Doctors.
I had an idea for a movie yesterday, while seated in the exam room of my allergist. Not really for a specific movie per say, but more a set of circumstances that would allow me to irritate my doctors as much as they irritate me. My GP, Allergist, Dermatologist, my kids Pediatricians, OBGYNs (ok the last two technically aren't MY doctors, but I have to sit in their rooms too, so fuck 'em), etc etc. I'll let my Pulmonologist sit this one out as he's been nothing but spectacular to me.
It was there, staring at a poster of 7000 years of Chinese history from the Boston MFA (I think...where the display was taking place was irrelevant, but it was definitely Boston) that I realized I needed to pay back my doctors in kind.
So my movie idea is simply to take the perspective of someone sitting in a doctor's office and have the camera stare at the wall. Or the Kleenex box on the table with the advertisements for antihistamine's on it. Hell it can even pan over to the closed and covered window for all I care. But the simple idea is that it's basically an hour of just sitting in some office somewhere. Maybe the camera will go black, like you just fell asleep. And it'll pan to the doorway every time you hear someone walk by. And it'll go on like that for 45 minutes to an hour. And then it'll ten minutes of story, I think the story probably should not make any sense, or at least not have any cohesive plot and then they'll be ushers in the doorways taking their copays of $25.
I'm just tired of sitting in a doctor's office and wondering where the hell the bastards are. We've even started asking the receptionist how far behind they are. Usually we get the 'oh not too bad' BS and then sit for twenty minutes in the room. I understand they can't be exactly on time and that sometimes patients take longer than planned, but for fucks sake get some more help then.
Also, for the love of pete get another doctor to help out, not a Physicians Assistant. The one at my GP doesn't know the first thing about what the hell she's talking about. I've seen her two to three times. Twice that I can remember and I thought one more time, but I think she may have given me some kind of elixir because I don't remember shit. Anyway, the first time I had to explain to her what shingles was. Hm. Then she prescribed me meds. Then she called me a couple of hours later and told me NOT to take the meds unless I had more symptoms. Which we had already talked about, I knew that I didn't currently have shingles, but it felt like it may be coming on, so I was taking precautions. The second time I saw her she couldn't understand what I was talking about. I had an infection in my right elbow. It was bright red and inflamed. The other elbow was normal. I told her the symptoms: it started out slightly sore, but was now quite sore, and there was a pretty good burning sensation. I told her about the swelling. The redness. Then she looked at my elbow and asked me if it hurt.
Did I somehow injure it?
No, I didn't. There's been no kind of activity where my elbow would have been injured.
Does it burn?
Yes, yes it does.
And you didn't injure it?
No. But it burns. And is bright red. And inflamed.
Is it really inflamed?
Yu-Yes?
Would you say that it's more inflamed than your other elbow?
Definitely.
Does it hurt?
Mm-hm.
Let me take a look at that.
Okay.
Hmmm...you're sure you didn't injure it?
Yeah.
Yet, it's still inflamed and sore?
Well...yeah.
Does it hurt all the time?
Yes.
You say it's red, how much redder than normal is it?
Very. It's red. My elbows are not normally bright red. And inflamed. And constantly burning.
I see. Let me see your other elbow. Ah yes, that elbow is not red.
Yes, that's because it's fine.
I'm going to have to talk to the doctor about this one.
For fucks sake, if you're going to have to talk to the doctor anyway, you might as well just have the goddamned nurse take the notes about what is wrong and have the shitfucking doctor come take a look at it, prescribed the ballsucking antibiotics and let me get on my humble asshole sniffing way!
At least she didn't call me two hours later and tell me not to take the meds she prescribed.
It was there, staring at a poster of 7000 years of Chinese history from the Boston MFA (I think...where the display was taking place was irrelevant, but it was definitely Boston) that I realized I needed to pay back my doctors in kind.
So my movie idea is simply to take the perspective of someone sitting in a doctor's office and have the camera stare at the wall. Or the Kleenex box on the table with the advertisements for antihistamine's on it. Hell it can even pan over to the closed and covered window for all I care. But the simple idea is that it's basically an hour of just sitting in some office somewhere. Maybe the camera will go black, like you just fell asleep. And it'll pan to the doorway every time you hear someone walk by. And it'll go on like that for 45 minutes to an hour. And then it'll ten minutes of story, I think the story probably should not make any sense, or at least not have any cohesive plot and then they'll be ushers in the doorways taking their copays of $25.
I'm just tired of sitting in a doctor's office and wondering where the hell the bastards are. We've even started asking the receptionist how far behind they are. Usually we get the 'oh not too bad' BS and then sit for twenty minutes in the room. I understand they can't be exactly on time and that sometimes patients take longer than planned, but for fucks sake get some more help then.
Also, for the love of pete get another doctor to help out, not a Physicians Assistant. The one at my GP doesn't know the first thing about what the hell she's talking about. I've seen her two to three times. Twice that I can remember and I thought one more time, but I think she may have given me some kind of elixir because I don't remember shit. Anyway, the first time I had to explain to her what shingles was. Hm. Then she prescribed me meds. Then she called me a couple of hours later and told me NOT to take the meds unless I had more symptoms. Which we had already talked about, I knew that I didn't currently have shingles, but it felt like it may be coming on, so I was taking precautions. The second time I saw her she couldn't understand what I was talking about. I had an infection in my right elbow. It was bright red and inflamed. The other elbow was normal. I told her the symptoms: it started out slightly sore, but was now quite sore, and there was a pretty good burning sensation. I told her about the swelling. The redness. Then she looked at my elbow and asked me if it hurt.
Did I somehow injure it?
No, I didn't. There's been no kind of activity where my elbow would have been injured.
Does it burn?
Yes, yes it does.
And you didn't injure it?
No. But it burns. And is bright red. And inflamed.
Is it really inflamed?
Yu-Yes?
Would you say that it's more inflamed than your other elbow?
Definitely.
Does it hurt?
Mm-hm.
Let me take a look at that.
Okay.
Hmmm...you're sure you didn't injure it?
Yeah.
Yet, it's still inflamed and sore?
Well...yeah.
Does it hurt all the time?
Yes.
You say it's red, how much redder than normal is it?
Very. It's red. My elbows are not normally bright red. And inflamed. And constantly burning.
I see. Let me see your other elbow. Ah yes, that elbow is not red.
Yes, that's because it's fine.
I'm going to have to talk to the doctor about this one.
For fucks sake, if you're going to have to talk to the doctor anyway, you might as well just have the goddamned nurse take the notes about what is wrong and have the shitfucking doctor come take a look at it, prescribed the ballsucking antibiotics and let me get on my humble asshole sniffing way!
At least she didn't call me two hours later and tell me not to take the meds she prescribed.