Winter Solder: WTFun
So I am rewatching Winter Solder, mainly for the eye candy, but also because I had to see that scene again where Nick Fury kicks all sorts of ass using nothing but a sass-mouthed, bullet-proof SUV, a broken arm, and his steely nerves. OMG. Nick Fury. <3 Bonus points for leaving the Winter Soldier staring at a burning hole in the ground.
Also Bucky catching Steve's shield in mid-air in their first encounter? The sound it made in his metal hand? Steve's expression? Eeeee.
Natasha seeing Bucky's silhouette on the overpass and shooting him in the goggles at 50 feet? Bucky's expression? Priceless. The whole overpass scene is amazeballs, really. Sam, Natasha, Bucky, Steve, all of them are incredible. Natasha with her whole fake out with the phone and then her garotte, taser, etc.: she knows him. She knows his weaknesses. Sam and that rolling stop on the freeway and then effortlessly tossing that guy over the side to get armed and backing up Steve. And then Steve and Bucky dancing - the ballet of their fight is just epic, switching from attack to defense, from gun and shield to knife to arm...so sweet.
Okay, so I mainly watched for the fight scenes and the eye candy.
But the plotholes. eck. If you're a Hydra mastermind, you really shouldn't turn Captain America against you so decisively on the eve of your greatest triumph, especially when you're uncertain whether Nick has said anything important or not. Or if he even knew anything.
A program on the USB drive was calling home to its mother? Why not turn off the wi-fi and network before plugging it in? And seriously, GPSing where a virus came from by running a tracer program in less than 8 minutes? That's not even comic book hackerbabble, that's an acid dream.
Why didn't the kid in front of the launch keyboard just lock his screen? He's being so incredibly brave but he doesn't do that? And why wouldn't launching the ships require a passcode anyway?
Everybody at SHIELD starts shooting everybody but how did people know whom to shoot? The strike teams were the only ones in uniform.
Let's not talk about Steve jumping out of a plane without a parachute just for the macho. I don't think his internal organs enjoyed the sudden deceleration (and certainly not his testicles).
Anyway, these are just stupid things that someone should have slashed with a red pen, but the thing that really killed me was Hydra's dastardly plan, which was to laugh. Here is a scale representation of our planet Earth's western hemisphere. (Sorry, but that was the first large image google threw up). Notice the three massive helicarriers poised to target all the poor, defenseless citizens below! Notice how quickly and easily these massive flying machines can maneuver, view and target around the terrain, weather conditions, the curvature of the Earth, and man-made obstacles in their path! Because they are so massive and mighty! See???
Yes, the three 1,092 ft helicarriers are accurately represented here in this 1-to-41,807,040 foot scale photograph! See, watch them sail so majestically! I can't remember what color I made them but I put them in there, somewhere. I swear. One is hovering over Florida, I think, so you won't be getting a tan this summer! The other one is flying over...um. Poughkeepsie? And it's targeting Toledo from there. I'm certain of it.
Of course, lasers lose their effectiveness in an atmosphere, which causes the rays to refract and diffuse. Their effective range would be no more than 3 miles. I'm just sayin'. Sorry, reality sucks, Mr. Pierce. But your plan needed beta testing.
And I'm sure you checked to make sure there wasn't anyone wearing an Iron Man or Iron Patriot suit who could destroy your helpless InSight satellites so the helicarriers couldn't target my big fat behind anymore. Nope. Nor anyone with their finger on an ICBM.
So, yeah. Fun romp, but made no sense at all. I guess that's Marvel, though.
(Not that I'm studying to be a criminal mastermind or anything? But I would have gone with thousands of self-targeting drones instead of 3 ponderous helicarriers, myself. Cheaper, too. *koff*)
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Also Bucky catching Steve's shield in mid-air in their first encounter? The sound it made in his metal hand? Steve's expression? Eeeee.
Natasha seeing Bucky's silhouette on the overpass and shooting him in the goggles at 50 feet? Bucky's expression? Priceless. The whole overpass scene is amazeballs, really. Sam, Natasha, Bucky, Steve, all of them are incredible. Natasha with her whole fake out with the phone and then her garotte, taser, etc.: she knows him. She knows his weaknesses. Sam and that rolling stop on the freeway and then effortlessly tossing that guy over the side to get armed and backing up Steve. And then Steve and Bucky dancing - the ballet of their fight is just epic, switching from attack to defense, from gun and shield to knife to arm...so sweet.
Okay, so I mainly watched for the fight scenes and the eye candy.
But the plotholes. eck. If you're a Hydra mastermind, you really shouldn't turn Captain America against you so decisively on the eve of your greatest triumph, especially when you're uncertain whether Nick has said anything important or not. Or if he even knew anything.
A program on the USB drive was calling home to its mother? Why not turn off the wi-fi and network before plugging it in? And seriously, GPSing where a virus came from by running a tracer program in less than 8 minutes? That's not even comic book hackerbabble, that's an acid dream.
Why didn't the kid in front of the launch keyboard just lock his screen? He's being so incredibly brave but he doesn't do that? And why wouldn't launching the ships require a passcode anyway?
Everybody at SHIELD starts shooting everybody but how did people know whom to shoot? The strike teams were the only ones in uniform.
Let's not talk about Steve jumping out of a plane without a parachute just for the macho. I don't think his internal organs enjoyed the sudden deceleration (and certainly not his testicles).
Anyway, these are just stupid things that someone should have slashed with a red pen, but the thing that really killed me was Hydra's dastardly plan, which was to laugh. Here is a scale representation of our planet Earth's western hemisphere. (Sorry, but that was the first large image google threw up). Notice the three massive helicarriers poised to target all the poor, defenseless citizens below! Notice how quickly and easily these massive flying machines can maneuver, view and target around the terrain, weather conditions, the curvature of the Earth, and man-made obstacles in their path! Because they are so massive and mighty! See???
Yes, the three 1,092 ft helicarriers are accurately represented here in this 1-to-41,807,040 foot scale photograph! See, watch them sail so majestically! I can't remember what color I made them but I put them in there, somewhere. I swear. One is hovering over Florida, I think, so you won't be getting a tan this summer! The other one is flying over...um. Poughkeepsie? And it's targeting Toledo from there. I'm certain of it.
Of course, lasers lose their effectiveness in an atmosphere, which causes the rays to refract and diffuse. Their effective range would be no more than 3 miles. I'm just sayin'. Sorry, reality sucks, Mr. Pierce. But your plan needed beta testing.
And I'm sure you checked to make sure there wasn't anyone wearing an Iron Man or Iron Patriot suit who could destroy your helpless InSight satellites so the helicarriers couldn't target my big fat behind anymore. Nope. Nor anyone with their finger on an ICBM.
So, yeah. Fun romp, but made no sense at all. I guess that's Marvel, though.
(Not that I'm studying to be a criminal mastermind or anything? But I would have gone with thousands of self-targeting drones instead of 3 ponderous helicarriers, myself. Cheaper, too. *koff*)
[ X-posted to Dreamwidth with
comments | How to use OpenID ]