New jobros fic - you're off to the mountain top - Joe/Nick
You can probably blame the next few things I write on my new iPod, because as I'm loading it I'm getting myself like, re-obsessed with all my old Tori Amos and Jane's Addiction stuff. So that means I'm going to probably write a lot of porny things with FEELINGS now because of it.
WHOOPS.
Anyway, thanks to novaberry for reading this and helping to make it a lot better than it was. And thanks always to mediaville for being my own personal cheering squad. You look AWESOME in that short skirt and pom poms, lady. Rowr.
Title - you're off to the mountain top
Pairing - Joe/Nick
Rating - adult
Word Count - 3600
you're off to the mountain top
Joe wakes up on a Tuesday, thinking everything is normal. That it’s just going to be another average, boring day.
He gets up and makes coffee. Screws around with his iPod and makes a fairly decent playlist before changing into his running clothes. The sun is high and bright, and Joe stands in his kitchen for a second, looking out the window and trying to decide if he wants to go to the gym or just go jogging in the streets around the house.
When the truck pulls up and stops at his driveway, Joe doesn’t even notice.
The knocking at his door is hard and fast-the first ten bars of Hail to the Chief-and Joe puts his coffee down so fast it sloshes up and over the sides. He feels a smile break across his face and nearly trips over his feet getting to the door. His hand is suddenly damp and slips over the doorknob.
He swings the door open and there’s Nick, standing on Joe’s stoop, the edges of his curls and lines of his body outlined in bright morning sunlight. Joe closes his eyes and spots dance across his vision. He can see the imprint of his brother against his closed eyelids.
When Joe opens his eyes, he fully expects to see an empty stoop in front of him because there’s no way Nick is here - that’s just crazy. Joe blinks and stares and blinks again, but there Nick is, standing there smirking, with his hands in his front pockets, rocking back onto his heels. Maybe Nick's into crazy now. That's the only explanation.
Joe squeaks, “What are you doing here?” then shakes his head when he realizes he doesn't care why Nick is here, just that he is. He grins so hard it hurts his face and grabs Nick’s arm, pulling him tripping and stumbling through the doorway. “Nick,” he says. “I just - Nick.”
Nick’s smile is slow and sweet and just for Joe, just like it's always been. He kicks the door closed and then he’s there, in Joe’s living room, in his stupid plaid shirt and too tight jeans and sneakers that Joe wants to get dirty, step on the toes or kick some dirt on the laces. “I wanted to come say hi,” Nick says. “So…hi.”
“Hi,” Joe says back.
“Hi.”
“Hey.”
Nick shakes his head. “I didn’t come to say hey, Joe. Hi.”
Joe laughs, and then shakes his head again. “Seriously, dude. What are you doing here? You’re in the middle of a tour.”
“I know,” Nick says. “I’ve got a show tonight.”
Nick’s cheeks are pink and his breathing is coming short and fast. He keeps looking from Joe’s eyes to his mouth and back again. His right hand is pressed against his thigh, the fingers curling and uncurling in a fist as he stands there, a good five feet away, almost like he doesn’t want to come too close. If Joe didn’t know any better he’d think there was something wrong. That Nick has a fever or is sick with something.
But Joe does know better. He swallows hard, feels his chest go tight, and walks over, right into Nick’s space, stepping so his thigh is between both of Nick’s. Their shoulders bump and Joe curls his arm around Nick and pulls Nick in. Tucks his face against Nick’s throat and kisses the skin there, feeling it go warm and damp under his lips.
Joe can hear his phone vibrate on the kitchen counter across the room. The refrigerator clicks on with a soft hum. Nick tenses up, his body going stiff and rigid and Joe runs his hand down Nick’s back, feeling the knobs of his spine bump against Joe’s palm.
“I should have called,” Nick murmurs. “You probably have stuff to do today.”
“Not a thing,” Joe says.
Nick pulls back a little and looks into Joe’s face. “Liar,” he says, and Joe can see the smudge of shadows high up on his cheekbones. The way the skin pulls tight and thin around his eyes. Nick looks tired. Stressed. He needs something, and Joe knows that. He’s fine with it. Whatever Nick needs, Joe will give him.
“Not lying,” Joe says quietly. “All right?” He runs his hand down Nick’s arm and tangles their fingers together. The metal of his ring presses against Nick’s palm and they both shiver. “Now, come on,” Joe says.
Nick goes.
