Salt and Disillusion
Tonight, I received an email from the editor-in-chief of Touchstones literary magazine, one of several magazines my university funds. It was confirmation that two of my writing pieces were going to be published in this spring's issue. The pieces are called "Salt of the Earth" and "Disillusion", prose and poetry respectively. I should be only happy but I'm crying a little, too, because they are both pieces about my mom and her suicide and my feelings for both. I'm joyed because my writing is being recognized and because it is a wonderful way to memorialize her, but overwhelmed because everything I wrote was really raw and soon after her death. Complete vulnerability, and I'm nervous what my family will think if they read them. Will they be angry that I represented them "wrong", if I interpreted events and actions and people differently than they did? Will they be ashamed at the naked feelings, not all of them pleasant, that I expose?
Either way, it's happening, no matter what they think. I'm conflicted. It doesn't help that, for the third time within five months, I'm sick. I used to be the kind of person that only got sick once in a blue moon, once a year at most. Since last October I'm now at number three. The first sickness was the worst, I could barely talk and it hurt to swallow and I just wanted to bury myself in blankets and not come out again. But these last two times - within two weeks of each other - haven't been terrible, I guess. Drowning in phlegm and snot and watery eyes is not my favorite pastime though. I'm not sure if all my tears are about the publications or just my eyes watering from the cold. The universe must be laughing at its (im)perfect timing. Not only is it midterms week, with several exams and essays due in quick succession, but this week is also when I have to do all the editing for the Warp and Weave pieces I'm responsible for. At least the weather has been wonderfully warm the past few days...always thankful for the little things.
But enough complaining. These past two weeks I've been experimenting with making dessert recipes, instead of the usual lunches and dinners my friends help me make. One of my friends recently had her 21st birthday, so I decided to gift her with a homemade birthday cake - a No Bake Oreo Ice Cream Cake. I found the recipe online, and it looked simple enough that I could make it even with my very novice abilities. So I did it! I had a lot of fun making it, even though it doesn't look quite like the photo in the recipe. ^^' My friend loved it and that's all that matters. The cake inspired me to try a recipe for brownies, too - Sea Salt Caramel Pretzel Brownies - and they were so delicious and turned out really well. Cooking has become one of the things I look forward to most each week. Not only when I make a new recipe with my friends every Friday, but when I'm cooking by myself as well. It's relaxing, entertaining, and it's nice to get to enjoy something I made with my own hands. I added some photos at the bottom of the post of the cake and the brownies. =)
Recently I went to get my bridesmaid dress altered for my sister's wedding in May. At 5 foot 2 inches I'm the hobbit of my family, and the dress was too long, so I went to get the hem shortened. ^^' I'm terrible at fashion and usually just wear what's comfortable (Kurt would be horrified and give me a makeover, stat, if we met), but I do think the dress is really pretty. That same day my sister went to get alterations on her wedding gown, too, and she looked absolutely gorgeous and radiant. Wedding planning is tough work and she's doing it all by herself, but I'm happy that she's happy. Seeing her in the dress made me sad that Mom won't ever get to see it. But, I'm sad about a lot of things Mom won't get to see...had another really depressed, weepy day about her death last week. That's the new state of normal, though - calm for a while, sometimes a long while, and suddenly, unexpectedly, distraught. I'm slowly accepting it.
When I'm not busy with working on the literary magazine or with school work or anything else, I've got plenty of fun things to distract me, though. My new Final Fantasy game finally came out and I've been having loads of fun with that, hours and hours worth spent on it. ^^' Oops? I'm also letting a friend borrowing a different Final Fantasy of mine, FF XIII, and she's obsessed and now hooked on the series and I've been squeeing with her about them for the past few weeks. Still working on my mermaid story, and enjoying being creatively challenged to write poetry for my poetry class, since it's not my forte at all. I'm obsessed with finding covers of Let it Go and this one is so fucking good can't stop listening to it; Chris Colfer and his boyfriend are still the cutest, dorkiest, costume matching couple; and Glee comes back tomorrow, which I have love/hate feelings for, but I'm mostly looking forward to because Kurt gets to duet with his new best friend Elliot (played by Adam Lambert) and I'm just really happy Kurt has a gay bestie now who just *gets* him in everything, and screw you Glee writers if you take him away like you did Adam Crawford.
