Fear is the heart of love

[estelle]

A couple of months ago I saw a toddler and his mum on the street. The child was crying, I don’t remember why. Maybe I never even learned why because I had not been there from the beginning and once a child that age starts throwing a tantrum there’s not really much sense to be made of it anymore. The woman tried sweet talking and when that didn’t

Comments

PS: Did your mum do that to you when you were a toddler?

[estelle]

I always thought that was normal, no big deal. But while I wrote this entry I wondered if it is indeed.

Re: PS: Did your mum do that to you when you were a toddler?

[penpusher]

It's important to remember that to a toddler, who is roughly half the size of an adult... the world is twice as large from that perspective!! So three steps could seem like a kilometer!

It's funny though. In my case I was the one constantly doing this to my mom! Whenever we would go to a department store or mall I would dash away to explore and she would have to try to catch up and find me. Eventually, I agreed to tell her where I was intending to go, but that really wasn't always an option, especially if it was a trip to buy me clothes.

I think the fear of losing love, being rejected is a very real one. But all we really can do is be ourselves, and hope that this is enough... if it's not, then maybe that love wasn't strong enough anyhow.

Good piece!

Re: PS: Did your mum do that to you when you were a toddler?

[estelle]

Yeah, exactly! It seemed really dangerous to be "alone"...

But that's different; toddlers need to do this to test themselves and their mother.

That's the dilemma: If you try to protect yourself you lose all chance of love because nobody can get close enough.

[eternal_ot]

I liked how you connected it with the toddler story. And some how reading this actually makes me agree that if some asked for a time out I would give it happily but when it's unexplained, that would surely drive me crazy. Interesting! Thanks for penning this :)

[estelle]

Yes, there's an important difference between these two scenarios regarding the level of emotional security.

You're welcome!

[bleodswean]

What a great introspection! And one wonders if we fear abandonment as adults...even though we can tell it's irrational...because of our experiences as small children.

[estelle]

Thank you!

I think a lot of our fears stem from childhood. And the earlier they are the more difficult they are to overcome. Because they've had so much time to grow in you but also because you can't cure them with logic.

[rayaso]

This was a very thoughtful entry. I wonder if fear and insecurity aren't a standard by-product of the vulnerability of love.

[estelle]

They probably are, I agree. You'd have to be very, very confident not to have them.

[mamas_minion]

Thank you for sharing this personal story. I always tell myself in these situations "if you love something let it go and if it loves you too it will come back". It helps most of the time.

[estelle]

It's good that it helps you. I am still scared of them not coming back, though.