*
Joe’s bed takes up half the space of his bedroom and is covered with navy blue sheets and pillows. He holds himself over Nick, fists pressed into the mattress next to Nick’s head and looks at how pale his brother looks against the dark sheets. How his skin is so white except for his cheeks and his chest that are flushed and pink and hot. Joe slides a knee up and Nick shakes under him. His legs fall open and he reaches up, fingers grabbing onto Joe’s hair and pulling him down, trying to get Joe on top of him.
“Hey, wait,” Joe says. He slowly kisses Nick’s eyes, the bridge of Nick’s nose.
Nick shakes his head. He looks annoyed. “Joe,” he huffs. “Are you kidding me?”
“What?” Joe laughs. “We haven’t hung out in thirty-six days and you want me to rush it?”
“Thirty-six days?” Nick asks. The corners of his mouth twitch into a smirk. “You counted?”
“Nah.” Joe shrugs. Feels his own face go hot and he looks away. “It was just a guess.”
Nick looks like he’s about to say something else, make another joke or tease Joe about something stupid, but Joe can’t take it anymore. It’s been so long and hard without Nick around…he just snaps. Breaks. Dips his head and kisses Nick’s mouth, pushing his tongue inside and feeling how wet and hot Nick is. How fast Nick kisses him back.
Nick’s whole body shakes and Joe slides his fingers into Nick’s hair, taking a handful of curls and twisting them around his fingers. He tilts Nick’s head, moves Nick where he wants and kisses Nick’s cheeks and chin. Bites down on Nick’s bottom lip and sucks hard on his tongue. Joe never realized how much he would miss this - every single thing about Nick’s face and mouth and just everything about Nick. It all comes rushing in, hitting Joe so hard he has to stop kissing him; has to take a second to remember how to breathe.
“Joe. Joe-“ Nick sits up as Joe pulls away. He can feel the calluses on Nick’s fingers when Nick curls his hand around the back of Joe's neck. Nick tries to pull him down, goes to kiss him again, but it’s like something broke loose and Joe can’t stop himself now.
He touches Nick’s shoulders and arms. Drags his teeth down Nick’s bicep and Nick hisses. Joe looks up and sees Nick leaning back on his elbows, watching Joe, his chest rising and falling on every quick breath. Joe smirks and kisses across Nick’s chest and stomach.
“Miss me, Nicky?” Joe slides his fingers under the elastic of Nick’s boxers and pulls them back with a gentle snap. Nick’s fingers are knotted in the sheets and it’s so amazing, so hot and Joe hasn’t even done anything yet. Joe’s barely touched him and Nick is already flying apart, barely able to keep himself on the bed.
When they’re away from each other sometimes Joe forgets what it’s like between them. How every time Nick breathes or sighs it hits Joe in the gut, making his own body shake, his own knees weak. He slides his tongue down Nick’s belly and they both moan. Nick’s dick is hard and thick, flushed hot and wet at the tip and Joe slides Nick’s boxers down his legs, takes Nick in his hand, curling his fingers and tugging slow at first, working up a rhythm.
It makes Joe hard, having Nick like this-makes his own dick strain against his shorts. Nick’s hands are on Joe’s back, tugging at him, but Joe can’t stop touching Nick long enough to see what he’s doing.
“Joe, come on, lemme-“ Nick finally gets a hand between them, and then he’s shoving inside Joe’s shorts and pulling him out and, god, it’s so good, so much better than Joe remembers he almost needs to stop because he’s afraid he’s going to come.
Nick won't stop touching him, one hand on Joe’s dick, the other on his back pulling him down, pressing them harder together, yanking at Joe’s hair and sucking the bottom of Joe’s lip, his chin, his neck. Joe wants so much - he just-“Nick, I need, I-“
“Do it harder,” Nick grunts. “Your mouth. God, Joe, please. Gimme your mouth.“
It makes Joe crazy that Nick wants this, wants him so much. Nick hisses when Joe sinks down, his teeth dragging over Nick’s dick, sucking the head and curling his tongue around his brother. Nick is so hard and hot. He’s leaking into Joe’s mouth, slick and salty over Joe’s tongue. Joe shakes and moans. He fists his own dick and jerks himself off fast, face pressed against Nick’s belly, pubes tickling Joe’s lips and nose.
Nick pushes one foot flat on the bed and shoves up, thrusting into Joe’s mouth over and over again. Joe can tell Nick’s close. He can hear it in Nick’s hitching breaths; feel it in the way Nick’s hands won’t stay still, moving from Joe’s head to his back to his chest. Joe thinks about next time. About how he wants to do this first, get Nick all loose and easy and then push Nick’s legs up, lick down under his balls, over the crease of his ass until Joe’s right there, pushing his tongue inside.