And with that, better go study for my exam tomorrow....^^'
Either way, it's happening, no matter what they think. I'm conflicted. It doesn't help that, for the third time within five months, I'm sick. I used to be the kind of person that only got sick once in a blue moon, once a year at most. Since last October I'm now at number three. The first sickness was the worst, I could barely talk and it hurt to swallow and I just wanted to bury myself in blankets and not come out again. But these last two times - within two weeks of each other - haven't been terrible, I guess. Drowning in phlegm and snot and watery eyes is not my favorite pastime though. I'm not sure if all my tears are about the publications or just my eyes watering from the cold. The universe must be laughing at its (im)perfect timing. Not only is it midterms week, with several exams and essays due in quick succession, but this week is also when I have to do all the editing for the Warp and Weave pieces I'm responsible for. At least the weather has been wonderfully warm the past few days...always thankful for the little things.
But enough complaining. These past two weeks I've been experimenting with making dessert recipes, instead of the usual lunches and dinners my friends help me make. One of my friends recently had her 21st birthday, so I decided to gift her with a homemade birthday cake - a No Bake Oreo Ice Cream Cake. I found the recipe online, and it looked simple enough that I could make it even with my very novice abilities. So I did it! I had a lot of fun making it, even though it doesn't look quite like the photo in the recipe. ^^' My friend loved it and that's all that matters. The cake inspired me to try a recipe for brownies, too - Sea Salt Caramel Pretzel Brownies - and they were so delicious and turned out really well. Cooking has become one of the things I look forward to most each week. Not only when I make a new recipe with my friends every Friday, but when I'm cooking by myself as well. It's relaxing, entertaining, and it's nice to get to enjoy something I made with my own hands. I added some photos at the bottom of the post of the cake and the brownies. =)
Recently I went to get my bridesmaid dress altered for my sister's wedding in May. At 5 foot 2 inches I'm the hobbit of my family, and the dress was too long, so I went to get the hem shortened. ^^' I'm terrible at fashion and usually just wear what's comfortable (Kurt would be horrified and give me a makeover, stat, if we met), but I do think the dress is really pretty. That same day my sister went to get alterations on her wedding gown, too, and she looked absolutely gorgeous and radiant. Wedding planning is tough work and she's doing it all by herself, but I'm happy that she's happy. Seeing her in the dress made me sad that Mom won't ever get to see it. But, I'm sad about a lot of things Mom won't get to see...had another really depressed, weepy day about her death last week. That's the new state of normal, though - calm for a while, sometimes a long while, and suddenly, unexpectedly, distraught. I'm slowly accepting it.
When I'm not busy with working on the literary magazine or with school work or anything else, I've got plenty of fun things to distract me, though. My new Final Fantasy game finally came out and I've been having loads of fun with that, hours and hours worth spent on it. ^^' Oops? I'm also letting a friend borrowing a different Final Fantasy of mine, FF XIII, and she's obsessed and now hooked on the series and I've been squeeing with her about them for the past few weeks. Still working on my mermaid story, and enjoying being creatively challenged to write poetry for my poetry class, since it's not my forte at all. I'm obsessed with finding covers of Let it Go and this one is so fucking good can't stop listening to it; Chris Colfer and his boyfriend are still the cutest, dorkiest, costume matching couple; and Glee comes back tomorrow, which I have love/hate feelings for, but I'm mostly looking forward to because Kurt gets to duet with his new best friend Elliot (played by Adam Lambert) and I'm just really happy Kurt has a gay bestie now who just *gets* him in everything, and screw you Glee writers if you take him away like you did Adam Crawford.
And with that, better go study for my exam tomorrow....^^'