In the last outback at the world's end

[tezcatl_ipoca]

10th May, Midmorning
The WhitechapelI have hardly rested, with the ache of that pull inwards in these bones. It has eased within the town but still tugs me eastward; I refuse to answer it. I have walked on through the town on these injured feet and out the other side. I have no desire to be here: no desire to be conscious as I am, to be. I was

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[jaeresteade]

I watch Lucien leave, fists clenched, still shaking a little. Bastard. Go over to the bar and pour myself a plain soda with lemon. Hurts just to hold the glass, but I think I can use the hand. Just as long as we don't get too busy.

Shit. I sit down hard on the nearest stool, thinking about work, about what the hell I can do with a hurt hand. Or no hand at all. I close my eyes and try to breathe. I'll keep it clean, put poultices on it if I have to. It'll heal. I've had worse. I've had worse, but never on my hand.

Valmont pokes his head in, but I can't think of anything to say, and after a while he takes himself off. I sit with my drink and try not to think about anything. Not Lucien or needles or infection or things being cut off. Not anything at all.

There's a scream from upstairs, and I'm on my feet before I can think about it. If that dirty little bastard has hurt Valmont, I will wipe him all over the floor, bandaged feet or no. Hell, bandaged hand or no.

But no, that's Valmont ahead of me taking the stairs two at a time. He makes it through the door at a clip, and I'm just behind him. Micah's curled up in bed, sweating and shivering. "Jesus," I breathe, and follow Valmont over to him.

Not sure what to say, because I've never been any good at dealing with nightmares, even my own. And I'd rather not get bit again.

[tezcatl_ipoca]

"Micah." That's not my name. The man's familiar but I can't think from where, can't work out where I am, and there's another one and my feet (feet?) hurt and I -

I blink. Yes. I remember. I remember coming here. Valmont. And this is not my body, but one I wear. I am not human. I am not sure I am even real.

"I - dreamed." I don't remember what it was. Pain and the smell of blood and some very old horror. A language I don't speak. I don't remember.

[valmont_vicomte]

"Yes," I say quietly. Jarmyn's come in behind me, and I don't know if that's a good idea since Micah bit him before, but never mind that. I don't tell him his dreams aren't real, because what do I know about his dreams. "But you're awake now. And safe." I get up very slowly, sit on the edge of the bed, not crowding him. He looks very young. "Do you want to talk about your dream?"

[jaeresteade]

Oh, kid. Only my throbbing hand keeps me from feeling sorry for him. Run my other hand through my hair and try to think of something to say that'll help.

Valmont sits down on the bed, which I personally wouldn't do, but it's his business. I understand what he's trying to do, but getting the kid to talk about it won't help. "It's all right," I add quietly, and I'd stroke his hair if it weren't filthy. And if I didn't want to keep my good hand whole. "It's not real. No one's going to hurt you." Unless you start biting people again.

[tezcatl_ipoca]

Yes. But you're awake now. And safe." He sits on the bed, but he's not too close. And I'm not afraid of him. "Do you want to talk about your dream?"

The other one, too: "It's all right. It's not real. No one's going to hurt you."

They already did. I look at Valmont. "It - hurt." It still does, my chest, though it's easing. I was so terribly afraid. "They left me," I say, without knowing I was going to say it. Left alone, I remember that, from the dream. So absolutely alone, so suddenly. I wish I could remember.

[valmont_vicomte]

"It - hurt. They left me." And he sounds both young and old before his time altogether.

"You're not alone now," I say. "Unless you would like to be." I wonder who left him. His family? And when he says hurt, does he mean emotionally or physically? I think of the things that had happened to me when I was his age, and I didn't wake screaming in the night but that's only because I closed down my heart. And I didn't open it again, not really, until Hermia. "Why did you come to Excolo, Micah?"

[jaeresteade]

Right, so clearly someone beat him up and left him to die. On the road, probably. And they must have hit him in the head so much that he can't remember who did it or where. Or maybe he's just put it out of his mind because it hurt so much, and he can't stand to think someone would do that to him.

Valmont's asking him why he came here, but I'd bet he can't remember that either, or never meant to come here in the first place. Probably he just picked himself up when he could and let his feet carry him. I know how that goes.

My hand still hurts, but I'm feeling sorrier and sorrier for this poor bastard by the minute. "I've, uh, I've got some clothes and things you could borrow, if you like. Pair of boots. Help you get back on your feet." Valmont could buy him all those things, sure, but I want to offer. Maybe it'll mean something to him. I know what it would have meant to me.

[tezcatl_ipoca]

"Why did you come to Excolo, Micah?"

Knees up in front of me, arms wrapped around them. "I had to. I had to come here." I don't know how to explain it to Valmont, but I want to. "It made me."

"I've, uh, I've got some clothes and things you could borrow, if you like. Pair of boots. Help you get back on your feet."

Back on my feet? "They're too sore to stand on," I tell him. "And I have clothes." They seem fine to me. Are they wrong? Perhaps it's the strong smell. I twist my head and sniff at them, but they just smell of a human body. These two men smell the same to me, though not as much. He does not seem to be trying to be unkind, though, so I look between him and Valmont and ask it: "Are they wrong?"

I'm still trembling. I don't want to be wrong. I don't want them to turn me away (they left me).

