(Untitled)

[mistresswanda]

"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned."

A heartbeat too late

The plate I was drying slips from my hands when I hear Rose in my head.

I'm sorry, Mama. I spin around, for it'

Comments

[nunaunet]

Think it's startin', ayuh. Would've thought it would be round the full moon, but I've been feelin' things shift for days. Ain't the best timing, all in all, cos I don't want to be heah as a baby when bad things come. But it can't be delayed.

Pains started an hour or so back. Will need to tell Genny, but this usually goes on for a long spell, sometimes days, an' I don't want to disturb her, you ken? Let her get some rest befoah I get her doin' the priestess work I need.

Then the earth goes shaking, an' my skin prickles all ovah. Somethin' tells me to go out to the rivah, that she'll tell me what's wrong, so I go on out into a howling wind, an' see someone trying to swim it! I step down into the watah an' ask it to be calm, an' grab hold of the idiot an' pull them up -

"Wanda?"

[mistresswanda]

I am going to drown in the river. It's almost funny. I was going to drown us both here a lifetime ago, and now it seems the water will take me as I try to get her into my arms for the last time. But still; I struggle against the wild, choppy waves until I am just about done---

Then I am making headway and being pulled out. Nu looks shocked to see me, and I bark out a funny sort of laugh. "Nu... Funny. Rose was just---"

I can't talk anymore, it just comes out a low moan of pain. I run from her to the girl, my baby, lying on the bank. I don't look at the gash across her throat How would you have me do it? Across my throat or into my heart? just pull her onto my lap and begin sobbing in earnest.

"She's so beautiful... She would have broken hearts..." I whimper when I hear Nu come up behind me. "She knew. She knew and she wouldn't tell me." I am choking on my words as my heart shatters but still continues beating.

[nunaunet]

"Girl, what's goin' on?" I say, as Wanda gets a limp little teenage thing bundled up in her arms. "Is that - Rose?" Knew the girl was growing up fast, but this... I reach out an' touch her, an' I know it's Rose - I always know them I birthed. And she's dead.

"Wanda," I say. Lowah myelf onto the ground next to her, huffin' out a breath cos it hurts, ayuh. "What happened?"

[mistresswanda]

Nu manages in their condition to get down on the ground next to me, and asks me what happened. "Tonight? No idea, I put a little girl of no more than six to bed and now..." Does it even matter? It happened, and the world is ending and I am ready to end right along with it if Rose is

[nunaunet]

"There's nothing... I can't hear her heart anymore, she's lost..."

Grunt a bit as I feel a contraction, and reach ovah an' shake Wanda.

"Girl, you ready to give up this easily? Yoah daughtah is the child of the devil an' she told you she thought theah was a way you could find her, that I could help you, an' you jus' want to see here an' wait for the end of the world?" Give her a look. "Didn't think you were no quittah, Wanda. Now come on. We got to figuah this out." I look at Kent. "Don't think you can help with this, but you can help me. Want you to go to the carnival. See if you can find Genny. But if she ain't around, one of the girls from the Grindhouse. Tell them to get my tent ready for me, cos it's my time. Just hope me an' Wanda got time to do this first."

[mistresswanda]

Nu reaches over, grabs my shoulder and shakes me hard.

"Didn't think you were no quittah, Wanda. Now come on. We got to figuah this out."

"I'm not, but she's..." I say, almost beyond caring, but my voice is drowned out as Nu gives orders to Kent to find Genny or someone else. He looks at her and nods, not questioning anything. He merely kisses me again, touches Rose's head once as he gives her a lingering look, then runs off towards the wagons.

"Nu, time to do what? And it's your time? Are you... are you... in labour? Oh my god..." The numb, dead feeling I has feeling a moment ago is replaced by a sharp, white-hot panic for my friend. But with the return of feeling and thinking, so does something else. Rose was ever so clever... "Did Rose really think she might be able to..." I don't want to dare, but now I start to feel the tiniest sliver of hope against all hope. "If she can come back... might it reverse...?" The sky rumbles again and lightning streaks the sky. "Right. Right." Take a deep breath and meet Nu's eyes

[nunaunet]

"Don't you worry about me, girl. I done this befoah," I say, rubbing my belly. A lot of times. Too many to remembah, now. Course, it's different each time. But parts of it stay the same. An' in the end I always get born again.