Nick touches Joe’s face. He presses against the skin and Joe can tell when he can feel his own dick there because he shakes and moans--Joe’s name falling from his lips when he comes. Joe swallows as much as he can and then pulls away, the rest of it hitting him on the cheek and chin, and he can’t stand it anymore. He feels like if he doesn’t come soon he’s going to go blind from it.
He yanks his shorts all the way off and flings them to the other side of the room, and then he’s crawling up Nick’s body, his knees on either side of Nick’s chest, his ass on Nick’s stomach. Nick digs his hands into Joe’s sides. His eyes are blown wide and glassy, his mouth wet. As Joe is watching Nick bites his bottom lip and Joe’s dick twitches. He fists it in his hand and Nick swallows, says, “Come on, Joe. Do it,” and that’s all it takes. A few more tugs and Joe is shaking and coming all over his brother's chest and face and mouth.
“Oh my god,” Joe sighs, tipping over to the side and falling next to Nick on the bed when he’s done. “I. Uh.” He laughs quietly. “Yeah. So…how’s the tour?”
Nick’s quiet for a second, and then he looks at Joe and cracks up laughing. “It’s good, man. How are things here?”
Joe looks at Nick’s face, smiling and happy, and he doesn’t notice the smudges on his cheekbones, or wrinkles around his eyes. It makes something bloom, low and sweet in Joe’s belly.
“They’re awesome,” Joe tells him.
*
The first time Nick kissed Joe he was thirteen and Joe was sixteen. They were lying in Nick’s bed talking about some song Nick was working on, and he said, “Hey, Joe. I want try something,” and leaned over and kissed him.
The first time Joe kissed Nick was a minute right after that.
It’s always just been them. Just something they did. Something that made them more than everyone else. Something for no one but the two of them.
It was never supposed to mean anything, though. It was never supposed to be important.
Joe wonders how now it winds up that it means everything.
*
Nick stays for a few hours playing some of his new stuff for Joe before getting back in the truck and driving to his hotel. Joe doesn’t ask again why Nick came. He’s not stupid. He knows why Nick came and he’s fine with it. After all, Joe misses Nick too.
It’s already well past noon and Joe wonders what he should do for the rest of the day. It’s too late to go running, but maybe he’ll make a few calls and see if anyone wants to go out, maybe get some food, take a quick bike ride.
He’s at a weird point in his schedule right now which makes for a lot of days without a whole bunch of anything going on. Nick’s still doing his solo tour, so there’s no band for Joe to tour with. Kevin is off being married. They don’t start filming the show for a few weeks yet, and he doesn’t have any trips or gigs or appearances scheduled for what seems like forever.
Not that Joe hasn’t gotten any offers. People call Joe all the time. Joe knows he doesn’t have the best voice in the world, but he’s got a good voice and he’s a damn good performer, which is a hell of a lot more than can be said for half the people in LA. If Joe wanted to, he could be singing at just about any club he wants, any night of the week.
A lot of people think Joe must be bored. Sad or weirded out that everyone’s got something going on except for him. His mom and brothers and friends call him all the time, asking what he’s doing, how he is, what’s going on. It’s nice, in a way, but also kind of strange.
Because the thing is, Joe’s not sad, he’s just not ready. He’s pretty much fine where he is.
*
Nick’s tour ends and his record drops and it’s a whole bunch of craziness for a few weeks. Joe goes out and buys Nick a horse, which everyone hears about, but he also buys him a charm to wear, the Chinese symbol for courage. Nick smiles when Joe gives it to him, his face and neck going pink with embarrassment. He mumbles thanks and hangs it on his chain so it lies just behind his dogtags.
No one hears about that.
Joe has plans to go to Florida with Demi and he hangs out with Nick the day before. They go out for ice cream and smile at all the cameras watching them, and then Nick gets in his truck and drives away as Joe walks off.
What the cameras don’t show is that when Nick drives away he goes to Joe’s, where Joe is already waiting for him. The cameras don’t show the way Nick pushes Joe against the wall in the front hallway, his hands shaking as he yanks Joe’s shirt from his jeans.
“’M’gonna miss you,” Nick mumbles, his lips dragging wet and hot over Joe’s belly. He nudges at Joe’s knee and Joe plants his feet on the floor, opens his legs and lets Nick pull his jeans off his hips.
“It’s only a week,” Joe says. Nick’s mouth is-god, his mouth is so hot. Hot and wet and he swallows Joe’s dick so quick, so fast Joe’s knees go weak. Joe bends over, curls his body and fists handfuls of Nick’s curls in his palms.
