(no subject)
May make a small photo journal tomorrow.
Allison and I had a rather large falling out this morning. It is hard for me to see her so upset and hear her point out all the things I do wrong - I hate that I can be such an ogre to her. I'm trying to really just hang on here, though. These last few weeks have pretty much turned my world upside down.
She ended up dragging me to her therapy session today. There were murmurs of "I can't keep doing this much longer" from Allie. Jeff, her therapist, steepled his fingers and took long pauses between speaking. I couldn't meet his gaze. I don't know what that means - I can look most everyone in the eyes these days....but not him, for some weird reason. I guess it makes me nervous to know that he's pretty much examining me and my responses. Decrypting it all.
Of course, he was curious over my apparent stoicism. I tried to explain that I've always been that way, but I don't think he quite gets it. I can be pretty outgoing....but at the same time, when it matters? I clam up. Quiet as anything.
I just can't get the words out of my chest.
But that's my thing, I suppose, to deal with on my own time. With my therapist.
Anyway, next session will see Jodi there to help me get past the blockages in my throat. Maybe communicate my needs more effectively. It was strange to be in a room with two people who have had serious, life-central discussions and decisions in a private space for years.
Like I was intruding.
So, Jodi will even the balance, I figure. Make me unwind.
I am going to go to bed now - I'm pretty exhausted. Today has been rough. But tomorrow, probably pictures. We need a new camera like whoa. The serial cable connector snapped in half. I don't even know where to get a new one, considering that they don't make the camera anymore.
Ufgh.
Anyway. Bed. Sleeping in tomorrow will be bliss.
Allison and I had a rather large falling out this morning. It is hard for me to see her so upset and hear her point out all the things I do wrong - I hate that I can be such an ogre to her. I'm trying to really just hang on here, though. These last few weeks have pretty much turned my world upside down.
She ended up dragging me to her therapy session today. There were murmurs of "I can't keep doing this much longer" from Allie. Jeff, her therapist, steepled his fingers and took long pauses between speaking. I couldn't meet his gaze. I don't know what that means - I can look most everyone in the eyes these days....but not him, for some weird reason. I guess it makes me nervous to know that he's pretty much examining me and my responses. Decrypting it all.
Of course, he was curious over my apparent stoicism. I tried to explain that I've always been that way, but I don't think he quite gets it. I can be pretty outgoing....but at the same time, when it matters? I clam up. Quiet as anything.
I just can't get the words out of my chest.
But that's my thing, I suppose, to deal with on my own time. With my therapist.
Anyway, next session will see Jodi there to help me get past the blockages in my throat. Maybe communicate my needs more effectively. It was strange to be in a room with two people who have had serious, life-central discussions and decisions in a private space for years.
Like I was intruding.
So, Jodi will even the balance, I figure. Make me unwind.
I am going to go to bed now - I'm pretty exhausted. Today has been rough. But tomorrow, probably pictures. We need a new camera like whoa. The serial cable connector snapped in half. I don't even know where to get a new one, considering that they don't make the camera anymore.
Ufgh.
Anyway. Bed. Sleeping in tomorrow will be bliss.