If only we were pilots
Well, the feelings aren't reciprocated.
He sent back an angry e-mail.
I want to find someone who understands me because I always feel weird, that I'm weird. Relate back to earlier thought of wanting a best friend-like figure. One who understands. Maybe the three of us really are weird. I'll be back with my buddies again soon enough. Only after I pass this final, however.
I talked to Alex and told him about the need for forming a friendship basis devoid of physicalities as it has been. We haven't done it in a while and I'd like it to stay that way.
I'm tired of writing about it, but I just want to get it straight out. Each relationship I have is different and unique because each of my friends are different and special to me in specific ways.
I don't want Matt to think he's being used in some way because that's not what's happening. I feel very strongly for him. I want to be his friend the way I was friends with Kaelin and Anna. I know it's really intense. I don't want a relationship because that wouldn't be good for either of us. But, I won't deny the affections I have for him. Because he doesn't know what happened between Alex and me, why our relationship came about, he's made assumptions about me. Dumb anomaly of a semester. The first day we met I told him about all my relations. I know it's hard to remember all that's been said, but I hoped he'd remember that this has all been very experimental for me. Living life in a different way from how I used to. Not attributing conventions to my actions all the time. The problem with this system is that I shouldn't involve other people unless I have faith in them to be on the same level. That, I've found, is the most difficult part.
Honesty isn't always the best policy. Being vocal about everything isn't either. Reminds me of that song Emily played for me off the Great Expectations soundtrack about honesty and how it can be damaging. Ivan advised me that most people can't take honesty or straighforwardness. That some things are best left unsaid. I know that. I know.
I didn't want to hurt anyone. I asked Christian if he felt wronged in any way. He said that he didn't because I always told him exacly how I felt and how I saw things. Only his feelings and assumptions got in the way.
I've tried to be honest in all these relations. I didn't tell Steven about Alex because I think that only great harm would come from that. Otherwise...
I want so badly for Matt to be happy, and for me to provide some of that. At least as much happiness as he's brought me.
Talked to Faisal. That was nice. "For someone who's gone through so much pain... You deserve much more than this." I don't know. I guess I bring it upon myself. Still, as said before, I would trade all the Christians, Stevens, and Alexs to be friends with Matt, or even for an hour of his time during which we'd be ourselves.
Trust is based on what's happened. Faith is when you believe something will happen because you love the cause of it.
And I have so much faith in him.
He sent back an angry e-mail.
I want to find someone who understands me because I always feel weird, that I'm weird. Relate back to earlier thought of wanting a best friend-like figure. One who understands. Maybe the three of us really are weird. I'll be back with my buddies again soon enough. Only after I pass this final, however.
I talked to Alex and told him about the need for forming a friendship basis devoid of physicalities as it has been. We haven't done it in a while and I'd like it to stay that way.
I'm tired of writing about it, but I just want to get it straight out. Each relationship I have is different and unique because each of my friends are different and special to me in specific ways.
I don't want Matt to think he's being used in some way because that's not what's happening. I feel very strongly for him. I want to be his friend the way I was friends with Kaelin and Anna. I know it's really intense. I don't want a relationship because that wouldn't be good for either of us. But, I won't deny the affections I have for him. Because he doesn't know what happened between Alex and me, why our relationship came about, he's made assumptions about me. Dumb anomaly of a semester. The first day we met I told him about all my relations. I know it's hard to remember all that's been said, but I hoped he'd remember that this has all been very experimental for me. Living life in a different way from how I used to. Not attributing conventions to my actions all the time. The problem with this system is that I shouldn't involve other people unless I have faith in them to be on the same level. That, I've found, is the most difficult part.
Honesty isn't always the best policy. Being vocal about everything isn't either. Reminds me of that song Emily played for me off the Great Expectations soundtrack about honesty and how it can be damaging. Ivan advised me that most people can't take honesty or straighforwardness. That some things are best left unsaid. I know that. I know.
I didn't want to hurt anyone. I asked Christian if he felt wronged in any way. He said that he didn't because I always told him exacly how I felt and how I saw things. Only his feelings and assumptions got in the way.
I've tried to be honest in all these relations. I didn't tell Steven about Alex because I think that only great harm would come from that. Otherwise...
I want so badly for Matt to be happy, and for me to provide some of that. At least as much happiness as he's brought me.
Talked to Faisal. That was nice. "For someone who's gone through so much pain... You deserve much more than this." I don't know. I guess I bring it upon myself. Still, as said before, I would trade all the Christians, Stevens, and Alexs to be friends with Matt, or even for an hour of his time during which we'd be ourselves.
Trust is based on what's happened. Faith is when you believe something will happen because you love the cause of it.
And I have so much faith in him.