Nick’s sucking him like it’s the last time he’s going to get to do it. Like he has to make it something to remember, and Joe gets it. Things used to be so easy with them, but lately it’s gotten harder. Harder to find time to see each other. Harder to learn how to not live in each other’s pockets quite so much. It’s weird, they’re both growing up in a way, and Joe’s not sure he likes it or what it means.
He looks down and sees that Nick’s eyes are closed. He stares at the dark curl of Nick’s eyelashes against his pale skin. Nick’s got his own jeans open and he’s jerking himself as he’s sucking Joe off, the head of his own dick pushing up wet and shiny from the circle of his own fist and that makes Joe harder.
He can feel his dick leak into Nick’s mouth. Nick moans and hums around him and sucks harder, plays with Joe’s balls and jerks himself off with his other hand and that’s it, Joe’s done. He doesn’t even warn Nick before he’s shooting off, coming down Nick’s throat, but Nick doesn’t even flinch-just keeps sucking and swallowing, only stopping for the split second that he comes himself. Joe can feel it hit the leg of his jeans.
Nick’s still breathing hard when Joe sinks to his knees and kisses him, tastes his come mixed salty and thick with Nick’s spit. He kisses into Nick’s mouth, tilting his head and running his hands through Nick’s hair. He touches Nick’s face and ears and throat and doesn’t stop kissing him, barely taking time to breathe or move or think. Nick kisses him back just as hard, just as desperate.
“Joe, I-“ Nick mumbles. He pulls back and Joe touches his thumb to the corner of Nick’s mouth. He pushes on the skin and leans close, and when Nick says, “Joe,” again Joe shakes his head and kisses Nick until he’s quiet.
*
By the time Joe gets back from Florida, Nick is officially dating Selena again. He had called and told Joe when he was taking her out and Joe smiled even though Nick couldn’t see it. He told him to have fun, asked Nick if he needed Joe to get or do anything for them and Nick said no, they were fine, but thanks.
The conversation got weird after that, stilted and kind of quiet. “You’re cool with this, right?” Nick had asked.
“Yeah, of course.” Joe’s smiling to hard his face hurts. He goes to the mirror and sees how glassy his eyes are. How red his face and ears look, the weird way his lips are twisted into a grin. He watches himself for a minute and thinks it’s probably good that no one else is around to see him. “It’s great.”
“It’s just…” Nick trails off, huffs. “You understand, right? I mean, you get-“
“I get it, Nicky,” Joe says, cutting Nick off, because he does get it. He doesn’t really like it, but he gets it.
He’s pretty sure Nick gets it, too.
*
The worst part about being weird with Nick is that Nick is the person Joe talks to when he’s being weird with someone else. So when Nick is the person Joe is being weird with, he kind of talks to no one.
When they see each other they’re fine, but Joe expects that. Nick doesn’t talk to anyone - not even Joe when something is bothering him. He just holes himself up in his studio and writes a hundred songs about loss and longing and trying to find someone to love him.
So when Nick comes over to play something new for Joe, he really listens to it. And when Nick sings that he’s sorry at minute two of seven, Joe gets it.
*
The bright morning sunlight filters through the blinds in Joe’s room and he looks around. Sees clothes lying on his floor, hanging from the back of his desk chair. Nick’s guitar is propped in the corner, one of Joe’s bright yellow socks twisted over the neck. Joe feels wrung out and tired even though it’s first thing in the morning. He’s sticky between his thighs and his back throbs in long scratches.
Nick is next to him under the covers, their legs tangled together, his fingers tripping across Joe’s belly. The sun makes it hard to see Nick’s face or his eyes. All Joe can make out is the slope of his nose, the corner of his smile.
Nick leans down and his curls tickle Joe’s chin. His dogtags brush over Joe’s hand and Joe tugs on them, pulling Nick in for a long, slow kiss.
Sometimes, Joe wishes it was easier with them. That they weren’t so weird. That they were normal. That they never started anything all those years ago because then it wouldn’t be something they had to end, ever.
Sometimes, Joe really believes that.
But most of the time when Joe thinks about them, he thinks of this. Him and Nick together, just the two of them. He thinks about how when they’re together they’re so much more than when they’re apart, so much more than anyone else together that he knows. And no matter what, Joe can never really believe that’s a bad thing.
“So,” Joe says. He clears his throat. “What’re your plans for the day?”
Nick shrugs. Touches Joe’s chest. “I dunno. Thought I’d maybe hang out here with you for a while.”
“Wow,” Joe drawls. “I’m touched.”
“You should be.”
“To what do I owe the honor?”
Nick shrugs again and grins. “Slumming it. I hear it’s good to spend some time with the common people every once in a while.”
