Sick
You do a lot of thinking when you're sick. At least I do. Especially about a certain person. I don't know if she gets upset when I write about her nor not, but I have been absolutely miserable ever since Lea stopped talking to me. People say to me "forget her, she's not worth it" or "you're better of without her." I just smile and nod because I don't want to start a big thing with them about how they are wrong and how she was the very fabric of my being. You might think im being a little dramatic, but I'm pretty serious, she was like my other half keeping me together. And I was so obsessed with trying to be hers, that I totally blew off what was important. That being that we were really great bestest friends even after a relationship. How often does that happen between two people? And we knew everything about eachother... we knew thingas about eachother that we didn't even know about ourselves! And I rmemeber this one time I went to go call her, but as I picked up the phone I guess she called and I picked it up and didnt hear anything and was like "hello?" and she was like "hi" and it was so wacky and confusing. That's just how well we knew eachother.
I don't even remember the fight we had which made her stop talking to me... almost every night I say to myself before I sleep "tomorrow I should call her or stop by her house or something and try and patch things up" but Im afraid to, to be quite honest. If I call, she'll probably just hang up on me or tell me she has to go or doesnt want to talk to me. And Im afraid to go to her house because she probably wont want to talk to me or something, I don't know. But what I do know is that ever since she left, I've been depressed outta my ass. I would be on the phone with Amanda or Jessi or someone, and they would ask me "what's wrong you're quiet" and I would just say "I'm thinking about stuff, I don't wanna talk about it." Sometimes I would tell them, but what I'm really thinking about 90% of the time is Lea and how much I just want to be her damn friend again. I think about some of the times we would hang out and stuff and how much we had together as friends and how much of a FUCKING BRAINLESS ASSHOLE DIPSHIT I FUCKING WAS TO HER and I just get so damn mad at myself... I don't know... I fucking miss her, man. I really do. No joke. Otherwise I wouldnt be writing this long ass entry all about her would I? I wish she would at least talk to me online, then maybe gradually on the phone and if all goes well, maybe see eachother outside of school again. Take it slow one step at a time.. yanno? But I dont know if that will happen... And I know she'll probaly read this. So I'm going to say it once...
Lea, I miss you hun. I really do. And I still love you with all my heart, not as the person I was who wanted nothing more than to be with you, but as the person you wanted me to be who just wants to be your bestfriend. And if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please I beg of you to call me or something, because I would do anything to be your friend again.
I don't even remember the fight we had which made her stop talking to me... almost every night I say to myself before I sleep "tomorrow I should call her or stop by her house or something and try and patch things up" but Im afraid to, to be quite honest. If I call, she'll probably just hang up on me or tell me she has to go or doesnt want to talk to me. And Im afraid to go to her house because she probably wont want to talk to me or something, I don't know. But what I do know is that ever since she left, I've been depressed outta my ass. I would be on the phone with Amanda or Jessi or someone, and they would ask me "what's wrong you're quiet" and I would just say "I'm thinking about stuff, I don't wanna talk about it." Sometimes I would tell them, but what I'm really thinking about 90% of the time is Lea and how much I just want to be her damn friend again. I think about some of the times we would hang out and stuff and how much we had together as friends and how much of a FUCKING BRAINLESS ASSHOLE DIPSHIT I FUCKING WAS TO HER and I just get so damn mad at myself... I don't know... I fucking miss her, man. I really do. No joke. Otherwise I wouldnt be writing this long ass entry all about her would I? I wish she would at least talk to me online, then maybe gradually on the phone and if all goes well, maybe see eachother outside of school again. Take it slow one step at a time.. yanno? But I dont know if that will happen... And I know she'll probaly read this. So I'm going to say it once...
Lea, I miss you hun. I really do. And I still love you with all my heart, not as the person I was who wanted nothing more than to be with you, but as the person you wanted me to be who just wants to be your bestfriend. And if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please I beg of you to call me or something, because I would do anything to be your friend again.