the monster in the closet
Posted in full at: http://ift.tt/1SivH3m
When I was very young, perhaps six or so, I was terrified of the monster that lived in my closet. See, my closet door had been painted so many times it didn’t close, so it would stay open just a crack, and through that crack I swore I could see the shadow monster lurking and waiting for me to fall asleep.
Nightly, I gathered all my stuffed animals around like sentinels to guard me, but deep inside I knew they would be useless to protect me from the unnameable evil.
I started staying up later and later at night, reading with a flashlight and then flicking it off when my parents came to check on me. They weren’t any help with the monster. My mom told me to say my prayers and God would protect me, but her God was a punisher of sins, not a savior from shadowy claws.
My dad was a scientist and said the monster didn’t exist.
It got harder and harder for me to stay awake at night. I got more and more tired of fighting the shadow monster with a ring of stuffed animals my only comrades at arms, the only ones I could discuss my battle plans with. I’d hold Squirrelbear to my chest and try desperately to keep awake, almost certain if I fell asleep I’d never wake up. And yet I was starting to doubt. Why hadn’t it eaten me yet?
Finally, one night, exhausted, resentful at all the lost sleep, I addressed the shadow monster in my closet directly. “I’m fed up,” I said. “If you’re going to eat me, eat me, shadow monster. Tonight’s your night. Otherwise, you don’t exist after all. You are hooey. You aren’t real.” I hugged Squirrelbear, who was supposed to be a teddy bear but had had an unfortunate accident involving a bicycle chain, and after a while I fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up with all my stuffed animals shoved to the floor as usual (I’m an active sleeper). More importantly, I was alive. I wasn’t missing any limbs. Shadow monster hadn’t eaten me.
Monsters don’t exist! But wait; if monsters didn't exist after all then...flushed by my success (this was huge) after church on Sunday, I conducted another experiment. I took my communion bread and dropped it into the toilet. For anyone born in my faith (Greek Orthodoxy), they should recognize what a blasphemous act this was. I waited for fire to rain down on me.
Nothing happened.
God doesn’t exist! Holy crap. There goes Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny as well. But I was happy with the trade-off just knowing ghosts, goblins, shadow monsters, vampires, and werewolves don’t exist, either.
I still am, to this day.
Tags:atheism, monsters, the monster in the closet, childhood fears, ptlife
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comments | How to use OpenID ]
When I was very young, perhaps six or so, I was terrified of the monster that lived in my closet. See, my closet door had been painted so many times it didn’t close, so it would stay open just a crack, and through that crack I swore I could see the shadow monster lurking and waiting for me to fall asleep.
Nightly, I gathered all my stuffed animals around like sentinels to guard me, but deep inside I knew they would be useless to protect me from the unnameable evil.
I started staying up later and later at night, reading with a flashlight and then flicking it off when my parents came to check on me. They weren’t any help with the monster. My mom told me to say my prayers and God would protect me, but her God was a punisher of sins, not a savior from shadowy claws.
My dad was a scientist and said the monster didn’t exist.
It got harder and harder for me to stay awake at night. I got more and more tired of fighting the shadow monster with a ring of stuffed animals my only comrades at arms, the only ones I could discuss my battle plans with. I’d hold Squirrelbear to my chest and try desperately to keep awake, almost certain if I fell asleep I’d never wake up. And yet I was starting to doubt. Why hadn’t it eaten me yet?
Finally, one night, exhausted, resentful at all the lost sleep, I addressed the shadow monster in my closet directly. “I’m fed up,” I said. “If you’re going to eat me, eat me, shadow monster. Tonight’s your night. Otherwise, you don’t exist after all. You are hooey. You aren’t real.” I hugged Squirrelbear, who was supposed to be a teddy bear but had had an unfortunate accident involving a bicycle chain, and after a while I fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up with all my stuffed animals shoved to the floor as usual (I’m an active sleeper). More importantly, I was alive. I wasn’t missing any limbs. Shadow monster hadn’t eaten me.
Monsters don’t exist! But wait; if monsters didn't exist after all then...flushed by my success (this was huge) after church on Sunday, I conducted another experiment. I took my communion bread and dropped it into the toilet. For anyone born in my faith (Greek Orthodoxy), they should recognize what a blasphemous act this was. I waited for fire to rain down on me.
Nothing happened.
God doesn’t exist! Holy crap. There goes Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny as well. But I was happy with the trade-off just knowing ghosts, goblins, shadow monsters, vampires, and werewolves don’t exist, either.
I still am, to this day.
Tags:atheism, monsters, the monster in the closet, childhood fears, ptlife
[ X-posted to Dreamwidth with
comments | How to use OpenID ]