Obligatory end of the semester/year post
Well. The semester and the calendar year are both drawing to a close. I haven't really thought about what it's going to be like to live at home again for three weeks. And truth be told, since the last time when I ran out and left, I've been avoiding even thinking about the topic.
But, I suppose such a monumental occasion as finals week or the end of the year deserves a list of changes/achievements. And I'll oblige, mostly because I'm not really willing to do any real work or studying right now.
In the past year...
I've left my sorority. Regardless of what anyone might think of the Greek system or this decision ... it was a very difficult thing. I just couldn't put myself through something I so violently disagreed with. I know I made the decision that was best for me at the time, and I saved myself one set of problems. But I added the loneliness of living in a dorm room on a floor which is half full of freshmen who keep me up late and being alienated from some of the best friends I've ever had. It turns out that I saved one heartache to add another. I'm not really sure which would have been worse.
I've changed a lot, both through the previously mentioned experience and the countless other big and small experiences which have added up to be this year. I've had my heart trampled over and over again by the same person, and promised myself that it was over, only to get sucked back in again. And finally, after some disasterous thinking ... I think I'm finally done. That secret hope and dream is finally gone. And while it's liberating, it's also hard. The expectation was like an old friend, and it's gone. Not to mention the actual old friend who's gone, or essentially gone.
My friend base has changed greatly. I don't see all my girls so much anymore ... and I miss them. But I'm not exactly sure how to bridge the gap that naturally occurs when you leave a living situation. So I've made new friends and reconnected with old ones. I've spent a lot of time in Indy, and a lot of time driving to clear my head.
I no longer freak out when driving on the interstate - and I no longer have nightmares about the car accident of this summer. The car looks and runs perfectly again ... it's almost like it never happened. Only I'm a little more prone to headaches now.
I've had one or two major health scares/issues in the past six months - completely re-evaluated how I'm spending my time, had a few internal breakdowns ... the usual. A lot of the weight of the major things this semester hasn't hit me yet - I've been so busy getting through and keeping my head above water. I'm not sure when or if the fallout will actually happen ... but I'm kind of expecting it over Christmas, which is always hard anyway. Add in the fact that my mother and I are NOT getting along ... it should make for an interesting few weeks.
And you know - I had this experiece today that just summed up the entire semester. I was going to the Hub at 11:30 as per usual to get coffee to stay up and study ... and as I walked out, some guy stepped on the back of my shoe, I tripped, fell, skinned my knee and spilled my coffee. In front of about 15 people. None of whom got up to help - just stared. And I wanted nothing more than to just disappear into the concrete. But I picked myself up, saved what was left of my coffee, and walked off to my dorm, pretending that nothing had happened. And life is like that. Sometimes you fall. Sometimes it really hurts. Sometimes it's embarassing. And sometimes ... no one is there to help you back up. You just swallow your pride, dust yourself off, and keep going.
And that's been this whole semester.
And for those of you who are interested in such juicy details ... I'm seeing someone. His name is Jason. He works in software and lives on the north east side of Indy. It's been going on for about two months, and he's pretty cool. Met him at Drinking Liberally, which is also a very cool thing.
Those are all the highlights I feel the need to discuss at the moment. I'm sure you'll get more pseudo philosophical moments as I'm procrastinating on the large amount of work I have between now and Friday at midnight.
Oh, and if you read this and are from central Indiana/Naptown, you should give me a call over break. Chances are I miss you. And will want to get out of the house.
Best of luck to all the people taking finals.
But, I suppose such a monumental occasion as finals week or the end of the year deserves a list of changes/achievements. And I'll oblige, mostly because I'm not really willing to do any real work or studying right now.
In the past year...
I've left my sorority. Regardless of what anyone might think of the Greek system or this decision ... it was a very difficult thing. I just couldn't put myself through something I so violently disagreed with. I know I made the decision that was best for me at the time, and I saved myself one set of problems. But I added the loneliness of living in a dorm room on a floor which is half full of freshmen who keep me up late and being alienated from some of the best friends I've ever had. It turns out that I saved one heartache to add another. I'm not really sure which would have been worse.
I've changed a lot, both through the previously mentioned experience and the countless other big and small experiences which have added up to be this year. I've had my heart trampled over and over again by the same person, and promised myself that it was over, only to get sucked back in again. And finally, after some disasterous thinking ... I think I'm finally done. That secret hope and dream is finally gone. And while it's liberating, it's also hard. The expectation was like an old friend, and it's gone. Not to mention the actual old friend who's gone, or essentially gone.
My friend base has changed greatly. I don't see all my girls so much anymore ... and I miss them. But I'm not exactly sure how to bridge the gap that naturally occurs when you leave a living situation. So I've made new friends and reconnected with old ones. I've spent a lot of time in Indy, and a lot of time driving to clear my head.
I no longer freak out when driving on the interstate - and I no longer have nightmares about the car accident of this summer. The car looks and runs perfectly again ... it's almost like it never happened. Only I'm a little more prone to headaches now.
I've had one or two major health scares/issues in the past six months - completely re-evaluated how I'm spending my time, had a few internal breakdowns ... the usual. A lot of the weight of the major things this semester hasn't hit me yet - I've been so busy getting through and keeping my head above water. I'm not sure when or if the fallout will actually happen ... but I'm kind of expecting it over Christmas, which is always hard anyway. Add in the fact that my mother and I are NOT getting along ... it should make for an interesting few weeks.
And you know - I had this experiece today that just summed up the entire semester. I was going to the Hub at 11:30 as per usual to get coffee to stay up and study ... and as I walked out, some guy stepped on the back of my shoe, I tripped, fell, skinned my knee and spilled my coffee. In front of about 15 people. None of whom got up to help - just stared. And I wanted nothing more than to just disappear into the concrete. But I picked myself up, saved what was left of my coffee, and walked off to my dorm, pretending that nothing had happened. And life is like that. Sometimes you fall. Sometimes it really hurts. Sometimes it's embarassing. And sometimes ... no one is there to help you back up. You just swallow your pride, dust yourself off, and keep going.
And that's been this whole semester.
And for those of you who are interested in such juicy details ... I'm seeing someone. His name is Jason. He works in software and lives on the north east side of Indy. It's been going on for about two months, and he's pretty cool. Met him at Drinking Liberally, which is also a very cool thing.
Those are all the highlights I feel the need to discuss at the moment. I'm sure you'll get more pseudo philosophical moments as I'm procrastinating on the large amount of work I have between now and Friday at midnight.
Oh, and if you read this and are from central Indiana/Naptown, you should give me a call over break. Chances are I miss you. And will want to get out of the house.
Best of luck to all the people taking finals.