owl to Clarissa
My dear Clarissa,
I would rather not direct all our letters through my superiors, so I have sent this by an owl trained to carry messages, but it will not do to let Bridie know what this owl is or whence it came.
By now, it may or may not be that a short letter has reached Bridie via one of my friends at the Admiralty. It may be that this owl outpaces that letter. I hated to write to her with such brevity. There was no satisfactory way to express what I needed to write, which you will already know if the letter has been received; if it has not, I will tell you now the gist of it. I have proposed marriage to a woman I have met here -- well, not really a woman, but a girl; and not really proposed, but reached an understanding that amounts to the same thing; in any case, we are to be married, though a time for it has not been agreed upon.
We have shared many confidences, you and I, and I find myself unable to unburden myself completely even to Jack though he has arrived here now as well. There are some sensibilities he cannot wholly understand. When he arrived, I was striving to avoid the young woman in question -- I may as well name her, she is one River Tam, not from England, but anglophone -- and he actually encouraged her in her suit. Would it surprise you, to know I was the quarry and not the hunter? I daresay it would not, at that. In spite of that, there are moral implications, dire moral implications, to this. Indeed, her own superior has expressed the strongest objections to the match. This carries its own attendant difficulties; I cannot dispose of this man's aspersions, the content of which I find most distasteful and would under other circumstances have no choice but to address in an honorable fashion.
In short, I find myself compromised at every turn. The girl is not my patient, but is in need of medical assistance, so there is an appearance of irregularity in this quite aside from her tender age. She is -- precocious; not in the way that you were, I must make clear; but -- well, I cannot very well explain it. She comes from a nation where the government had no scruples against using her as a kind of weapon, and she has seen things that would make a seasoned soldier blanch. Can it be said that anyone could corrupt such a one? Yet there is an innocence about her, and God help me, I have not done much to preserve it. I address myself to you as though you were in the character of a confessor, knowing well that such a subject leaves you unmoved, and that it can therefore be discussed without undue impropriety.
I might suppose that marrying her should dispose of any doubts as to the nature of my intentions toward her, but in fact that seems to make matters worse, as far as her superior is concerned. Attitudes in other quarters are mixed. What of Bridie? What will she think? The girl is not much older than she. I cannot bear the thought that my daughter should think any less of me, but, Clarissa, even if she should never speak to me again I cannot say I would take any different action than what is now planned.
This has taken me longer to set down on parchment than I had hoped, and I have not much time, so I shall close, though there is much else I could say. I have no idea how long I shall have to remain here. It eases my mind somewhat to know Bridie is well cared for, by you and by Padeen. I owe you more than I can properly say. The Lord bless and keep you, my dear.
Your affectionate and humble servant,
Stephen Maturin.