If this is His plan, I'd like to know what I've done
Contemplating is pointless but unevitable. Once I get an idea in my head or situation, what have you, I cannot NOT think about it. I thought I was blissfully past having someone in my head to the point of distraction. And I'm not talking about pausing for a minute, I mean stopping while straightening aisles in WalGreens and a minute later not remembering what I have already gone over fixing. It makes me feel foolish and/or niave. I have just not decided which one is more prevalent. I had a serious talk, well 2, the second was continuing the first. I was reassured of a few things, others are still at the point they were when I was doubtful to begin with. And the questions I asked really only made some things worse. How does that work out? Maybe because the answers I got weren't what I was expecting. I realized that I still don't think very highly of myself. I know why I used to but again, like other things, I thought I was past that. I still think people don't see me and if they do then later I'll will end up dissapointed when they find out that it is who I am. I realized that I have 4 people I trust infintely who can turn off that insecurity and make me feel better about who I am, actually make that 6.
1) My father
2) Spencer
3)Shannon
4) Maddie
5) Stephy
6) God (I know that sounds cheesy but He wouldn't be testing me with what He has been unless He thought I could handle it and come out a better person)
I realized a bit more of who I am and my capabilities. I found out that I have learned from past mistakes but caring about someone still requires judgement and thought, you can't just act the way you would learning from the same situation with someone else. If that made sense. I'm saying the situation may be the same but each person is different and would take the things you say differently. So really it's all in whether you really know the person you are talking to and how well. I'd say I was pretty much dead on last night which made me happy knowing I have one more honest caring friend, yes I wish it was different, not a worse different if you get me. But for now I'll take what I can get and in the next few days I'm going to work on not holding onto the "what-if" or small hope/possiblity. At least in this instance. There is still a chance of something, maybe, but I'll take that situation, that time, into consideration when it happens. Right now here are my focuses:
1) Getting my license, stupid state of Louisiana
2) Getting home
3) Making more money
4) Shopping for Christmas
5) Keeping in touch with my friends
6) College
7) Being me, becoming more spiritual
That's it. Of course there are the small things I'm always focusing on: reading a book every 2 weeks, I can't do it in a week I have even less time. Writing more, finishing/starting photography projects, keeping my room clean, expanding my knowledge. Oh, and making sure my Daddy gets better, that's a huge thing but isn't up there because I can only talk to him, I can't help him get well. So, I may have another entry with insight into myself but for now I'm done. Overload yes I know, sorry, but not really.
Nick, you rock!
Love you all,
Tess
1) My father
2) Spencer
3)Shannon
4) Maddie
5) Stephy
6) God (I know that sounds cheesy but He wouldn't be testing me with what He has been unless He thought I could handle it and come out a better person)
I realized a bit more of who I am and my capabilities. I found out that I have learned from past mistakes but caring about someone still requires judgement and thought, you can't just act the way you would learning from the same situation with someone else. If that made sense. I'm saying the situation may be the same but each person is different and would take the things you say differently. So really it's all in whether you really know the person you are talking to and how well. I'd say I was pretty much dead on last night which made me happy knowing I have one more honest caring friend, yes I wish it was different, not a worse different if you get me. But for now I'll take what I can get and in the next few days I'm going to work on not holding onto the "what-if" or small hope/possiblity. At least in this instance. There is still a chance of something, maybe, but I'll take that situation, that time, into consideration when it happens. Right now here are my focuses:
1) Getting my license, stupid state of Louisiana
2) Getting home
3) Making more money
4) Shopping for Christmas
5) Keeping in touch with my friends
6) College
7) Being me, becoming more spiritual
That's it. Of course there are the small things I'm always focusing on: reading a book every 2 weeks, I can't do it in a week I have even less time. Writing more, finishing/starting photography projects, keeping my room clean, expanding my knowledge. Oh, and making sure my Daddy gets better, that's a huge thing but isn't up there because I can only talk to him, I can't help him get well. So, I may have another entry with insight into myself but for now I'm done. Overload yes I know, sorry, but not really.
Nick, you rock!
Love you all,
Tess