Sadness
Some days, I still have my hope. Other days I think my eternal hope has been shattered.
But the truth is, I seemingly live in perpetual fear. In fact, I am afraid of being happy. That's not to say I am happy right now, because even though I am okay I don't feel I am normal. But I genuinely seem to be afraid of happiness... Maybe it is because in part I don't know how to find it so I always lose myself away in various projects or fantasy worlds.
I have often thought about suicide, but never to the point of acting on it. More thoughts on what my last moments would be, I think those are normal-ish thoughts though. And often, I realize that I never would commit suicide because I do genuinely think life is precious and beautiful and also because I think it'd be a great deal of pain to my family.
Well, on the bright side LiveJournal, I am still alive. So there is that.
But I am afraid of the future. And at least, I admit to it, so maybe that's an optimistic beginning.
But the truth is, I seemingly live in perpetual fear. In fact, I am afraid of being happy. That's not to say I am happy right now, because even though I am okay I don't feel I am normal. But I genuinely seem to be afraid of happiness... Maybe it is because in part I don't know how to find it so I always lose myself away in various projects or fantasy worlds.
I have often thought about suicide, but never to the point of acting on it. More thoughts on what my last moments would be, I think those are normal-ish thoughts though. And often, I realize that I never would commit suicide because I do genuinely think life is precious and beautiful and also because I think it'd be a great deal of pain to my family.
Well, on the bright side LiveJournal, I am still alive. So there is that.
But I am afraid of the future. And at least, I admit to it, so maybe that's an optimistic beginning.