Connecting Melodies Ch.1

[eternal_xin]

Comments

[shiroppumusume]

aww, i liked the ending. it was good to read how it went from aria not having such an awesome time >>>> aria admitting she had a good time. :)

wish i could've read more kane/damon interaction~~~
looking forward to the next chapter ♥ ♥

[eternal_xin]

Don't worry, The next chapter will DEFINITELY have more Kane and Damon interaction... XD

And thank you ^-^ I decided to show her cute and kind side more ^-^ that IS who she is, she just likes putting up a front XD

No worries, the next chappie will be here soon!~ ^-^

[shiroppumusume]

YAY. can't wait~~

so, as far as critique goes:

-perhaps adding more environmental details; i can't quite picture the venue, or the street, or the convenience store unless you describe them. was it dark/night? was the clerk an old man? was it small? was this the chupa-chop wrapping look like? etc.

-perhaps putting this under an lj-cut? lol

i think that's all... just basically giving more color/form to their environments. :)

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[eternal_xin]

"looked at the night sky" "Aria softly spoke while looking at the moonlit sky"

So TECHNICALLY, I did, lol XD

....Yea, I'm pitiful...I know TT^TT

Yea, I tend to forget about that kind of stuff ^^;

Thank you~ ^-^ :glomp: ^-^

[shiroppumusume]

LOL, well, yeah, you did say it was night then! hahaha! you're not pitiful, though, it just takes practice. :) i liked it, over all. ♥