Joe laughs, bright and loud; just tosses his head back and goes with it, because yeah. Maybe they won’t be able to keep this up forever. Maybe one day it’ll be too much for both of them. But for now, for today, Joe thinks that everything’s just fine.
-end-
WHOOPS.
Anyway, thanks to novaberry for reading this and helping to make it a lot better than it was. And thanks always to mediaville for being my own personal cheering squad. You look AWESOME in that short skirt and pom poms, lady. Rowr.
Title - you're off to the mountain top
Pairing - Joe/Nick
Rating - adult
Word Count - 3600
you're off to the mountain top
Joe wakes up on a Tuesday, thinking everything is normal. That it’s just going to be another average, boring day.
He gets up and makes coffee. Screws around with his iPod and makes a fairly decent playlist before changing into his running clothes. The sun is high and bright, and Joe stands in his kitchen for a second, looking out the window and trying to decide if he wants to go to the gym or just go jogging in the streets around the house.
When the truck pulls up and stops at his driveway, Joe doesn’t even notice.
The knocking at his door is hard and fast-the first ten bars of Hail to the Chief-and Joe puts his coffee down so fast it sloshes up and over the sides. He feels a smile break across his face and nearly trips over his feet getting to the door. His hand is suddenly damp and slips over the doorknob.
He swings the door open and there’s Nick, standing on Joe’s stoop, the edges of his curls and lines of his body outlined in bright morning sunlight. Joe closes his eyes and spots dance across his vision. He can see the imprint of his brother against his closed eyelids.
When Joe opens his eyes, he fully expects to see an empty stoop in front of him because there’s no way Nick is here - that’s just crazy. Joe blinks and stares and blinks again, but there Nick is, standing there smirking, with his hands in his front pockets, rocking back onto his heels. Maybe Nick's into crazy now. That's the only explanation.
Joe squeaks, “What are you doing here?” then shakes his head when he realizes he doesn't care why Nick is here, just that he is. He grins so hard it hurts his face and grabs Nick’s arm, pulling him tripping and stumbling through the doorway. “Nick,” he says. “I just - Nick.”
Nick’s smile is slow and sweet and just for Joe, just like it's always been. He kicks the door closed and then he’s there, in Joe’s living room, in his stupid plaid shirt and too tight jeans and sneakers that Joe wants to get dirty, step on the toes or kick some dirt on the laces. “I wanted to come say hi,” Nick says. “So…hi.”
“Hi,” Joe says back.
“Hi.”
“Hey.”
Nick shakes his head. “I didn’t come to say hey, Joe. Hi.”
Joe laughs, and then shakes his head again. “Seriously, dude. What are you doing here? You’re in the middle of a tour.”
“I know,” Nick says. “I’ve got a show tonight.”
Nick’s cheeks are pink and his breathing is coming short and fast. He keeps looking from Joe’s eyes to his mouth and back again. His right hand is pressed against his thigh, the fingers curling and uncurling in a fist as he stands there, a good five feet away, almost like he doesn’t want to come too close. If Joe didn’t know any better he’d think there was something wrong. That Nick has a fever or is sick with something.
But Joe does know better. He swallows hard, feels his chest go tight, and walks over, right into Nick’s space, stepping so his thigh is between both of Nick’s. Their shoulders bump and Joe curls his arm around Nick and pulls Nick in. Tucks his face against Nick’s throat and kisses the skin there, feeling it go warm and damp under his lips.
Joe can hear his phone vibrate on the kitchen counter across the room. The refrigerator clicks on with a soft hum. Nick tenses up, his body going stiff and rigid and Joe runs his hand down Nick’s back, feeling the knobs of his spine bump against Joe’s palm.
“I should have called,” Nick murmurs. “You probably have stuff to do today.”
“Not a thing,” Joe says.
Nick pulls back a little and looks into Joe’s face. “Liar,” he says, and Joe can see the smudge of shadows high up on his cheekbones. The way the skin pulls tight and thin around his eyes. Nick looks tired. Stressed. He needs something, and Joe knows that. He’s fine with it. Whatever Nick needs, Joe will give him.
“Not lying,” Joe says quietly. “All right?” He runs his hand down Nick’s arm and tangles their fingers together. The metal of his ring presses against Nick’s palm and they both shiver. “Now, come on,” Joe says.
Nick goes.
*
Joe’s bed takes up half the space of his bedroom and is covered with navy blue sheets and pillows. He holds himself over Nick, fists pressed into the mattress next to Nick’s head and looks at how pale his brother looks against the dark sheets. How his skin is so white except for his cheeks and his chest that are flushed and pink and hot. Joe slides a knee up and Nick shakes under him. His legs fall open and he reaches up, fingers grabbing onto Joe’s hair and pulling him down, trying to get Joe on top of him.
