HERE WE GO
So at this time tomorrow i should be in Atlanta, GA omw to Jacksonville, FL to be with the man i love. I'm so excited, nervous, and scared that i can't sleep or eat or anything. I feel like i'm 7 again and it's the day before christmas. I know that this vacation will be very good for me especially considering how many people i've heard tell me how bad i need it. I think a part of my largest problem is that i will have no control and that greatly scares me. For 15 days my life will be in the hands of another person and that just makes me want to go screaming and running the other direction which is STUPID. Although it's been rough i can at least recognize the fact that Matti is the best thing that's every happened to me and what's even better is i know he would say the same thing about me. All of my fears and mind racing at 1,000,000 miles a minute is just making me go crazy for no good reason.
I just have to remember that "i'm almost there" now is not the time to collapse when i'm so close to reaching the release i truly need to be able to mend appropriately. I only have to hold on for 26 more hours and then i know it'll be okay. This distance thing is something i swore i'd never do again but i realize that this is truly something i cannot do without. I know that when i look into his eyes again all these walls i've made recently to keep me up and still going through all my family stress, and work stress and the rest of my life that has collapsed around me will collapse to. And that's what i really need. I'll remember that it is okay to fall apart and that's a part of life sometimes regardless of how much of us would like to say otherwise. I'll probably step off that airplane fall into his arms and burst into tears because at that point it will go past all the words that we talk for hours a week over the phone and within that one look know that it truly will all be okay.
I just have to remember that "i'm almost there" now is not the time to collapse when i'm so close to reaching the release i truly need to be able to mend appropriately. I only have to hold on for 26 more hours and then i know it'll be okay. This distance thing is something i swore i'd never do again but i realize that this is truly something i cannot do without. I know that when i look into his eyes again all these walls i've made recently to keep me up and still going through all my family stress, and work stress and the rest of my life that has collapsed around me will collapse to. And that's what i really need. I'll remember that it is okay to fall apart and that's a part of life sometimes regardless of how much of us would like to say otherwise. I'll probably step off that airplane fall into his arms and burst into tears because at that point it will go past all the words that we talk for hours a week over the phone and within that one look know that it truly will all be okay.