In the last outback at the world's end

[tezcatl_ipoca]

10th May, Midmorning
The WhitechapelI have hardly rested, with the ache of that pull inwards in these bones. It has eased within the town but still tugs me eastward; I refuse to answer it. I have walked on through the town on these injured feet and out the other side. I have no desire to be here: no desire to be conscious as I am, to be. I was

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[jaeresteade]

Don't want the man for anything more than giving me orders at work, but what he says over the coffee still makes me grin. And that smile, goddess. He's fussing over Micah, who doesn't seem to mind too much. It's on the tip of my tongue to say he'll be a good father, or make some wish for Hermia to have a boy, but I bite it back. Just can't go saying things like that.

We settle ourselves at the table, and I lay out the cups and sandwiches from the bag. Valmont tucks into his, and I wrap my hands around my coffee, watching Micah. He takes the cap off the bottle and sniffs it. "Better eat something first," I caution, and he turns back to his sandwich.

I watch him eat, and sure, the first couple bites go down easy, but then I can see his face twist. Cramps, probably. What he needs is broth, or some milk with eggs in it. You can't just put a lot of solid food in your stomach when it's gotten used to nothing. If I know anything, I know that, but I can't very well take the sandwich away from him now. "Try just the bread," I offer. Really don't need him throwing up everything now. "Your stomach'll take it better."

I look to Valmont. "Maybe tonight there had better be soup?" And eye the whiskey bottle. Not mine, but I wouldn't let the kid have too much.

[valmont_vicomte]

I watch Micah eating. Jarmyn fusses over him; I wonder if he's missing, what was his name, that pretty boy? Tarquin. I get the impression Jarmyn likes having someone to worry about.

When Micah starts examining his feet I wrap up the rest of his sandwich and cap the whisky bottle.

"Have the rest later," I suggest. "Do you like coffee?" I pass him my cup to try.

"Maybe tonight there had better be soup?"

"Probably a good idea," I say. "You can eat with my family tonight if you like, Micah." I imagine he's rather too nervous to be taken to the Miskatonic yet. "And I should work out where to have you sleep, since I don't think the other men who sleep here would be very friendly if you wake them up in the night." I run my hand through my hair. "I'll think it over. For now you can nap here if you want to get more sleep. What would you like to do?"

[tezcatl_ipoca]

"Just try the bread. Your stomach'll take it better."

The meat tastes better than the bread, but I reluctantly put it aside for now. The whiskey causes pain as well, but after a moment I don't mind about that.

Valmont takes the rest of the food away, and I almost put my hand out to stop him, but I think he'll give it back. I want to trust him, even though I'm still watching the wrapped food nervously. But he lets me sip his coffee. It doesn't taste familiar, the way it smelled: the milkiness of it makes me wrinkle my nose a bit, and I pass it back.

"You can eat with my family tonight if you like, Micah. And I should work out where to have you sleep, since I don't think the other men who sleep here would be very friendly if you wake them up in the night. I'll think it over. For now you can nap here if you want to get more sleep. What would you like to do?"

More sleep sounds good. "Where do you sleep?" I ask him. He doesn't seem like he'd mind being woken up.

[jaeresteade]

I make short work of my sandwich while they talk over dinner. Trying to think what in hell I could do for the kid. I have some things left that I bought for Tarquin. He didn't take them with him, and they're just sitting in my room at the 'Boy now. I'll bring them over here before I go into work.

The room's an issue, though. No way in hell I'm going to offer him mine, because of how it'd look and also because of the biting. But sitting in my pocket is most of what I got paid on Friday, and tips have been good lately. I look at the kid, thinking hard. People have done for me.

Can't help my eyebrows going up when he asks after Valmont's bed. Oh, brother, that's already full. But it's kind of sweet, the way he asks.

Still, that clinches it. I reach in my pocket and thumb half the bills off the roll. "Let him have my old room." Was never really mine, but Valmont will know the one I mean. I slide the bills across the table to him. That'll keep the kid for a week. If I can't do for Tarquin, I can maybe do for someone else who needs it.

[valmont_vicomte]

"Where do you sleep?"

I think I manage to turn my laugh into a convincing cough.