“Hey, wait,” Joe says. He slowly kisses Nick’s eyes, the bridge of Nick’s nose.
Nick shakes his head. He looks annoyed. “Joe,” he huffs. “Are you kidding me?”
“What?” Joe laughs. “We haven’t hung out in thirty-six days and you want me to rush it?”
“Thirty-six days?” Nick asks. The corners of his mouth twitch into a smirk. “You counted?”
“Nah.” Joe shrugs. Feels his own face go hot and he looks away. “It was just a guess.”
Nick looks like he’s about to say something else, make another joke or tease Joe about something stupid, but Joe can’t take it anymore. It’s been so long and hard without Nick around…he just snaps. Breaks. Dips his head and kisses Nick’s mouth, pushing his tongue inside and feeling how wet and hot Nick is. How fast Nick kisses him back.
Nick’s whole body shakes and Joe slides his fingers into Nick’s hair, taking a handful of curls and twisting them around his fingers. He tilts Nick’s head, moves Nick where he wants and kisses Nick’s cheeks and chin. Bites down on Nick’s bottom lip and sucks hard on his tongue. Joe never realized how much he would miss this - every single thing about Nick’s face and mouth and just everything about Nick. It all comes rushing in, hitting Joe so hard he has to stop kissing him; has to take a second to remember how to breathe.
“Joe. Joe-“ Nick sits up as Joe pulls away. He can feel the calluses on Nick’s fingers when Nick curls his hand around the back of Joe's neck. Nick tries to pull him down, goes to kiss him again, but it’s like something broke loose and Joe can’t stop himself now.
He touches Nick’s shoulders and arms. Drags his teeth down Nick’s bicep and Nick hisses. Joe looks up and sees Nick leaning back on his elbows, watching Joe, his chest rising and falling on every quick breath. Joe smirks and kisses across Nick’s chest and stomach.
“Miss me, Nicky?” Joe slides his fingers under the elastic of Nick’s boxers and pulls them back with a gentle snap. Nick’s fingers are knotted in the sheets and it’s so amazing, so hot and Joe hasn’t even done anything yet. Joe’s barely touched him and Nick is already flying apart, barely able to keep himself on the bed.
When they’re away from each other sometimes Joe forgets what it’s like between them. How every time Nick breathes or sighs it hits Joe in the gut, making his own body shake, his own knees weak. He slides his tongue down Nick’s belly and they both moan. Nick’s dick is hard and thick, flushed hot and wet at the tip and Joe slides Nick’s boxers down his legs, takes Nick in his hand, curling his fingers and tugging slow at first, working up a rhythm.
It makes Joe hard, having Nick like this-makes his own dick strain against his shorts. Nick’s hands are on Joe’s back, tugging at him, but Joe can’t stop touching Nick long enough to see what he’s doing.
“Joe, come on, lemme-“ Nick finally gets a hand between them, and then he’s shoving inside Joe’s shorts and pulling him out and, god, it’s so good, so much better than Joe remembers he almost needs to stop because he’s afraid he’s going to come.
Nick won't stop touching him, one hand on Joe’s dick, the other on his back pulling him down, pressing them harder together, yanking at Joe’s hair and sucking the bottom of Joe’s lip, his chin, his neck. Joe wants so much - he just-“Nick, I need, I-“
“Do it harder,” Nick grunts. “Your mouth. God, Joe, please. Gimme your mouth.“
It makes Joe crazy that Nick wants this, wants him so much. Nick hisses when Joe sinks down, his teeth dragging over Nick’s dick, sucking the head and curling his tongue around his brother. Nick is so hard and hot. He’s leaking into Joe’s mouth, slick and salty over Joe’s tongue. Joe shakes and moans. He fists his own dick and jerks himself off fast, face pressed against Nick’s belly, pubes tickling Joe’s lips and nose.
Nick pushes one foot flat on the bed and shoves up, thrusting into Joe’s mouth over and over again. Joe can tell Nick’s close. He can hear it in Nick’s hitching breaths; feel it in the way Nick’s hands won’t stay still, moving from Joe’s head to his back to his chest. Joe thinks about next time. About how he wants to do this first, get Nick all loose and easy and then push Nick’s legs up, lick down under his balls, over the crease of his ass until Joe’s right there, pushing his tongue inside.
Nick touches Joe’s face. He presses against the skin and Joe can tell when he can feel his own dick there because he shakes and moans--Joe’s name falling from his lips when he comes. Joe swallows as much as he can and then pulls away, the rest of it hitting him on the cheek and chin, and he can’t stand it anymore. He feels like if he doesn’t come soon he’s going to go blind from it.
