(Untitled)
I remember when I didn't use to be such a pile of crap.
In fact, I remember when there were one or two things I actually excelled at. Now I'm just mediocre if not deficient in all things. I'm sure I'm exaggerating right now, but that's how my emotions always are--overly-inflated and exaggerated.
Take for example, me actually being up at this time ( Read more... )
Me too, which goes a long way toward explaining why someone like me would be interested in something like philosophy. My favorite branch is Value Theory because, if I can figure out what to value, I can pursue that. But until I've done this, it feels like I'm pretending the things I do are important -- but I don't really know if they are! I accuse myself of doing things that I'm good at or that I like (for some evolution-induced, irrational reason, no doubt!) because it gives me some sort of pleasure, despite my conscious rejection of this DISGUSTING, vile epidemic known as Hedonism.
Many times I wish I could sit down, person-to-person, with several of my friends and just talk forever, explain what my day is like, give them a good mental image of how the "world" (if you can even call it that) is in my life right now. But then I realize, does anyone really want to hear all that? Do they even care? I mean, I know my friends care about me, and how I'm feeling, but do they actually want to listen through all my frustrations, fears, inspirations?
I used to believe that everyone has depth, but I've tried to get deep with several people now, only to find that there's usually not much there. I would guess that at least some of your friends simply do not understand; your depth is foreign and intimidating to them. They have never experienced such things (and probably never will) and, as a result, have a hard time believing that so much can be going on behind the scenes, inside someone's head, that is not plainly visible.
"What's your message? Tell me what it's like to be you!", I used to want to say to people. "If you could tell the world one thing, what would it be?"
They don't understand.
Never have they thought to ask themselves the only questions worth asking.
This is why I avoid people. I refuse to settle for the shallow existence commonly and mistakenly referred to as "life." Such people are not living; they are merely in motion.
I invest such efforts only in worthwhile individuals. I want very few, very deep, very smart friends with which I can have a conversation that's actually worth having. If these people are not around, I do not settle for less (and in fact prefer, and often demand, solitude). Instead, I write about these issues and read the findings of others, others who are famous for what they've found and published.
"I'm quick to point out my faults and point out those that are stronger than me in those aspects."
It would be impossible for me to be me without being extremely judgmental in the most valuable of ways -- to evaluate all people (especially myself) and decide how I can make my future self superior to my present self.
"Of course, see, I can't dwell on this stuff or else I would never get anything done around here."
In concerning myself with and writing about these issues, I am not a daydreamer, but a studious, hard-working philosopher(!).
I hope you choose to make your life an adventure rather than a series of fulfilled obligations.
--Steve
(Oh, and I don't believe your last paragraph. You wouldn't be satisfied by such a lifestyle for long at all -- you're too introspective.)
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