[valmont_vicomte]

"I had to. I had to come here. It made me."

"It?" I say. "The town?" I look at him thoughtfully. "You're not the first person to be drawn here, Micah. Excolo's an - unusual place." And this boy might be another unusual person, if he's been called here. He's reminding me more and more of Alice...

"Are they wrong?"

He looks afraid, like a dog expecting a beating. I suppose the way he sniffs at us fits with that.

"They're not wrong," I say soothingly. "Just dirty and worn. We can wash them," I say, though looking at them it might be better to burn them and start over. "And you can wash, too... Sometimes life generally feels better after a shower." I smile a little.

[jaeresteade]

The kid's clearly out of his head, and Valmont asking him questions about everything he's saying might not be doing any good. Those clothes will clearly have to be burnt, too, or at least soaked in turpentine.

"Probably a good idea for you to stay off your feet for now," I tell him gently. "I meant for once you're better. You are going to get better." He reminds me of Tarquin so much it hurts, and I can't quite look at him. Kind of glad I've got a good reason not to touch him, or I'd have hugged him before now. "Do you think you can get back to sleep?"

I look to Valmont. "I can go down to the apothecary for some tea. Or there is more whiskey downstairs."

[tezcatl_ipoca]

It - the town, or the thing living to the east of it. If it's something alive. I don't mention it, though.

"Do you think you can get back to sleep?"

Valmont said I should take a shower. "Valmont said I should take a shower. But you could get the whiskey." I look between them. The whiskey made me feel better, before.

[valmont_vicomte]

Oh lord, giving the boy a taste for whisky might be a bad idea. Still, he's almost a man, too, and sometimes a man needs strong spirits.

"A drop of whisky might do," I agree. "With something to eat. Could you run to the Miskatonic, Jarmyn?" I say. "Take some cash from the register and buy something for lunch for us all. Something simple. They usually have a casserole of some sort." I look back at Micah. "I think a shower might be hard on your feet," I say. "But there's a bath down the hall. Come with me."

He follows along after I help him up - walking awkwardly on his sore feet, poor boy. The bathroom on this floor is a large one, and there's a big old bath. I put the plug in and turn the taps on, and I find a new bar of soap in the cupboard under the sink. I unwrap it and set it on the side of the bath.

"Do you need help getting undressed and into the bath," I ask him, "or shall I go away?" It's not as if I have any embarrassment about seeing a naked boy, but he might not like it. On the other hand he's still moving awkwardly enough that it might be difficult for him to manage by himself. But I don't want to fuss over him; at his age I would have found that terribly annoying.

[tezcatl_ipoca]

"Do you need help getting undressed and into the bath, or shall I go away?"

There's steam coming from the water. I'm very aware of every ache in this body I'm in. "I can undress," I say, and start taking the clothes off. The air's warm on my skin. I could get in on my own - I walked here with my feet bleeding - but he is here to help.

I drop the clothes on the floor. It's pleasant to be naked.

[valmont_vicomte]

He takes off his clothes, and I was right - he's not got the look of someone who is chronically underfed. He's a little thin, but he has muscle, and once he's had a few good meals and had a haircut I think he'll be quite handsome.

"Here," I say. "Hold my arm as you get in." He gets himself settled in the water, and I wonder if he should get his stitches wet. Well, Lucien didn't say anything about that, and if they're going to fall out they're more likely to do so just from him walking on them. There's a chair in the bathroom, so I sit on it and stretch my legs out. People tend to be so private here about bathing, which I still find a little odd. The boy's lack of self-consciousness is more in keeping with most of the places I have lived. At Versailles there would be a dozen members of court to attend the Duke at his bath. And the Duchess at hers, although strictly speaking those attendants were supposed to be ladies...

"The water helps, doesn't it?" I say. "There's little better for sore muscles than a hot bath."

[tezcatl_ipoca]

It does feel good. I stretch out as much as I can, and the water stings the stitched wounds. Perhaps I should take them out of the water, but it seems like too much effort.

"The water helps, doesn't it? There's little better for sore muscles than a hot bath."

"The walk was long." I like Valmont. He looks at me in the bath, and I wonder what he's thinking of how this body looks. I don't know why I think that. "This is nice." I smile at him, feeling the sudden change of this face again. There's a phrase I want, and I reach for it, find it: "Thank you."

[valmont_vicomte]

"The walk was long. This is nice. Thank you."

The smile changes his face. He's a solemn looking young man, but the smile brightens his whole face, and I smile back at him.

"You're quite welcome," I say. "Alice, who you met downstairs, came to us in a similar way, funnily enough... In any case, many of the people here at the Whitechapel have had hard times in the past, and so it seems right to help travellers passing through." Hermia, fled from her family. Jarmyn with his difficult past. Alice, escaped from who-knows-what horrors of abuse and cruelty. Adam I suspect had hard times before he came to Excolo... And my own life has been up-and-down. "Most people wouldn't think of the Whitechapel as a sanctuary, and it's certainly not as calm as a church, but I've found a sort of peace here," I say, smiling a little as I think it. I have no idea where we're going to put the boy, because if he has night terrors then the other men in the dorm would probably knife him to keep him quiet, but I'm certainly not turfing him out onto the street. I'll think of something.