another prime example of self sabatoge
About...three times over the last month, I've had these moments of realization that I've never had before: that the ultimate dream that I've always wished I could chase but shied away from because of my fear of failure is just that - a dream. An unrealisitc obsession. A delusion. Those are the only words I can find for it but there's no real way to describe the feeling that washed over me, but...each time, it was fleeting. Almost less than a minute. Have you ever had feelings like that?
Anyways...
Despite those moments, after they pass, I go right back to my delusion. Fierce in my belief that if I could just fix this or that, my path to that dream could be cleared. I'm running out of time and I know it, yet still I cling to it. I know that I need to remake my priorities yet I haven't. Maybe it's force of habit after all these years that I see no other way? Or maybe I don't believe things will ever get better so I cling onto the only dream that, as impossible as it seems, has always been a comfort as much as a nightmare...
Anyways...
Despite those moments, after they pass, I go right back to my delusion. Fierce in my belief that if I could just fix this or that, my path to that dream could be cleared. I'm running out of time and I know it, yet still I cling to it. I know that I need to remake my priorities yet I haven't. Maybe it's force of habit after all these years that I see no other way? Or maybe I don't believe things will ever get better so I cling onto the only dream that, as impossible as it seems, has always been a comfort as much as a nightmare...