Still rainin' hard, an' I'd suggest we go for sheltah but I think we should leave Rose wheah she died. Sometimes spirits cling close to wheah they died, ayuh.

"Got to look for a sign of her, first," I say. "Wanda, it's music that's your magic, ain't that so? I want you to sing something. Something that means something to you and Rose. An' do it with all your heart, girl, so if her spirit's still near it can hear you."

[mistresswanda]

Nu assures me they are fine. I am a little dubious because going into labour as the world tries to shake itself apart seems as far from fine as one can get, but Nu seems calm about it. Who am I to question that?

"Wanda, it's music that's your magic, ain't that so? I want you to sing something. Something that means something to you and Rose. An' do it with all your heart, girl, so if her spirit's still near it can hear you."

I open my mouth to argue that I am not special or magical in any way... but that's not true, is it? Not in the slightest. When moved to be, I am the Siren, the Loralei, the Bean-sidhe. If there is the slightest chance that my daughter can hear me and follow my voice back, then I will sing so that heavens will hear me.

Come stop your crying

[nunaunet]

Wanda sings beautifully, but I ain't got time to appreciate that. I'm listenin' out for Rose.

"Wish we had a god of the dead," I muttah. I can feel the pattern of lives cos of my work, but corpses, they ain't my business. But little Rose, she was a clevah baby an' a cleverah kid, an' I don't think she'd have mentioned me for nothin'. An' then I feel - It's like a little tug in the air. Look at Wanda, an' can tell she felt it too, though maybe for her it was a note of music, or a smell. Somethin' faint but theah.

"Good girl, Rose," I say, an' touch Wanda's shouldah - an' my eyes widen. Feel somethin' I should have noticed soon as I met her, but a dead kid an' goin' into labour are pretty distractin', in my defence.

"Wanda," I say, with a breath. "You'ah pregnant. About... five, six days." Feel the hum in the air around me strengthen, an' I nod. "Oh, little girl, you had a touch of foresight too, didn't you?"

[mistresswanda]

Nu's concentrating as I sing, muttering something about a God of the dead, but Rose said to find Nu and----

It's like moth wings against my mind. A chime of a bell from somewhere too far away, or the winking light of a star from the depths of space...

"Rose." I breathe out, and Nu must have felt it too. She praises something we cannot see, and lays a hand on my shoulder.

"Wanda, You'ah pregnant. About... five, six days."

I think Nu and I had this conversation once before, both times my pregnancy came as a complete shock. "What...?" I feel a little light-headed as I lay a hand against my flat stomach.

"Oh, little girl, you had a touch of foresight too, didn't you?""So she knew I was going to be... Rose, is that why you got so upset when you thought I might follow you? Were you protecting your brother, or sister?" I murmur to the girl lying in my lap. "But, what does that have to do with Rose, and you helping to find her way home?" Again that feeling of someone just out of reach trying to talk to me flutters against

[nunaunet]

"Think so," I say to Wanda, noddin'. "But. I have a sacred duty. I can't jus' go jammin' Rose into somethin' that already is a person. I know it ain't a person to you, yet. Just cells. But my job means I can do no harm to a life once it's started." A contraction passes through me, an' I breathe through my teeth. "But..." I look at Wanda, both of us drenched like rats in a storm drain, an' - "You can have twins," I say slowly. "Think I can make that happen, ayuh. Split the cells, and guide Rose into one." Examine my conscience. Is that alright? Cos it ain't just a mattah of what I feel in my gut. It's about the balance of powahs in the world, an' I done many things wrong in my many many lives but I ain't evah betrayed the principles of my work. "Ayuh," I say, an' nod. "I think I can do that."

