But you're still alive...
I am officially in love with Alanis. She gives me goosebumps *shivers.*
Anywho, 27 DAYS!!!!!!!! I'm so excited to turn 16! I've already made a list of stuff I want from parents, and it's all shoes and clothes. My mom's in this moral dilema of "oh no, we shouldn't just get SHOES for Emily's 16th birthday!!" Me: "Yes, yes, you really should." I mean, hey, if she wants to get me a diamond necklace and whatnot IN ADDITION to the sexiness of the shoes that I want, then go for it Mom! Just being 16 will be enough for me. 15 has been rather... interesting. Wow, yeah, QUITE interesting.
So I've been reading the book "Mary, Called Magdalene", obviously about Mary Magdalene. It presents Jesus in this awesome light of the pacifist reformer he was SUPPOSED to be. I already knew pretty much the outside goal of Jesus the person, but to read this not in the Bible setting is very nice. I mean, I began to read the Old Testament... yeah. It just frustrated and angered me. Though Jesus didn't have anything to do with the Old Testament. But I mean, where else to start than the beginning? Meh, tis as it is.
Still, I was talking to my mom last night about it all, and I was telling her how I kind of grouped all Christians together into a kind of enemy group to me. Like they're all after to me to "save" my soul. But through varied experiences, I know that most of Christians aren't out there to drag me to God. Though I'm sure a lot of them still hold "hope" for my soul... Whatever hope there is is in me already, and it's MINE for the finding. Anyway, I've also realized that religion itself isn't necessarily such a bad thing. Personally, I dislike organized religion, but I can see how it can be a comforting and morally guiding institution for people. Going even more in depth, I think the concept of God is a great thing too. The concept of perfection is something I suppose we can ruminate upon, but not strive to achieve. Or maybe strive to achieve, but accept that we never will. God is the "embodiment", if you will, of perfection. This is why it's so confusing for me. I like answers, and I like tangible evidence. Of course, I accepted a long time ago that I would not get physical evidence of God, but I mean, it takes a while to accept something if your sub-concious is a very persistent thing.
There was one passage in the book that really spelled out my current faith situation:
"It is true that God sometimes gives us promises to sustain us through the bad times. But it seems he does not reveal his will to curiosity-seekers, only to those he knows will obey his will. And for those who will obey, he does not need to reveal it."
That is pretty much the definition of faith. It's pretty much in line with my defition: faith is irrational, along with love and life. But it's not so easy to just say "Oh, ok, if I obey than my faith will be all peachy." I mean, I can't lie to myself and pretend that I believe in God just so I'll feel like the knowledge is at my fingertips. It isn't, and probably shouldn't ever be. I mean, those people who say they "know" God is real. That's not possible. God, the concept, the being, the divine, whatever anyone chooses to refer to it as, is not speaking or showing himself. You can't KNOW. It's presumptuous and insulting to God to say that you KNOW he exists. God is supposed to be some mysterious, shrouded being. I suppose, one could feel such an existence, but that is where faith comes in. And faith is what I do not have.
Ah, such a lovely circle of perfectly illogical concepts.
So anyway, that was my musing for the day. This book is very good. If I learn anything from it, it will be the pacifistic and thoughtful ways of Jesus, the person. Not the Son of God, or whatever, but the actual PERSON that I do think existed.
One never knows.
Anywho, 27 DAYS!!!!!!!! I'm so excited to turn 16! I've already made a list of stuff I want from parents, and it's all shoes and clothes. My mom's in this moral dilema of "oh no, we shouldn't just get SHOES for Emily's 16th birthday!!" Me: "Yes, yes, you really should." I mean, hey, if she wants to get me a diamond necklace and whatnot IN ADDITION to the sexiness of the shoes that I want, then go for it Mom! Just being 16 will be enough for me. 15 has been rather... interesting. Wow, yeah, QUITE interesting.
So I've been reading the book "Mary, Called Magdalene", obviously about Mary Magdalene. It presents Jesus in this awesome light of the pacifist reformer he was SUPPOSED to be. I already knew pretty much the outside goal of Jesus the person, but to read this not in the Bible setting is very nice. I mean, I began to read the Old Testament... yeah. It just frustrated and angered me. Though Jesus didn't have anything to do with the Old Testament. But I mean, where else to start than the beginning? Meh, tis as it is.
Still, I was talking to my mom last night about it all, and I was telling her how I kind of grouped all Christians together into a kind of enemy group to me. Like they're all after to me to "save" my soul. But through varied experiences, I know that most of Christians aren't out there to drag me to God. Though I'm sure a lot of them still hold "hope" for my soul... Whatever hope there is is in me already, and it's MINE for the finding. Anyway, I've also realized that religion itself isn't necessarily such a bad thing. Personally, I dislike organized religion, but I can see how it can be a comforting and morally guiding institution for people. Going even more in depth, I think the concept of God is a great thing too. The concept of perfection is something I suppose we can ruminate upon, but not strive to achieve. Or maybe strive to achieve, but accept that we never will. God is the "embodiment", if you will, of perfection. This is why it's so confusing for me. I like answers, and I like tangible evidence. Of course, I accepted a long time ago that I would not get physical evidence of God, but I mean, it takes a while to accept something if your sub-concious is a very persistent thing.
There was one passage in the book that really spelled out my current faith situation:
"It is true that God sometimes gives us promises to sustain us through the bad times. But it seems he does not reveal his will to curiosity-seekers, only to those he knows will obey his will. And for those who will obey, he does not need to reveal it."
That is pretty much the definition of faith. It's pretty much in line with my defition: faith is irrational, along with love and life. But it's not so easy to just say "Oh, ok, if I obey than my faith will be all peachy." I mean, I can't lie to myself and pretend that I believe in God just so I'll feel like the knowledge is at my fingertips. It isn't, and probably shouldn't ever be. I mean, those people who say they "know" God is real. That's not possible. God, the concept, the being, the divine, whatever anyone chooses to refer to it as, is not speaking or showing himself. You can't KNOW. It's presumptuous and insulting to God to say that you KNOW he exists. God is supposed to be some mysterious, shrouded being. I suppose, one could feel such an existence, but that is where faith comes in. And faith is what I do not have.
Ah, such a lovely circle of perfectly illogical concepts.
So anyway, that was my musing for the day. This book is very good. If I learn anything from it, it will be the pacifistic and thoughtful ways of Jesus, the person. Not the Son of God, or whatever, but the actual PERSON that I do think existed.
One never knows.