You'll either hate this, or it will make you think...or both
A Disturbing Conversation with Me
Feb. 28, 2005
I was thinking today about a problem that does not, nor ever could, have an answer. And this perplexed me greatly. First, to be wondering why I should be wandering through my mind about things that are unanswerable, and secondly about the desperate need that I have for this very answer. It was very troubling to me.
The question is this: What if the me that I am where to come in contact with the me that I was just several years ago? Would the meeting be all fun and games? Or, as is more likely, would the me that I am try to correct the me that I was to become what I will be? And would this me be able to turn that me around in time to make this me be more like the me that I desire so greatly to be? Would the me that is now me be able to show the me that was me the error of his ways? Or, would the stubbornness of the me that was me be sufficient to thwart the me that is me and discourage him from becoming the me that I so desire to be?
Now, it is encouraging to think that this is not possible, but that still leaves me with the question. Though I am entirely convinced that the me that is now me is closer than ever to the me I desire to be than I have ever been, I am just as convinced that the me that is now me would have a hard time convincing the me that was me that what we have become is a step in the right direction. The ghosts of the past always seem to haunt me on this issue. For what I set myself out to be is not yet what I am, and the steps that I have had to take to become the me that is me would often seem like foolishness to the me that was me and is no longer.
This is the root of my problem. Now, I may be fast to say that the me that is me has privy information about me that the me that was me would not have come across yet, but this rules out the very fact that the me that was me would not look on such information as beneficial, but would be more likely to ignore what the me that is me would say, based on the grounds of not wanting to know what we are to become. This is, of course, out of a fear of the future and what it holds that the me that is me and the me that was me no longer hold in common. But, this does not yet solve this issue. Could the me that is me convince the me that was me to do things differently, when in the same breath I would be opening up the possibility for the me that was me to become the me that almost was me even more. Then there is not a viable solution.
And what of the me that is to be? If the me that is to be were to visit the me that is me, would he be able to convince me to change routes and go a different way? Or is the me that is me still just as stubborn as the me that was me? And what if the me that is to be me is not what the me that is me and the me that was me so greatly desire to be? Would I take this as a warning and change the me that is me into something different? Or would I feel that I am doomed to be the me that is to be? Surely not. Because the me that is me is a product of the me that was me, therefore the me that is me should have no fear of what we are to become. For if the me that is me turned out as he did, then the me that is to be me can only be a progression of what I am to become. And this, for good or for bad, will only become something less if I fear what I am going to become, thus creating the very scenario of the negative me that I have managed to avoid through the progression of the me that was me to the me that is me.
All of this is not to rule out the me that waits to become the true me. For he is still the voice that cries out from the me that was me and through the me that is me, directly to the me that is to be me. And this is encouraging to me in my entirety.
But the solution is this. God can see all of me at once as I am. Therefore whatever I am to be, whatever I have been, and whatever I am to be are all resting soundly in the palms of His hands. And that is enough to encourage the me that is me to become ever so much more than the me that I so greatly desire to become. For He knows what He is shaping me to be, and that is enough for me.
Feb. 28, 2005
I was thinking today about a problem that does not, nor ever could, have an answer. And this perplexed me greatly. First, to be wondering why I should be wandering through my mind about things that are unanswerable, and secondly about the desperate need that I have for this very answer. It was very troubling to me.
The question is this: What if the me that I am where to come in contact with the me that I was just several years ago? Would the meeting be all fun and games? Or, as is more likely, would the me that I am try to correct the me that I was to become what I will be? And would this me be able to turn that me around in time to make this me be more like the me that I desire so greatly to be? Would the me that is now me be able to show the me that was me the error of his ways? Or, would the stubbornness of the me that was me be sufficient to thwart the me that is me and discourage him from becoming the me that I so desire to be?
Now, it is encouraging to think that this is not possible, but that still leaves me with the question. Though I am entirely convinced that the me that is now me is closer than ever to the me I desire to be than I have ever been, I am just as convinced that the me that is now me would have a hard time convincing the me that was me that what we have become is a step in the right direction. The ghosts of the past always seem to haunt me on this issue. For what I set myself out to be is not yet what I am, and the steps that I have had to take to become the me that is me would often seem like foolishness to the me that was me and is no longer.
This is the root of my problem. Now, I may be fast to say that the me that is me has privy information about me that the me that was me would not have come across yet, but this rules out the very fact that the me that was me would not look on such information as beneficial, but would be more likely to ignore what the me that is me would say, based on the grounds of not wanting to know what we are to become. This is, of course, out of a fear of the future and what it holds that the me that is me and the me that was me no longer hold in common. But, this does not yet solve this issue. Could the me that is me convince the me that was me to do things differently, when in the same breath I would be opening up the possibility for the me that was me to become the me that almost was me even more. Then there is not a viable solution.
And what of the me that is to be? If the me that is to be were to visit the me that is me, would he be able to convince me to change routes and go a different way? Or is the me that is me still just as stubborn as the me that was me? And what if the me that is to be me is not what the me that is me and the me that was me so greatly desire to be? Would I take this as a warning and change the me that is me into something different? Or would I feel that I am doomed to be the me that is to be? Surely not. Because the me that is me is a product of the me that was me, therefore the me that is me should have no fear of what we are to become. For if the me that is me turned out as he did, then the me that is to be me can only be a progression of what I am to become. And this, for good or for bad, will only become something less if I fear what I am going to become, thus creating the very scenario of the negative me that I have managed to avoid through the progression of the me that was me to the me that is me.
All of this is not to rule out the me that waits to become the true me. For he is still the voice that cries out from the me that was me and through the me that is me, directly to the me that is to be me. And this is encouraging to me in my entirety.
But the solution is this. God can see all of me at once as I am. Therefore whatever I am to be, whatever I have been, and whatever I am to be are all resting soundly in the palms of His hands. And that is enough to encourage the me that is me to become ever so much more than the me that I so greatly desire to become. For He knows what He is shaping me to be, and that is enough for me.