Tramps like us, baby, we were born to run
Friday, July 9th
[Day 404]
Late night, around and outside Excolo
It’s not been a good week or so. Verdi’s been nothing but kind, of course, but I can see she’s hurt over what happened with Ri, too, and the fact is that all the praying in the world, to her or anyone else, won’t mend things with the three of us. Verdi’s for here and now and moving on, but I can’t help looking back on just how badly I’ve fucked up, and in how many ways.
Not often I have a Friday off and nothing to think of doing with it, with Verdi working. Mrs. Danvers did let me in her kitchen after I got up, told me to stop moping around, too, and we made some stew and muffins and a berry crumble big enough for everyone to have some. In the afternoon, I took a covered dish of the stew over to Verite, just left it with her and said I was sorry, didn’t try to start anything. It was on the tip of her tongue to say I loved her, too, but I said I wouldn’t go chasing after her. She’d have yelled at me for it, too.
It’s falling dark now, though, warm summer dusk, and my hands are itching to pack my bag and be gone down the road. I do pull my rucksack out, just to have something to be doing, put a change of clothes in it and some sundries. After that it’s easy to start out walking. Out’s out. I saw Arkady at last week’s market, and he was friendly. I know where his farm is, too, and he’ll just be putting the animals up now. I could go offer a hand, with the horses and with anything else we might get up to in the barn.
I find myself passing by the road to the Chernys’, though, and not even stopping to think of turning down it. Find also that I’d really like to be where no one knows me just now, have a fresh start, like they say. I stop walking once the moon’s risen, just to stand in the road and look up at it through the trees. I don’t know where I’m going, but it’s pulling me.
Sit down under a tree and wrap my arms around my pack, still studying the sky. It’s a nice night. I could sleep out and not even feel it. I’ve gotten too used to soft beds and people around me, I guess, because I can’t get to sleep. I get up and try another tree, then another. Spoiled is what I am. I start back down the road, think that the moonlight’s enough to find my way back to Arkady’s, and that if he finds me in the barn in the morning, at least he won’t throw me out.
There’re clouds over the moon by the time I get back that way, though, and I think I’ve missed the turn, anyhow, so I just keep walking, starting to think about how I have to open the bar tomorrow night, and how pissed at me Mr. Laclos would be if I just didn’t show without giving notice. Peter has a date out with that girl from the carnival too, and Adam said something about a high-stakes game, so it’s not like one of them could cover for me. And that’s three people in town to think badly of me who aren’t already. And there’s precious few of those left, God knows. I keep walking.
After a while I can see the lights of town and I sigh. Wonder what time it is. Near mdnight, surely. Not too late to go to the Tavern, but thinking of Arkady’s got me wanting a man, and I can’t think of any one in town who’d have me. That sets very badly with me, and I start back toward the Boy, footsore and hard and pissed right off.
[OPEN to Iago]
[Day 404]
Late night, around and outside Excolo
It’s not been a good week or so. Verdi’s been nothing but kind, of course, but I can see she’s hurt over what happened with Ri, too, and the fact is that all the praying in the world, to her or anyone else, won’t mend things with the three of us. Verdi’s for here and now and moving on, but I can’t help looking back on just how badly I’ve fucked up, and in how many ways.
Not often I have a Friday off and nothing to think of doing with it, with Verdi working. Mrs. Danvers did let me in her kitchen after I got up, told me to stop moping around, too, and we made some stew and muffins and a berry crumble big enough for everyone to have some. In the afternoon, I took a covered dish of the stew over to Verite, just left it with her and said I was sorry, didn’t try to start anything. It was on the tip of her tongue to say I loved her, too, but I said I wouldn’t go chasing after her. She’d have yelled at me for it, too.
It’s falling dark now, though, warm summer dusk, and my hands are itching to pack my bag and be gone down the road. I do pull my rucksack out, just to have something to be doing, put a change of clothes in it and some sundries. After that it’s easy to start out walking. Out’s out. I saw Arkady at last week’s market, and he was friendly. I know where his farm is, too, and he’ll just be putting the animals up now. I could go offer a hand, with the horses and with anything else we might get up to in the barn.
I find myself passing by the road to the Chernys’, though, and not even stopping to think of turning down it. Find also that I’d really like to be where no one knows me just now, have a fresh start, like they say. I stop walking once the moon’s risen, just to stand in the road and look up at it through the trees. I don’t know where I’m going, but it’s pulling me.
Sit down under a tree and wrap my arms around my pack, still studying the sky. It’s a nice night. I could sleep out and not even feel it. I’ve gotten too used to soft beds and people around me, I guess, because I can’t get to sleep. I get up and try another tree, then another. Spoiled is what I am. I start back down the road, think that the moonlight’s enough to find my way back to Arkady’s, and that if he finds me in the barn in the morning, at least he won’t throw me out.
There’re clouds over the moon by the time I get back that way, though, and I think I’ve missed the turn, anyhow, so I just keep walking, starting to think about how I have to open the bar tomorrow night, and how pissed at me Mr. Laclos would be if I just didn’t show without giving notice. Peter has a date out with that girl from the carnival too, and Adam said something about a high-stakes game, so it’s not like one of them could cover for me. And that’s three people in town to think badly of me who aren’t already. And there’s precious few of those left, God knows. I keep walking.
After a while I can see the lights of town and I sigh. Wonder what time it is. Near mdnight, surely. Not too late to go to the Tavern, but thinking of Arkady’s got me wanting a man, and I can’t think of any one in town who’d have me. That sets very badly with me, and I start back toward the Boy, footsore and hard and pissed right off.
[OPEN to Iago]