never was and never will be
You know how when a person doesn't have real, big problems, the small ones, the little anxieties grow into something huge? It's not that I don't have worries, everybody does, but all the stressful can't-sleep-at-night things somehow resolved itself and I'm left with my own insecurities eating my soul. I do realize I'm a coward, that I'm afraid of real life, changes, big steps. I would probably an eternal student if I could, cause it's comfortable, it's what I know and I tend to hold to lifestyle I'm used to. Even moving away from home was not as hard as even thinking about what I want to do with my life next. I wanted to move away, craved the opportunity to decide for myself, even little things like what I will be eating the next day, when I'm going to wash my clothes, if I will go to classes or not. But this. Deciding what path to take, if I even want to move to abroad, if I'll manage to get to study programs, which graduate course should I take... Everything apart from going home permanently requires taking another student loan, which entails living without money from October till March, and I sure as hell don't have money to support myself that long. I could find some job I guess, but it's not as simple as it seems... I wanted to apply somewhere this year, to gain even the slightest bit of working experience, anything to put in my resume, but with my schedule, the only thing left was weekend shifts... I don't know if I'd be able to manage full time studying and weekend job. Though with the situation I'm facing right now, I probably will have to manage. I'll try applying in a few places first thing next semester, my little new year resolution.
All in all I'm scared shitless of real life, finishing studies and what it entail. I'm sorry if you read through all that, I had to vent somewhere, I was slipping into a nasty depressed mood and I can't have that with exams coming... Actually, my first is on Tuesday ;/
Random thought: watching tv shows is always a bittersweet experience for me Oo Especially if it has a young character currently going through puberty. I'm again and again reminded of how my teenage life didn't contain all the sweet drama, first kiss, prom date, brake ups. It's sad, how I know now that I could have all that if I wasn't such a coward ;o;
I don't even want to start on all the shit fandom is going through right now ;<
On a brighter note: hello new friends~ I hope my awesome fpage had a wonderful Holiday? <3
I will just go on nom sadly on a chocolate kyuhyun ;o;
Ah! I almost forgot XD I noticed today, that my new favorite Coffee Heaven coffee is called 'Turtle' ;p It's so good *_* lattle with green tea, vanilla and honey <3
All in all I'm scared shitless of real life, finishing studies and what it entail. I'm sorry if you read through all that, I had to vent somewhere, I was slipping into a nasty depressed mood and I can't have that with exams coming... Actually, my first is on Tuesday ;/
Random thought: watching tv shows is always a bittersweet experience for me Oo Especially if it has a young character currently going through puberty. I'm again and again reminded of how my teenage life didn't contain all the sweet drama, first kiss, prom date, brake ups. It's sad, how I know now that I could have all that if I wasn't such a coward ;o;
I don't even want to start on all the shit fandom is going through right now ;<
On a brighter note: hello new friends~ I hope my awesome fpage had a wonderful Holiday? <3
I will just go on nom sadly on a chocolate kyuhyun ;o;
Ah! I almost forgot XD I noticed today, that my new favorite Coffee Heaven coffee is called 'Turtle' ;p It's so good *_* lattle with green tea, vanilla and honey <3