life as we know it
Hey all, its been a while
Well here is an update. For starters I think I am going crazy. Everything sets me off, and the only emotions I seem capable of feeling are sorrow, anger and hate. No matter what happens I simply cannot seem to be happy, no matter how much Mike holds me I feel alone. I miss my best friends. One is in another state, the other, well the very thought of him breaks me down to tears; I don’t think I can ever become friends with him again. And even if we do become friends again i'm so hurt by what he did, didn’t do and my own reactions to his actions that we can never become close again. I just don’t think I can take it. And Matt, well he has enough issues to deal with on his own. Same goes for my sister.
The family business is struggling, if not outright failing and as usual and I no longer hold any hope in it. My parents have admitted openly that they cannot pay me for the work I do, not now not ever. Instead they have offered to leave me the house as payment, problem is a) they have also told me that even with the loan modified it will have no equity so basically I will be taking a $300,000+ debt for my work and no equity to get out of it from a sale. b) The house is to damn big for me to clean up and take care of, not to mention my own tastes, if it is to be my home I would rather have something smaller, c) the design also is not to my taste, d) I don’t want to be in Brentwood. And e) honestly if they could pay me for the work I do then I could put down a nice down payment on a place I would actually want in an area I want to live, it seems a poor choice to sell myself short and accept something I honestly don’t want for devoting myself to a labor I honestly don’t care much for for 6 years. We will see what happens
I’m thinking of joining the air force. I should be well qualified. And since I have my bachelors I can join, or at least apply as an officer. Wither I pass the examination and training is another matter. But I could get training as a nurse as well and walk out with at least my second bachelors, not to mention shitty, as it may be free healthcare for life at the VA hospitals, 4 ish years of job exp and a chance to get out of the house and leave everything behind. To start new, and hopefully find myself again along the way. The only thing standing in my way at the moment is my physical condition, I am overweight, and while I have been going to the gym and i’m not quite out of shape I need to be much better before I can qualify for the armed forces of any kind.
I got a new job at an old company and i’m kissing another goodbye. I picked up an internship for my internship class as an occupational therapy assistant last April and I decided to continue my work beyond the minimum hours needed, and they even started paying me. It was below minimum wage, working 2 days a week for ~6-8 hours each day I made about $200 a month and most of that went to expenses, I was an in home therapist and it took me an hour to commute to work, but I liked it. Now some of their funding has been slashed since its a free government run program and they cant afford to pay me any more and I cant afford to pay to get there so I have to quit >_< and all my clients programs will simply be terminated unless they can pick up another intern from school. And i’m not the only one who is leaving. Stupid budget cuts. In other news last November I was laid off from marketshare. Well technically I was put on standby since they just didn’t have enough clients requesting living signs and they never called, till about 2 weeks ago. They don’t need me to be a living sign, but rather a sign placer. And they are still going about their shady ass tricks. I’m taking over for a guy who has supposedly become lax enough in his job that they lost a few clients, but instead of telling him he is fired outright they are sending me out to pick up all his signs with out telling him. I know it’s not my problem and honestly i’m just happy to have work but still........... Blah. And I need to get Tracker a present with my first paycheck since he recommended me for the job. rule of thumb: if someone helps get you a job you owe them a present or dinner or something from your first paycheck. And honestly i’m so pissed at him I don’t need any random wrenches of kindness from him playing with my head. So I need to repay his kindness in this matter ASAP.
And that’s it in a nutshell, life goes on I guess. My birthday came and went, and I did get a nice DS for it ^_^ and of course I picked up pokemon for it. I’m broke but that’s normal now and well we will see what the future will bring.
Peace and my your life be less eventful than mine
Well here is an update. For starters I think I am going crazy. Everything sets me off, and the only emotions I seem capable of feeling are sorrow, anger and hate. No matter what happens I simply cannot seem to be happy, no matter how much Mike holds me I feel alone. I miss my best friends. One is in another state, the other, well the very thought of him breaks me down to tears; I don’t think I can ever become friends with him again. And even if we do become friends again i'm so hurt by what he did, didn’t do and my own reactions to his actions that we can never become close again. I just don’t think I can take it. And Matt, well he has enough issues to deal with on his own. Same goes for my sister.
The family business is struggling, if not outright failing and as usual and I no longer hold any hope in it. My parents have admitted openly that they cannot pay me for the work I do, not now not ever. Instead they have offered to leave me the house as payment, problem is a) they have also told me that even with the loan modified it will have no equity so basically I will be taking a $300,000+ debt for my work and no equity to get out of it from a sale. b) The house is to damn big for me to clean up and take care of, not to mention my own tastes, if it is to be my home I would rather have something smaller, c) the design also is not to my taste, d) I don’t want to be in Brentwood. And e) honestly if they could pay me for the work I do then I could put down a nice down payment on a place I would actually want in an area I want to live, it seems a poor choice to sell myself short and accept something I honestly don’t want for devoting myself to a labor I honestly don’t care much for for 6 years. We will see what happens
I’m thinking of joining the air force. I should be well qualified. And since I have my bachelors I can join, or at least apply as an officer. Wither I pass the examination and training is another matter. But I could get training as a nurse as well and walk out with at least my second bachelors, not to mention shitty, as it may be free healthcare for life at the VA hospitals, 4 ish years of job exp and a chance to get out of the house and leave everything behind. To start new, and hopefully find myself again along the way. The only thing standing in my way at the moment is my physical condition, I am overweight, and while I have been going to the gym and i’m not quite out of shape I need to be much better before I can qualify for the armed forces of any kind.
I got a new job at an old company and i’m kissing another goodbye. I picked up an internship for my internship class as an occupational therapy assistant last April and I decided to continue my work beyond the minimum hours needed, and they even started paying me. It was below minimum wage, working 2 days a week for ~6-8 hours each day I made about $200 a month and most of that went to expenses, I was an in home therapist and it took me an hour to commute to work, but I liked it. Now some of their funding has been slashed since its a free government run program and they cant afford to pay me any more and I cant afford to pay to get there so I have to quit >_< and all my clients programs will simply be terminated unless they can pick up another intern from school. And i’m not the only one who is leaving. Stupid budget cuts. In other news last November I was laid off from marketshare. Well technically I was put on standby since they just didn’t have enough clients requesting living signs and they never called, till about 2 weeks ago. They don’t need me to be a living sign, but rather a sign placer. And they are still going about their shady ass tricks. I’m taking over for a guy who has supposedly become lax enough in his job that they lost a few clients, but instead of telling him he is fired outright they are sending me out to pick up all his signs with out telling him. I know it’s not my problem and honestly i’m just happy to have work but still........... Blah. And I need to get Tracker a present with my first paycheck since he recommended me for the job. rule of thumb: if someone helps get you a job you owe them a present or dinner or something from your first paycheck. And honestly i’m so pissed at him I don’t need any random wrenches of kindness from him playing with my head. So I need to repay his kindness in this matter ASAP.
And that’s it in a nutshell, life goes on I guess. My birthday came and went, and I did get a nice DS for it ^_^ and of course I picked up pokemon for it. I’m broke but that’s normal now and well we will see what the future will bring.
Peace and my your life be less eventful than mine