"I love you" never felt like any blessing
By: White Rain
Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries.
Genre: Anguish
Character/Pairing: Stefan/Elena
Word Count: 575
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Contains:
this story deals fairly explicitly with suicide.
Notes: titled taken from "heavy in your arms"
Summary: Stefan and Elena bringing each other back from the brink of suicide, again and again.
Stefan's hands were cupping her face and his words rang through her head. Well, this is reality, right here.
Elena reached up and cupped his.
*
Stefan shoved the stake in his brother's stomach and he could still feel Elena's hands on his arm, could still hear her saying she trying to save him.
He stared at the shocked look on Damon's face and wondered how often this would happen.
*
You can keep fighting, Elena had said and she had been so damn sure. But it wasn't an order. It was a choice.
Stefan rushed to her and grabbed her and kissed her like it was the only thing that was keeping him alive. It was.
*
It's not going to get any easier, is it? Elena asked.
No, Stefan said, it's not.
Once more he kissed her on top of the Ferris wheel and her heart fluttered.
*
I just want you to fight for it, Stefan said.
Elena thought about what he'd told her. She remembered how he did everything in his power to hide these parts of himself from her. And now he was giving her his secrets.
He didn't want her to fight, he needed her to.
She made her choice.
*
This isn't going to be pretty, Damon said, you should just leave, forget him.
It hasn't even been an hour, Elena said and didn't look up from her phone. Stefan would text her back any minute.
It'll probably take decades.
Then it'll take decades. Elena set the phone down on the bed as she looked up to face Damon and folded her arms. His face grew stiff. I need him him, she said, she confessed.
She didn't tell him she didn't know how to live without Stefan, didn't think she was strong enough to figure out how to.
*
After two days of nonstop calls and texts, Stefan had smashed his phone in his hands and threw it away. Damon, he'd lied, when Klaus gave him a questioning grin.
He still remembered Elena's phone number, though.
Hold onto that, she'd said, given to him.
He grabbed it pushed it inside as deep as he could as he turned back around to face Klaus.
*
Stefan watched Damon get in the car. Watched Elena take one last glance around.
This would be the last time he would ever look at them.
*
Elena grabbed his face. I need you to fight for it.
Stefan had to force himself to remember that Klaus ordered his humanity away.
*
You're the one who saved me! Elena said and she felt tears burn behind her eyes.
She didn't want to cry. She just wanted Stefan kill her and get it over with it.
*
I wasn't planning on giving up on either of you, Elena told him. Her hands were strong and sure.
And all Stefan can think is all the people she'd gotten killed, gotten hurt, by just being alive. He'd taken the easy way out and forced himself to forget.
He wished she would just end it; end them.
*
Stefan held her as she let the pain in.
She did not tell him that she didn't want to be human anymore, that it hurt too much.
Elena just took the comfort he offered.
*
That's just in case there is no later, Stefan told her and then kissed her. He'd been sure that was the last kiss he'd ever share with her.
Elena gasped, coughed out water.
Now they had forever.