Re: A definition of lovesexsipinoyMay 7 2004, 13:47:24 UTC
Would you have considered doing the same had he never been unfaithful in the first place?
That's why cheating destroys everything. Even though you were able to forgive him and love him, those thoughts will always linger in the back of your mind, and they'll always be in the foreground on a subconscious level. Would you have ever contemplated doing the same thing just for "the experience" if he had never done it in the first place? Because it seems like what he has done is lowering you and in trying to deal with him and his flaws in the past, it's destroying you.
I'm sorry, but things don't worry in full circle as the guy before was saying. Maturity is not dropping one's conscience or sitting idly by while all of your newfound ideals are compromised. Small children are not content to bathe with each other because they display some sort of "premature maturity". They have innocence because they don't grasp the concept of sexuality fully and do not use it themselves. Maturity is not learning to be able to do that again. That would be regression. Maturity is learning to find your ideals and perspectives on life (which I think you've done considerably more of than anyone else) and then learning how to integrate them into the world around you.
If you believe that your loved one should not be placing his dick in places it should not be, it is not you who is wrong. You have expressed that from the beginning, and continuously throughout the relationship. It doesn't mean that you need to learn to adapt to his style. It means that he needed to be honest in the beginning about what kind of person he was and you may have unintentionally shirked the responsibility of figuring him out as well before you made a commitment to a childish drunk who will never learn to commit. Plain and simple, the idea that people need to learn to put up with infidelity, fucking around, and deception is bullshit. Certainly nobody can say that they never lust after someone other than the one they're committed to. But does that mean that they should be allowed to act on it? The thought is not as bad as the action; that's simply ridiculous.
Just because you love him despite what he does to you doesn't mean that you should put up with it. I still love Alexia with some part of me, but so what? That doesn't mean that I should stand for her fucking around behing my back and the many, many lies she told me about who she was in the beginning. Love is not a promise that you will put up with endless bullshit. Whereas it is a commitment to make things work, he never made the same commitment. He may have, actually, but it obviously wasn't sincere, and now you know that. The question is what you'll do with that information. He lied to you about some of the most fundamental aspects of your relationship.
I don't want to say that you'll find someone else, because I know you probably don't want to at this point. You just want him to get things through his thick skull. I didn't want to find anyone else after Alexia. When I broke up with her, I wanted to die, because I never wanted what I gave to her to feel tainted. And I never wanted to say that all of the time and all the love and commitment that I gave her were completely wasted and in the end, it was all quite meaningless. That's the pain that you might have to live with. That's the other side. There's probably more to it than that, but those are the feelings you're up against, if you're anything like me. And it hurt. I still hurt. And I'll always hurt. But I'll also feel joy again someday and I'll probably trust again. And I'll know that I didn't settle for second best simply because I was scared to face the pain.
That's why cheating destroys everything. Even though you were able to forgive him and love him, those thoughts will always linger in the back of your mind, and they'll always be in the foreground on a subconscious level. Would you have ever contemplated doing the same thing just for "the experience" if he had never done it in the first place? Because it seems like what he has done is lowering you and in trying to deal with him and his flaws in the past, it's destroying you.
I'm sorry, but things don't worry in full circle as the guy before was saying. Maturity is not dropping one's conscience or sitting idly by while all of your newfound ideals are compromised. Small children are not content to bathe with each other because they display some sort of "premature maturity". They have innocence because they don't grasp the concept of sexuality fully and do not use it themselves. Maturity is not learning to be able to do that again. That would be regression. Maturity is learning to find your ideals and perspectives on life (which I think you've done considerably more of than anyone else) and then learning how to integrate them into the world around you.
If you believe that your loved one should not be placing his dick in places it should not be, it is not you who is wrong. You have expressed that from the beginning, and continuously throughout the relationship. It doesn't mean that you need to learn to adapt to his style. It means that he needed to be honest in the beginning about what kind of person he was and you may have unintentionally shirked the responsibility of figuring him out as well before you made a commitment to a childish drunk who will never learn to commit. Plain and simple, the idea that people need to learn to put up with infidelity, fucking around, and deception is bullshit. Certainly nobody can say that they never lust after someone other than the one they're committed to. But does that mean that they should be allowed to act on it? The thought is not as bad as the action; that's simply ridiculous.
Just because you love him despite what he does to you doesn't mean that you should put up with it. I still love Alexia with some part of me, but so what? That doesn't mean that I should stand for her fucking around behing my back and the many, many lies she told me about who she was in the beginning. Love is not a promise that you will put up with endless bullshit. Whereas it is a commitment to make things work, he never made the same commitment. He may have, actually, but it obviously wasn't sincere, and now you know that. The question is what you'll do with that information. He lied to you about some of the most fundamental aspects of your relationship.
I don't want to say that you'll find someone else, because I know you probably don't want to at this point. You just want him to get things through his thick skull. I didn't want to find anyone else after Alexia. When I broke up with her, I wanted to die, because I never wanted what I gave to her to feel tainted. And I never wanted to say that all of the time and all the love and commitment that I gave her were completely wasted and in the end, it was all quite meaningless. That's the pain that you might have to live with. That's the other side. There's probably more to it than that, but those are the feelings you're up against, if you're anything like me. And it hurt. I still hurt. And I'll always hurt. But I'll also feel joy again someday and I'll probably trust again. And I'll know that I didn't settle for second best simply because I was scared to face the pain.
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