Shit
I got really good news last week. AFS-USA accepted me and they sent my
application to AFS-France!! This means that in 4-6 weeks I find out if
I get to move to France in January. But I'm pretty much guaranteed
moving out of the country then. I'm really happy and really sad about
this.
I just realized that all my friends participate in some school activity. And I don't. Dani - soccer; Meg - Tennis; Laura, Jenna and Becca - volleyball; Rhia - I think dance team...I feel like there's something there. And I don't at all. Part of that is because I am going to France. So I have to do things like take PreCalculus before I go (which is being pretty bitchy right now). Part of it is also because I'm just not athletic or involved. I'm sorry. That's just the way I am. Is that ok?
And so there ends up being this viscious cycle thing where all my friends end up going to a school activity after school (or going home to do homework before said activity) so I end up spending more time with Michael (which I love) and less time with them. Then when they have time to spend with me, they don't want to because I'm with Michael. And I remember when Laura was with David how we used to be like "She's just cutting herself off from all her friends, she should hang out with us more" and now I know how she feels. I should try and talk to her more. I don't know.
But I really want to spend more time with my friends. They just don't want me?
For example: a few weekends ago, I had P.E. last with Meg. We talked about having a sleepover. (I feel like I already posted this but I guess not). She said she'd call me after tennis. It gets to be like 6 and she hasn't called, so I call her. "Oh I'm sorry, I'm just too tired to have a sleepover tonight, and I have to get up early tomarrow to go to Marine World with my dance group anyways. Sorry. We'll have a sleepover tomarrow night for sure" I made her promise not to flake out on me. The next day I text her and tell her to call me after she gets back from Marine World. She does. I can hear everyone in the background. Nina, Becca and Rhia are there. She says they may stay but they don't know and she'll call me in a little bit. So then I get a call saying they're all going to a movie and I can come too if I want. So I leave to go to the movie. We drive back and Meg get's out of the car at her house. "Steph you're not sleeping over tonight." I went home and cried to Michael because he was there. But that's the thing. I spend less time with them because I'm with him. And when I try to integrate him into time with them everyone just gets ackward. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I mean the thing with Meg was totally explainable I guess because she'd been active all day and was tired. But it was a let down.
Now I don't really know how to deal with it all. And to top it all off, I want to spend more time with Michael because he won't for sure be here when I get back. Who knows? But I'm starting to think my friends won't either. I really want to be able to spend time with my friends. All of them. I feel so rejected sometimes.
I just realized that all my friends participate in some school activity. And I don't. Dani - soccer; Meg - Tennis; Laura, Jenna and Becca - volleyball; Rhia - I think dance team...I feel like there's something there. And I don't at all. Part of that is because I am going to France. So I have to do things like take PreCalculus before I go (which is being pretty bitchy right now). Part of it is also because I'm just not athletic or involved. I'm sorry. That's just the way I am. Is that ok?
And so there ends up being this viscious cycle thing where all my friends end up going to a school activity after school (or going home to do homework before said activity) so I end up spending more time with Michael (which I love) and less time with them. Then when they have time to spend with me, they don't want to because I'm with Michael. And I remember when Laura was with David how we used to be like "She's just cutting herself off from all her friends, she should hang out with us more" and now I know how she feels. I should try and talk to her more. I don't know.
But I really want to spend more time with my friends. They just don't want me?
For example: a few weekends ago, I had P.E. last with Meg. We talked about having a sleepover. (I feel like I already posted this but I guess not). She said she'd call me after tennis. It gets to be like 6 and she hasn't called, so I call her. "Oh I'm sorry, I'm just too tired to have a sleepover tonight, and I have to get up early tomarrow to go to Marine World with my dance group anyways. Sorry. We'll have a sleepover tomarrow night for sure" I made her promise not to flake out on me. The next day I text her and tell her to call me after she gets back from Marine World. She does. I can hear everyone in the background. Nina, Becca and Rhia are there. She says they may stay but they don't know and she'll call me in a little bit. So then I get a call saying they're all going to a movie and I can come too if I want. So I leave to go to the movie. We drive back and Meg get's out of the car at her house. "Steph you're not sleeping over tonight." I went home and cried to Michael because he was there. But that's the thing. I spend less time with them because I'm with him. And when I try to integrate him into time with them everyone just gets ackward. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I mean the thing with Meg was totally explainable I guess because she'd been active all day and was tired. But it was a let down.
Now I don't really know how to deal with it all. And to top it all off, I want to spend more time with Michael because he won't for sure be here when I get back. Who knows? But I'm starting to think my friends won't either. I really want to be able to spend time with my friends. All of them. I feel so rejected sometimes.