Urge... to kill... rising...
When I'm suppressing anger, or frustration...
There's this tension in my body, especially in my arms, and I feel that if I don't let it out I will burst. I will explode. I have to let it out violently, with a punch or a kick or a flurry of such, or yelling myself hoarse. It seeps away all too slowly.
Ergh. Today in Ring we were working on this one particular fight and I was having difficulty with parts (I was up against Griffin, so he wasn't helping much). Maestro was going over it again and again with Heather and Michael. Just them. Martin and his partner were fine. Griffin and me? We were doing nothing; we stood there, occasionally making an attempt, but I don't know, maybe we can't work together well or something. One point of this is, I can't learn something physical properly unless either I'm working in concert with others to learn it (as was the case at Keith Hafner's Karate - the teacher did the moves in unison with the class), or I'm getting basically individual attention. I need a demonstration of one or two moves, a chance to attempt, corrections, the next couple moves, and so on. I did explain some of this to Maestro so I have hope this won't happen again.
However, the part of the situation that still bugs me is that Maestro thinks Michael's been attending Ring for nearly two years. He hasn't. He joined after me, and the last time that page I linked was updated he had 16 more attendance credits than I did. This is way different from what Maestro apparently thinks, that being that I've been at Ring, oh, he said 20% of the time that Michael has. Maybe I should point this out to him, but I don't know if it'll have any positive effect.
Dammit. I don't even know why it bugs me so much, and talking about it has made me mad again. Psychoanalyse me please?
There's this tension in my body, especially in my arms, and I feel that if I don't let it out I will burst. I will explode. I have to let it out violently, with a punch or a kick or a flurry of such, or yelling myself hoarse. It seeps away all too slowly.
Ergh. Today in Ring we were working on this one particular fight and I was having difficulty with parts (I was up against Griffin, so he wasn't helping much). Maestro was going over it again and again with Heather and Michael. Just them. Martin and his partner were fine. Griffin and me? We were doing nothing; we stood there, occasionally making an attempt, but I don't know, maybe we can't work together well or something. One point of this is, I can't learn something physical properly unless either I'm working in concert with others to learn it (as was the case at Keith Hafner's Karate - the teacher did the moves in unison with the class), or I'm getting basically individual attention. I need a demonstration of one or two moves, a chance to attempt, corrections, the next couple moves, and so on. I did explain some of this to Maestro so I have hope this won't happen again.
However, the part of the situation that still bugs me is that Maestro thinks Michael's been attending Ring for nearly two years. He hasn't. He joined after me, and the last time that page I linked was updated he had 16 more attendance credits than I did. This is way different from what Maestro apparently thinks, that being that I've been at Ring, oh, he said 20% of the time that Michael has. Maybe I should point this out to him, but I don't know if it'll have any positive effect.
Dammit. I don't even know why it bugs me so much, and talking about it has made me mad again. Psychoanalyse me please?