Happy 2020!
It is going to be a GOOD year. I can feel it. It has to be with a number like that.
I would like to get married on the 20th of February but that is not going to happen. Anyways, moving swiftly along... Good year. I read that despite the cliché New Year's resolutions actually do make sense ...if you follow a couple of simple rules.
Choose your most important goals!
You cannot overload your plate. Make a list of 20 goals. Now think about which of those are most important. And eliminate the bottom half. You now have 10 goals. Do it again. Think about which of these are most important and slash the bottom half. It is going to hurt. You are going to have to let things go that are really important to you. And the only way this makes sense is to remember that you can do anything but you can't do everything. You are letting go of these important goals to increase your chances of reaching your even more important goals.
What you deem important and most important is up to you. It does not matter what anybody else thinks. If you want to learn the harpsichord, knowing full well that you probably won't get really good and make a career out of that that is your prerogative.
It does not have to be exciting either. One of my goals is to try to fix the relationship with some estranged members of my family. And not let another member of my family get in the way of that. That is not an earth shattering goal and nothing to brag about, right? But it has been an aching point for years and it would greatly increase my quality of life for years to come if this wound could be healed, I hope.
Goals have to be reachable.
Of course I would love to become a superstar, get accepted into a top university on a full scholarship while holding down a management job, find the love of my life, and travel the world. But is that realistic? One of them maybe but not all of them. Even though you probably noticed that I deliberately kept the number low. If your goals require a lot of work you may have to go even lower than the handful of goals I just proposed and focus on a single one. Even then there are goals where you have to brace yourself for failure. If everyone was a superstar nobody would be after all. But even if you have less lofty goals you are probably best advised not to set the bar at a level that is just too high, unsafe, or unhealthy. No cutting your bodyweight in half before Easter, only sleeping four hours per night and rising at 3 or similar nonsense. Unless you are one of those few people who naturally only needs very little sleep but I guess you already know if that is the case and you don't have to make it a goal because you can't help waking up anyways. (I envy you.)
Decide which concrete steps you want to take! And how you define progress or success.
There is not much use in having a list of goals and good intentions just to bury it in a desk drawer. Maybe you'll make a big effort in the first month or so and go to the gym three times a week. Then life happens or you get sick and you stop going for a week. Then two. Or maybe you'll make the list, stare at it and never even look at it again. Then you look at it again next December to see how you did and realise that you still have the same goals. It would really be good to eat healthily and exercise, right?
So, set the bar low and keep your everyday life in mind when you do it. But do set a bar.
In my case, the mending family relationships example, I have made the resolution to try to reach out once a month. And not miss any more birthdays. Once a month does not seem to much, right? But I do have 9 half-siblings, 8 of which I currently have next to no contact with. I will try to call, email, or message every single one of them at least once a month. That might result in quite a bit of a time commitment (if someone wants to speak to me at length) and emotional turmoil (whether they want to speak to me or not).
My first steps are going to rebuild my address book. I currently only have two phone numbers, a couple of email addresses, and am Facebook friends with all but one. I used to have current phone numbers for everyone but they became inactive one after the other over the last couple of years.
I am also going to transfer all birthdays into my personal calendar, so I don't realise after the fact, as usual.
The next and most difficult step is going to keep calling even if I do not receive an answer. I know I won't always reach someone or I am going to have to explain why I did not call for so long. Maybe multiple times. I am going to be discouraged when that happens and feel like shit. Yes, they also did not call me but the currently I am painted as the bad guy and they are more of a unit (real siblings that grew up together) while I am a bit of an outsider. The difficulty will be to call again the next month.
Accountability
Writing it down is good because you can't weasel out of it later. You can make a contract with yourself and sign it. Or you can tell your best friend. Or the whole world. The point is that it is very obvious later what you had resolved to do and it is very clear whether you achieved your goal or not. So if you remember this post sometime during the year... do me a favour and ask me about it! "Hey estelle, did you try to reach your half-siblings this month?"
Stay humble!
You may try your best, give it all you got, and still fail. You probably noticed that my resolution is not to mend the relationship with my half-siblings. That is my goal. The resolution is merely to make an effort. Despite my attempts I am aware of the possibility that I might fail. That one or more simply do not want anything to do with me. That that ship has sailed and I am not on it. I am trying to mentally brace myself for that rejection. The critical phrase here is "trying to". I am not saying I am prepared and if it happens I may collapse into a puddle and need someone to pick me up.
What is your goal and what steps are you going to take in that direction every month or every week?
I could also show how I try to control my to do list and goals in everyday life if there is sufficient interest. But I don't want to bore anybody if there is not. Would you be interested in something like that?
