Curse that yearly letter.
So I definitely read my yearly letter to myself yesterday. Every year (as corny as it sounds) I write a letter to myself. I do it right before school starts and then I read it after school is over. This year was a real let down. I don't think I accomplished many of my goals. Let's see: I got a job (check...well I had a job), I did community service (check...not as much as I had hoped), I grew closer to God (ha...), I got my permit (bha! NOT!), I got a car (this implies you can drive and I cannot), I reached out to little kids (check), so on and so on... My letter is what depressed me. I don't ever remember being this person. So optimistic. It seems as if just about everything I told myself to do...I did the opposite. My letter reads as follows:
Dear Casey,
I hope you went far this year. Don't be discouraged if all your goals weren't met. It's ok! Remember that by setting goals for yourself it gives you a reassurance for a positive future. Just don't forget that in order to obtain a positive future you have to be willing to work hard to achieve the goals you've set for yourself. Make sure you are living a Godly life and that your "light" is shinning bright for the world to see. You will always stumble, but you have to pick yourself up and try not to backslide too often. If at times you feel as if you can't pick yourself up or that you can't get through something then just turn to God. Turn to Him first and for most, always! Don't let others hurt your self-esteem! Remember to be humble in everything you do! Do everything without complaining! Don't be petty and ungrateful! You are where you are today because of God so don't forget to thank Him, often! Make the right choices! If you find yourself becoming "of the world" just think to yourself "What would Jesus do?" (I know it's corny but oh so true). Don't gossip. Never at any time should you speak idoly of a person! Let the words that come out of your mouth edify others at all times! Don't give into peer pressure! It's going to be hard, but you have to have faith in yourself! Be charismatic. Remember others judge/view you by your actions, therefore people should always be able to tell you are a Christian! Reach out to those in need! Try hard in all you do, and be sure to take it serious! Laugh and smile everyday. It's said that it helps prevent cancer. Don't smoke, it causes cancer! Don't drink. And of course don't have sex! Remain faithful to God because He is always faithful to you! Live life to the fullest and have no regrets (for the Bible says to forget that which is behind...haha!)! Oh and be true to yourself always, unless that means defying God.
Love always,
Casey (a year ago)
So any person that has the gift of reading comprehension can understand that my letter was based solely around my relationship with God (for the most part). As of right now, I basically have NO relationship with God. I've tried...and nothing. My goal was to grow closer to Him. What do I do? Run away. It was definitely a smack in the face reading this letter. It would've been one thing for someone else to have written it to me, but to know that I wrote it to myself (at a time when I had a wonderful relationship with Him)hurts. Why do I even care anymore? All too often I've wanted to give up on Him. It seems as if He has given up on me. I've tried to connect but there have been no results...no positive ones at least. I haven't given up yet. Not completely. To tell you the truth, I'm so close it isn't funny, BUT I can't. I won't. I know this. I might as well have already though. I don't pray. Why would I? I've done enough praying already and He hasn't changed anything. I'm tired of being pissed at Him. I'm tired of even hating Him. I don't want to. I never did. But everything keeps falling apart and all I know to do is blame Him. So here I am...stuck. Stuck between that rock and that hard place again. Do I take the easy road? The road that will ultimately lead to a dead end? Or do I take the difficult road. The road that will take some work to get through all the detours. The road that in the end will bring me out exactly where I need/want to be. This seems like a no-brainer...right? Then why is it so hard for me to answer? Why can't I just say, "OK GOD! I'm willing to give this another shot. Even though I've tried and seen no results, I'm ready to try once again. I'm ready because I know that Your will will be presented to me in due time." And sure I could easily say it, but would I truely mean it? It's so exhausting. Maybe I'll give it some more time.
BLAH! Oh and for the record, any advice you might give it will be greatly appreciated. HOWEVER, more than likely I've already heard it. So if it is the cliche response...don't waste your time. No offense. But I'm tired of hearing, "God is just waiting on you." "You have to be willing to work even when you don't want to" "God hasn't left you" etc, etc. You know the lines I'm referring to so don't try to act like you don't...lol.
Oh on the brightside...my fingernails are pretty.
Dear Casey,
I hope you went far this year. Don't be discouraged if all your goals weren't met. It's ok! Remember that by setting goals for yourself it gives you a reassurance for a positive future. Just don't forget that in order to obtain a positive future you have to be willing to work hard to achieve the goals you've set for yourself. Make sure you are living a Godly life and that your "light" is shinning bright for the world to see. You will always stumble, but you have to pick yourself up and try not to backslide too often. If at times you feel as if you can't pick yourself up or that you can't get through something then just turn to God. Turn to Him first and for most, always! Don't let others hurt your self-esteem! Remember to be humble in everything you do! Do everything without complaining! Don't be petty and ungrateful! You are where you are today because of God so don't forget to thank Him, often! Make the right choices! If you find yourself becoming "of the world" just think to yourself "What would Jesus do?" (I know it's corny but oh so true). Don't gossip. Never at any time should you speak idoly of a person! Let the words that come out of your mouth edify others at all times! Don't give into peer pressure! It's going to be hard, but you have to have faith in yourself! Be charismatic. Remember others judge/view you by your actions, therefore people should always be able to tell you are a Christian! Reach out to those in need! Try hard in all you do, and be sure to take it serious! Laugh and smile everyday. It's said that it helps prevent cancer. Don't smoke, it causes cancer! Don't drink. And of course don't have sex! Remain faithful to God because He is always faithful to you! Live life to the fullest and have no regrets (for the Bible says to forget that which is behind...haha!)! Oh and be true to yourself always, unless that means defying God.
Love always,
Casey (a year ago)
So any person that has the gift of reading comprehension can understand that my letter was based solely around my relationship with God (for the most part). As of right now, I basically have NO relationship with God. I've tried...and nothing. My goal was to grow closer to Him. What do I do? Run away. It was definitely a smack in the face reading this letter. It would've been one thing for someone else to have written it to me, but to know that I wrote it to myself (at a time when I had a wonderful relationship with Him)hurts. Why do I even care anymore? All too often I've wanted to give up on Him. It seems as if He has given up on me. I've tried to connect but there have been no results...no positive ones at least. I haven't given up yet. Not completely. To tell you the truth, I'm so close it isn't funny, BUT I can't. I won't. I know this. I might as well have already though. I don't pray. Why would I? I've done enough praying already and He hasn't changed anything. I'm tired of being pissed at Him. I'm tired of even hating Him. I don't want to. I never did. But everything keeps falling apart and all I know to do is blame Him. So here I am...stuck. Stuck between that rock and that hard place again. Do I take the easy road? The road that will ultimately lead to a dead end? Or do I take the difficult road. The road that will take some work to get through all the detours. The road that in the end will bring me out exactly where I need/want to be. This seems like a no-brainer...right? Then why is it so hard for me to answer? Why can't I just say, "OK GOD! I'm willing to give this another shot. Even though I've tried and seen no results, I'm ready to try once again. I'm ready because I know that Your will will be presented to me in due time." And sure I could easily say it, but would I truely mean it? It's so exhausting. Maybe I'll give it some more time.
BLAH! Oh and for the record, any advice you might give it will be greatly appreciated. HOWEVER, more than likely I've already heard it. So if it is the cliche response...don't waste your time. No offense. But I'm tired of hearing, "God is just waiting on you." "You have to be willing to work even when you don't want to" "God hasn't left you" etc, etc. You know the lines I'm referring to so don't try to act like you don't...lol.
Oh on the brightside...my fingernails are pretty.