"I sleep in my own apartment," I say, "just at the back of the inn. But I don't think my wife would enjoy you sleeping with us," I say. Nor do I think Hermia would like a strange boy sleeping on our sofa. We really do need to look into expanding the apartment - I'm hoping it won't be too long before we need another bedroom.

Then Jarmyn's getting his wallet out and peeling off a bunch of notes. I raise my eyebrows.

"Jarmyn, I wouldn't take your wages from you for this. Besides, if any of the bedrooms were free I would have already put Micah in one of them. Hmm... There's a room above the stables that Fyodor uses from time to time if we have a lot of late arrivals to stable and he doesn't want to walk home in the dark. It's basic, but it should do." I smile at Micah. "I'll ask Cora to change the bedsheets in there this afternoon, sweep up a bit." I'm sure she'll love that.

[tezcatl_ipoca]

"I sleep in my own apartment, just at the back of the inn." I will remember that. "But I don't think my wife would enjoy you sleeping with us." I don't care about that.

They discuss where to put me, though I know where I will sleep, now. But a room of my own, that would be good too. There's a small twitch in me at the mention of a stable - I suppose it's more familiar to Micah, and I lean on him heavily again, feel the stab of pressure inside my head. It hurts, but I have to do it. There is no place for him.

It makes it hard to think. I rub my face for a moment, try to remember what was just happening. "The room. Yes. That would be good." Remember the right thing to say again: "Thank you." I feel dizzy, and wish he hadn't taken the whiskey away.

[jaeresteade]

I don't know why Valmont's going on about his apartment. I don't think the boy has it in him to steal, but I doubt Hermia'd take kindly to finding a stray on the doormat. His business, I suppose.

And what I do with my money is mine, though the look he's giving me is telling me otherwise. They get the matter of the room settled, but I leave the money where it's lying on the table and set my jaw. "Keep it." I look Valmont right in the eye. Goddess, can we not both be helping out someone who's where we've both been? "For him." I tip my head at Micah, and then I look to him. "For when you get back on your feet. Just...don't bite anyone else?" Lucien's salve is working, but my hand still aches. "All right?"

[valmont_vicomte]

I paid Jarmyn those wages, so it seems ridiculous for him to give them back to me, but he's giving me a bullish look so I just dip my head and put the money in my pocket.

"That's very generous of you." I wonder if the boy even knows how to use money. Well, he'll learn, I suppose. "Let's leave Micah to get some more rest," I say, "and I'll speak to Cora about the stable room. And Fyodor, of course." He might be grumpy about it, but given that he uses the room for free and he has a home to go to I don't think he can have too much cause to complain. "I'll be downstairs if you need me," I say to Micah, and I head away.

I speak to Fyodor, who sulks a bit but gives in when I say it should only be for a few days, and then to Cora who point blank refuses to clean a room for someone who's not a paying guest. Why do I have such opinionated staff? So I take some sheets up to the room and find it's quite clean - Fyodor's a tidy boy - so I put the sheets on and then go back to the office and my long-abandoned paperwork. What a day.

[tezcatl_ipoca]

The room with many bed is quiet and peaceful, and I am glad to rest there again. I even sleep a little, and if I dream, I don't remember. I wake, look for a place to urinate and then decide I should find the bathroom again, return and drink the water Valmont left, sleep some more.

For a long time, after that, I lie and look at the ceiling. I still have stomach pain, and my feet are sore; that doesn't matter. I wish I knew why I am here. I wish I knew why I am. I would still rather not be, but this is better than the road. I think a little bit about Micah's life, the shadows of it that I can see, but it makes the echo of him stir and I have to suppress is again. It makes my head ache, every time, makes thinking harder.

When men come in later I turn on my side and pull the covers over my head. There're voices and sounds, and it makes my head hurt. The sky grows dark outside. I hear more sounds from the inn below, men and women coming and going. I want to look for Valmont there, but there are too many people. I take the blanket from the bed, leave the room and the men in it and explore the rest of the building. One foot is bleeding through the bandages again.

I find a door that makes my hand twitch when I touch it: there is power here. But there is a - a feel of Valmont too, like a smell of him in the air, though I don't think he's there. It makes me feel better, and I lie down on the floor with my back against the door, curled under my blanket. It is quiet here; I can sleep.