I would like to get married on the 20th of February but that is not going to happen. Anyways, moving swiftly along... Good year. I read that despite the cliché New Year's resolutions actually do make sense ...if you follow a couple of simple rules.
Choose your most important goals!
You cannot overload your plate. Make a list of 20 goals. Now think about which of those are most important. And eliminate the bottom half. You now have 10 goals. Do it again. Think about which of these are most important and slash the bottom half. It is going to hurt. You are going to have to let things go that are really important to you. And the only way this makes sense is to remember that you can do anything but you can't do everything. You are letting go of these important goals to increase your chances of reaching your even more important goals.
What you deem important and most important is up to you. It does not matter what anybody else thinks. If you want to learn the harpsichord, knowing full well that you probably won't get really good and make a career out of that that is your prerogative.
It does not have to be exciting either. One of my goals is to try to fix the relationship with some estranged members of my family. And not let another member of my family get in the way of that. That is not an earth shattering goal and nothing to brag about, right? But it has been an aching point for years and it would greatly increase my quality of life for years to come if this wound could be healed, I hope.
Goals have to be reachable.
Of course I would love to become a superstar, get accepted into a top university on a full scholarship while holding down a management job, find the love of my life, and travel the world. But is that realistic? One of them maybe but not all of them. Even though you probably noticed that I deliberately kept the number low. If your goals require a lot of work you may have to go even lower than the handful of goals I just proposed and focus on a single one. Even then there are goals where you have to brace yourself for failure. If everyone was a superstar nobody would be after all. But even if you have less lofty goals you are probably best advised not to set the bar at a level that is just too high, unsafe, or unhealthy. No cutting your bodyweight in half before Easter, only sleeping four hours per night and rising at 3 or similar nonsense. Unless you are one of those few people who naturally only needs very little sleep but I guess you already know if that is the case and you don't have to make it a goal because you can't help waking up anyways. (I envy you.)
Decide which concrete steps you want to take! And how you define progress or success.
There is not much use in having a list of goals and good intentions just to bury it in a desk drawer. Maybe you'll make a big effort in the first month or so and go to the gym three times a week. Then life happens or you get sick and you stop going for a week. Then two. Or maybe you'll make the list, stare at it and never even look at it again. Then you look at it again next December to see how you did and realise that you still have the same goals. It would really be good to eat healthily and exercise, right?
So, set the bar low and keep your everyday life in mind when you do it. But do set a bar.
In my case, the mending family relationships example, I have made the resolution to try to reach out once a month. And not miss any more birthdays. Once a month does not seem to much, right? But I do have 9 half-siblings, 8 of which I currently have next to no contact with. I will try to call, email, or message every single one of them at least once a month. That might result in quite a bit of a time commitment (if someone wants to speak to me at length) and emotional turmoil (whether they want to speak to me or not).
My first steps are going to rebuild my address book. I currently only have two phone numbers, a couple of email addresses, and am Facebook friends with all but one. I used to have current phone numbers for everyone but they became inactive one after the other over the last couple of years.
I am also going to transfer all birthdays into my personal calendar, so I don't realise after the fact, as usual.
The next and most difficult step is going to keep calling even if I do not receive an answer. I know I won't always reach someone or I am going to have to explain why I did not call for so long. Maybe multiple times. I am going to be discouraged when that happens and feel like shit. Yes, they also did not call me but the currently I am painted as the bad guy and they are more of a unit (real siblings that grew up together) while I am a bit of an outsider. The difficulty will be to call again the next month.
Accountability
Writing it down is good because you can't weasel out of it later. You can make a contract with yourself and sign it. Or you can tell your best friend. Or the whole world. The point is that it is very obvious later what you had resolved to do and it is very clear whether you achieved your goal or not. So if you remember this post sometime during the year... do me a favour and ask me about it! "Hey estelle, did you try to reach your half-siblings this month?"
Stay humble!
You may try your best, give it all you got, and still fail. You probably noticed that my resolution is not to mend the relationship with my half-siblings. That is my goal. The resolution is merely to make an effort. Despite my attempts I am aware of the possibility that I might fail. That one or more simply do not want anything to do with me. That that ship has sailed and I am not on it. I am trying to mentally brace myself for that rejection. The critical phrase here is "trying to". I am not saying I am prepared and if it happens I may collapse into a puddle and need someone to pick me up.
What is your goal and what steps are you going to take in that direction every month or every week?
I could also show how I try to control my to do list and goals in everyday life if there is sufficient interest. But I don't want to bore anybody if there is not. Would you be interested in something like that?