Я влюблённa, I'm afraid.
I am trying to study for the exam on Thursday, but I am so scatter-brained that it's impossible. I have a head full of thoughts on all kinds of different things. The time flies so fast here, it's incredible. And I'm starting to realize that I'm gonna miss Moscow SO MUCH after I leave. I will miss not being here, I will miss the people I met here (skjljlflkf Lena! *clings*), I will miss the metro, I will miss the general feeling. I love Moscow. It's a special place and even though I've only lived here for two months so far, I think the city will always have a special place in my heart. Being here feels so surreal, like it's a dream, and somehow I can't even imagine going back to my regular everyday life and leaving all this behind. There's this piece of me that will forever be bound to this city, this country, this time.
I am coming back to Moscow for my Master degree, in 2008, that's already decided in my head. I can't imagine leaving Moscow without knowing that I will come back.
Sometimes I feel like a stranger here. Sometimes I just want to cry. But then there are times when I realize just how awesome this place is. I am incredibly glad that I have decided to come here. There's no place in the world like Moscow.
I am looking forward to going home for Christmas - a few days ago I realized that I couldn't stay here for Christmas, not being at home for Christmas would be too sad. But at the same time I am afraid of leaving. It scares the shit out of me to imagine that I should leave certain people and never see them again. I'm not letting that happen. It sucks so much that people I care about are scattered around the world.
Also, I feel guilty again - for not speaking enough Russian. Lena, could you just beat me up the next time and force me to speak Russian with you? ;) No, really. I hate myself for not trying hard enough. And I am worried - what will happen to my Russian after I leave? It's not like I will have many opportunities to speak/study it in the US. Well, maybe I will have the chance to take some classes somewhere (but will I have the time)? I want to be fluent in Russian one day... or you know, semi-fluent. I should work harder.
Then there's Cup of Russia. My brain keeps coming back to it every once in a while... But somehow, I still haven't fully grasped the fact that I really probably am going. I can't believe something this great could be happening to me. And gosh, then it will be over in three days... and I know that nothing will ever be the same again, because nothing ever is like the first time. Like my first Hanson concert - no other Hanson concert could ever feel like that. And then I'm gonna be back in Czech or Germany where people don't exclaim oooh, me too! who's your favorite skater? when you tell them that you love figure skating, but give you a weird look instead; I'll be back to where you don't see random billboards with figure skaters on them, or women reading articles about figure skaters in the crowd in the metro, or little kiddies doing double jumps. And I will miss this so bad, too. This country - Russia - is so amazing, honestly. There's all this CULTURE. I might go to see COI in the USA, or some other show, but it will not be the same, because... well, because it's not Russia, I guess. You see, I'm back to where I started - back to loving Moscow, loving Russia, loving Russians.
But enough moping right now! I still have almost two months before I have to hop on a plane and go back to my homecountry, and I am going to ENJOY these two months!!! ♥ Big hugs to Lena, and Sasha, and Tanya, and the cute little Olya who won't read this! I love you!
PS: Should I go see Yunona i Avos on the 23rd? NO! I'm going to see Swan Lake in the Bolshoi on the 23rd! Or maybe on the 30th. I've been waiting for them to play it again, because I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to see the Swan Lake! OMG SQUEE! I'm so excited! And then I want to go see Nutcracker in December!
I am coming back to Moscow for my Master degree, in 2008, that's already decided in my head. I can't imagine leaving Moscow without knowing that I will come back.
Sometimes I feel like a stranger here. Sometimes I just want to cry. But then there are times when I realize just how awesome this place is. I am incredibly glad that I have decided to come here. There's no place in the world like Moscow.
I am looking forward to going home for Christmas - a few days ago I realized that I couldn't stay here for Christmas, not being at home for Christmas would be too sad. But at the same time I am afraid of leaving. It scares the shit out of me to imagine that I should leave certain people and never see them again. I'm not letting that happen. It sucks so much that people I care about are scattered around the world.
Also, I feel guilty again - for not speaking enough Russian. Lena, could you just beat me up the next time and force me to speak Russian with you? ;) No, really. I hate myself for not trying hard enough. And I am worried - what will happen to my Russian after I leave? It's not like I will have many opportunities to speak/study it in the US. Well, maybe I will have the chance to take some classes somewhere (but will I have the time)? I want to be fluent in Russian one day... or you know, semi-fluent. I should work harder.
Then there's Cup of Russia. My brain keeps coming back to it every once in a while... But somehow, I still haven't fully grasped the fact that I really probably am going. I can't believe something this great could be happening to me. And gosh, then it will be over in three days... and I know that nothing will ever be the same again, because nothing ever is like the first time. Like my first Hanson concert - no other Hanson concert could ever feel like that. And then I'm gonna be back in Czech or Germany where people don't exclaim oooh, me too! who's your favorite skater? when you tell them that you love figure skating, but give you a weird look instead; I'll be back to where you don't see random billboards with figure skaters on them, or women reading articles about figure skaters in the crowd in the metro, or little kiddies doing double jumps. And I will miss this so bad, too. This country - Russia - is so amazing, honestly. There's all this CULTURE. I might go to see COI in the USA, or some other show, but it will not be the same, because... well, because it's not Russia, I guess. You see, I'm back to where I started - back to loving Moscow, loving Russia, loving Russians.
But enough moping right now! I still have almost two months before I have to hop on a plane and go back to my homecountry, and I am going to ENJOY these two months!!! ♥ Big hugs to Lena, and Sasha, and Tanya, and the cute little Olya who won't read this! I love you!
PS: Should I go see Yunona i Avos on the 23rd? NO! I'm going to see Swan Lake in the Bolshoi on the 23rd! Or maybe on the 30th. I've been waiting for them to play it again, because I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to see the Swan Lake! OMG SQUEE! I'm so excited! And then I want to go see Nutcracker in December!