He yanks his shorts all the way off and flings them to the other side of the room, and then he’s crawling up Nick’s body, his knees on either side of Nick’s chest, his ass on Nick’s stomach. Nick digs his hands into Joe’s sides. His eyes are blown wide and glassy, his mouth wet. As Joe is watching Nick bites his bottom lip and Joe’s dick twitches. He fists it in his hand and Nick swallows, says, “Come on, Joe. Do it,” and that’s all it takes. A few more tugs and Joe is shaking and coming all over his brother's chest and face and mouth.
“Oh my god,” Joe sighs, tipping over to the side and falling next to Nick on the bed when he’s done. “I. Uh.” He laughs quietly. “Yeah. So…how’s the tour?”
Nick’s quiet for a second, and then he looks at Joe and cracks up laughing. “It’s good, man. How are things here?”
Joe looks at Nick’s face, smiling and happy, and he doesn’t notice the smudges on his cheekbones, or wrinkles around his eyes. It makes something bloom, low and sweet in Joe’s belly.
“They’re awesome,” Joe tells him.
*
The first time Nick kissed Joe he was thirteen and Joe was sixteen. They were lying in Nick’s bed talking about some song Nick was working on, and he said, “Hey, Joe. I want try something,” and leaned over and kissed him.
The first time Joe kissed Nick was a minute right after that.
It’s always just been them. Just something they did. Something that made them more than everyone else. Something for no one but the two of them.
It was never supposed to mean anything, though. It was never supposed to be important.
Joe wonders how now it winds up that it means everything.
*
Nick stays for a few hours playing some of his new stuff for Joe before getting back in the truck and driving to his hotel. Joe doesn’t ask again why Nick came. He’s not stupid. He knows why Nick came and he’s fine with it. After all, Joe misses Nick too.
It’s already well past noon and Joe wonders what he should do for the rest of the day. It’s too late to go running, but maybe he’ll make a few calls and see if anyone wants to go out, maybe get some food, take a quick bike ride.
He’s at a weird point in his schedule right now which makes for a lot of days without a whole bunch of anything going on. Nick’s still doing his solo tour, so there’s no band for Joe to tour with. Kevin is off being married. They don’t start filming the show for a few weeks yet, and he doesn’t have any trips or gigs or appearances scheduled for what seems like forever.
Not that Joe hasn’t gotten any offers. People call Joe all the time. Joe knows he doesn’t have the best voice in the world, but he’s got a good voice and he’s a damn good performer, which is a hell of a lot more than can be said for half the people in LA. If Joe wanted to, he could be singing at just about any club he wants, any night of the week.
A lot of people think Joe must be bored. Sad or weirded out that everyone’s got something going on except for him. His mom and brothers and friends call him all the time, asking what he’s doing, how he is, what’s going on. It’s nice, in a way, but also kind of strange.
Because the thing is, Joe’s not sad, he’s just not ready. He’s pretty much fine where he is.
*
Nick’s tour ends and his record drops and it’s a whole bunch of craziness for a few weeks. Joe goes out and buys Nick a horse, which everyone hears about, but he also buys him a charm to wear, the Chinese symbol for courage. Nick smiles when Joe gives it to him, his face and neck going pink with embarrassment. He mumbles thanks and hangs it on his chain so it lies just behind his dogtags.
No one hears about that.
Joe has plans to go to Florida with Demi and he hangs out with Nick the day before. They go out for ice cream and smile at all the cameras watching them, and then Nick gets in his truck and drives away as Joe walks off.
What the cameras don’t show is that when Nick drives away he goes to Joe’s, where Joe is already waiting for him. The cameras don’t show the way Nick pushes Joe against the wall in the front hallway, his hands shaking as he yanks Joe’s shirt from his jeans.
“’M’gonna miss you,” Nick mumbles, his lips dragging wet and hot over Joe’s belly. He nudges at Joe’s knee and Joe plants his feet on the floor, opens his legs and lets Nick pull his jeans off his hips.
“It’s only a week,” Joe says. Nick’s mouth is-god, his mouth is so hot. Hot and wet and he swallows Joe’s dick so quick, so fast Joe’s knees go weak. Joe bends over, curls his body and fists handfuls of Nick’s curls in his palms.
Nick’s sucking him like it’s the last time he’s going to get to do it. Like he has to make it something to remember, and Joe gets it. Things used to be so easy with them, but lately it’s gotten harder. Harder to find time to see each other. Harder to learn how to not live in each other’s pockets quite so much. It’s weird, they’re both growing up in a way, and Joe’s not sure he likes it or what it means.