[mistresswanda]

Nu confirms the suspicion that Rose may have thought to be reborn. "Oh my imp..." I breathe, but Nu finds a fault in it as a contraction hits them. I slip one arm from the girl in my arms to their shoulder. trying to be something helpful and not a soaked mess. "I think I understand, Rose was Rose before I knew she was there, why would this child be any different?" I say, I think more to myself. Rose was clever, and it was not a bad idea... but what of the child Kent and I created? Is it fair to them?

"But..."

Our eyes meet, and I can see the wheels spinning in Nu's head, just like they did in Rose's that day in the park. Again, the tiniest flare of hope leaps up in me.

"You can have twins, Think I can make that happen, ayuh. Split the cells, and guide Rose into one." Nu goes quiet again for a moment, and then nods. "I think I can do that.""Only if such a thing can be done and not strain you in your condition," I say slowly. "and only if it won't hurt the other baby." I look down at the pale girl in my lap. "Clever,

[nunaunet]

Can see how hopeful Wanda is. Jus' hope I can pull this off, would hate to break her heart again...

"Won't hurt me," I say. "May not look it, but this is the most powahful I can be." Me in labour, that's even strongah than when my menstrual blood's flowin'. "An' I won't hurt youah othah baby. I can't." Strongest taboo of my life, that is. "Come into the watah with me, Wanda," I say, struggling to my feet. "Leave Rose theah. Hopin' she won't need that body no more. Don't worry, you won't drown. The rivah listens to me." An' she does, watah level droppin' so it comes up to my waist. I run a hand through the waves, caressin'. "You done good, Pontarlier. You help me out some tonight, ayuh, an' I'll be grateful."

[mistresswanda]

All I can do is nod and help Nu to their feet. It's hard, to leave what was once Rose alone on the bank, but I just keep telling myself it's a shell, it's just a shell, and she may be back with me soon.

I follow Nu into the river without question, and it calms for them. I look back to the girl on the bank, and I see Kent.

"It's taken care of." He calls down, and I can see him look from the body then back to us, confused. "Stay there, stay safe. I'll explain everything." I call back and wave and the rain comes down. I am a cold, wet mess, but I would do just about anything to get my baby back. And if it helps to stop this insanity, even better. I hope it does, otherwise... what's the point? Rose, oh Rose, I hope you knew what you were doing!

"What do I need to do?" I half shout over the thunder, pushing sodden hair from my face.

[nunaunet]

"Pull your shirt up, hon," I say, an' put my hands on her bare belly when she does. "Ayuh. Can feel the lil girl you already got in theah. Think she's got your eyes, this one." Look at Wanda. "Rose won't be the same this time, you ken? Don't know how she'll be different, but she will be. She'll be Rose, but she'll be someone new too, ayuh." Take a breath, let it go. "Keep singing, Wanda, since we know she can hear that, an' I'll get to work on this..."

Look inward, feel the little spark within her, feel it yearn towards me, all trustin'. Far too small for feelin' of the kind a person would recognise, but I can feel the potential in it, this lil life, an' it vibrates in recognition of me an' the powah I got.

"Don't you worry, hon," I murmur, "Nu won't hurt you... You'll just have a friend in theah with you, keep you from gettin' lonely." I concentrate, look at the cell an' into it, an' as a contraction passes through me I pull, feel the cell become two

[mistresswanda]

Nu does... whatever it is they do as I sing a old lullaby my grandmother used to sing to me, and I in turn sang to Rose. Whatever Nu is doing, it seems to be working. Not that it hurts, but I can definitely feel something inside me, responding and changing to their will.

"Now, Rose," I keep singing as my mind calls to her, praying she can hear me, praying this will work. I sing, and the air about us thrums and...

It's her! Familiar and as bright as the stars, My Rose is back in my head trying to convey so much and it's almost too much and my heart could burst with it! "Rose!" I half gasp as I feel her inside me again, but Nu looks worried.

"Rose, no, you got to let go of some of what you are, you'll kill your sistah,"The brightness that is my daughter fills me, fills both Nu and I, I think. She'll be Rose, always, but