He looks down and sees that Nick’s eyes are closed. He stares at the dark curl of Nick’s eyelashes against his pale skin. Nick’s got his own jeans open and he’s jerking himself as he’s sucking Joe off, the head of his own dick pushing up wet and shiny from the circle of his own fist and that makes Joe harder.
He can feel his dick leak into Nick’s mouth. Nick moans and hums around him and sucks harder, plays with Joe’s balls and jerks himself off with his other hand and that’s it, Joe’s done. He doesn’t even warn Nick before he’s shooting off, coming down Nick’s throat, but Nick doesn’t even flinch-just keeps sucking and swallowing, only stopping for the split second that he comes himself. Joe can feel it hit the leg of his jeans.
Nick’s still breathing hard when Joe sinks to his knees and kisses him, tastes his come mixed salty and thick with Nick’s spit. He kisses into Nick’s mouth, tilting his head and running his hands through Nick’s hair. He touches Nick’s face and ears and throat and doesn’t stop kissing him, barely taking time to breathe or move or think. Nick kisses him back just as hard, just as desperate.
“Joe, I-“ Nick mumbles. He pulls back and Joe touches his thumb to the corner of Nick’s mouth. He pushes on the skin and leans close, and when Nick says, “Joe,” again Joe shakes his head and kisses Nick until he’s quiet.
*
By the time Joe gets back from Florida, Nick is officially dating Selena again. He had called and told Joe when he was taking her out and Joe smiled even though Nick couldn’t see it. He told him to have fun, asked Nick if he needed Joe to get or do anything for them and Nick said no, they were fine, but thanks.
The conversation got weird after that, stilted and kind of quiet. “You’re cool with this, right?” Nick had asked.
“Yeah, of course.” Joe’s smiling to hard his face hurts. He goes to the mirror and sees how glassy his eyes are. How red his face and ears look, the weird way his lips are twisted into a grin. He watches himself for a minute and thinks it’s probably good that no one else is around to see him. “It’s great.”
“It’s just…” Nick trails off, huffs. “You understand, right? I mean, you get-“
“I get it, Nicky,” Joe says, cutting Nick off, because he does get it. He doesn’t really like it, but he gets it.
He’s pretty sure Nick gets it, too.
*
The worst part about being weird with Nick is that Nick is the person Joe talks to when he’s being weird with someone else. So when Nick is the person Joe is being weird with, he kind of talks to no one.
When they see each other they’re fine, but Joe expects that. Nick doesn’t talk to anyone - not even Joe when something is bothering him. He just holes himself up in his studio and writes a hundred songs about loss and longing and trying to find someone to love him.
So when Nick comes over to play something new for Joe, he really listens to it. And when Nick sings that he’s sorry at minute two of seven, Joe gets it.
*
The bright morning sunlight filters through the blinds in Joe’s room and he looks around. Sees clothes lying on his floor, hanging from the back of his desk chair. Nick’s guitar is propped in the corner, one of Joe’s bright yellow socks twisted over the neck. Joe feels wrung out and tired even though it’s first thing in the morning. He’s sticky between his thighs and his back throbs in long scratches.
Nick is next to him under the covers, their legs tangled together, his fingers tripping across Joe’s belly. The sun makes it hard to see Nick’s face or his eyes. All Joe can make out is the slope of his nose, the corner of his smile.
Nick leans down and his curls tickle Joe’s chin. His dogtags brush over Joe’s hand and Joe tugs on them, pulling Nick in for a long, slow kiss.
Sometimes, Joe wishes it was easier with them. That they weren’t so weird. That they were normal. That they never started anything all those years ago because then it wouldn’t be something they had to end, ever.
Sometimes, Joe really believes that.
But most of the time when Joe thinks about them, he thinks of this. Him and Nick together, just the two of them. He thinks about how when they’re together they’re so much more than when they’re apart, so much more than anyone else together that he knows. And no matter what, Joe can never really believe that’s a bad thing.
“So,” Joe says. He clears his throat. “What’re your plans for the day?”
Nick shrugs. Touches Joe’s chest. “I dunno. Thought I’d maybe hang out here with you for a while.”
“Wow,” Joe drawls. “I’m touched.”
“You should be.”
“To what do I owe the honor?”
Nick shrugs again and grins. “Slumming it. I hear it’s good to spend some time with the common people every once in a while.”
Joe laughs, bright and loud; just tosses his head back and goes with it, because yeah. Maybe they won’t be able to keep this up forever. Maybe one day it’ll be too much for both of them. But for now, for today, Joe thinks that everything’s just fine.
-end-