Streetlights, people, living just to find emotion, hiding somewhere in the night

[jaeresteade]

Sunday, February 7th, day 252
Wee hours of the morning
Whitechapel inn, upstairs

This is why I hate weekends. I’m told that people in other lines of work actually enjoy them, use them to go out and generally have the good time they can’t other nights, when they have to get up and work in the morning. The difficulty I have with this is that the places

Comments

it's a huguenot cross

[jaeresteade]

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised he asked about my cross. He’s seen enough of it today. Sometimes I forget it’s there, other days it’s all I can think about. Been busy lately. I’m glad he asked about something I’m honestly proud of. “How long? About five years.” Guess I’d better explain that.

“Started out as my birthday present to myself, year I turned twenty-one. Had enough saved to get the outline done. Went back the next year to have more of the details put it. It’s turned into a tradition. Takes the better part of a day, each time. Hurts like hell. It needs a dove here, hanging down.” I roll over, show him the place on my spine. “That’ll be the next part for this year.” If I have enough saved to get it done. Excolo seems like a good place to spend money. Need to start thinking of more ways to make it, too.

He didn’t ask what it means, so he either knows already or doesn’t want to. That’s fine. Don’t mind him being interested in it. “Are you thinking of having something done?” I give in to the temptation to run my hand down his side. “Some ink would look good on you.” Can’t think of anything that wouldn’t look good on this man, though. Nothing at all on him looks damn fine to me.

Re: it's a huguenot cross

[regularblack]

"I've seen that before," I say. I don't remember what it exactly it was for, but I do remember seeing a very elaborate cross like this one in the back of a book. With the bird, though the one in the book was colorful. Probably still sitting there, that pile of books we haven't touched, collecting dust and secrets.

"Not for me. There's nothing I want so bad as to keep with me all the time." That's the truth too. There's little I would keep with me.

[jaeresteade]

“Nothing at all?” I wonder out loud, and keep my hand on his hip, rubbing in slow circles. Most people can think of something they might have done, a word or a picture that means something to them, or just something they thing is pretty or tough. But not this man. I’ll figure out what that says about him when more of my brain is working.

Talking of keeping things, though. Something else that needs saying, since he seems in a good frame of mind and unlikely to go anywhere. I pitch my voice quietly, but dead serious, too, and look in his eyes. “Glad you stayed in town tonight,” I tell him, and mean it. “And I hope I’ve showed my appreciation properly here.” If he disagrees, I suppose I could manage to show some more. “I’d be proud to call you a friend, hope you come in the bar again. Hope you come up here again, too. But I’m not looking for-“ I stop to think of the words carefully, because finding the right ones is important. I finally decide on using his own back to him. “For someone to keep with me all the time.” Hope he can accept this, that he knew this was the kind of arrangement he was getting himself into. It’d be a hell of a time for him to take issue with it, because I’m not moving on this, but I also don’t want to get out of bed.

[regularblack]

I give a little shake of my head. He goes from light to serious, so fast.

"No cause to worry," I reassure him. "I don't expect you to tie yourself up, or to make promises. It's not what I'm after." I hope that I'm saying things right, because I've not ever really had this conversation before.

[jaeresteade]

“Thank you,” I say, for the third time tonight. Haven’t had cause to thank anyone this much in quite a while. “I didn’t think it was. Just wanted to be sure.” I climb out of bed, shivering when the cold air hits my skin, and go over to turn the lamp off. We can keep talking in the dark if he wants to, or go to sleep. I’m not going to be able to stay awake much longer, anyway, and he’d probably like to get back to his sister at a decent hour today.

I find my way back to bed and lie down with my back to him. God, this man is like a furnace. If he wants to put an arm over me and spoon up around me, he won’t hear any complaints. Yet another reason to hope he visits regularly. “I’ll be here a year, maybe, and then I’m gone. Get bored, staying too long in one place, no matter how good it is. Need to see somewhere new.” I listen to myself say this, feeling warm and sleepy and still a bit sluggish from the sex. It sounds ridiculous, but I know it won’t feel that way in a year’s time. Don’t want to think that far ahead now, though. Just want to enjoy being here and feeling like this, save up the memory for when the bed’s cold or when there’s no bed at all.

[regularblack]

It seems chillier in the darkness and without thinking too hard about it I roll next to him. Far more pleasant to sleep next to a warm body than without. I tug the blanket around us and warm the tip of my nose on his shoulder blade.

"Hah," I yawn. "Better stick to that plan. Otherwise you'll suddenly decide Excolo has need of fine cheese and start buying cows one day. Town does that to people." It does and that's probably why I'm still here. The dark weighs on my eyes and I feel bone tired like I do in the middle of summer.

[jaeresteade]

He pulls the blanket up around us and sticks his nose into my back. If I were a bit more awake, I’d make a joke about that, maybe poke him, but I just don’t have it in me to now. I think he’s joking about the cows and the cheese, too, but what he describes still scares me. “I start buying cows, you have permission to take the shotgun I’m sure you have out on that farm of yours and blow my head off.” I mean it, too, but the words come out in a mumble it would be hard for anyone to take seriously.

I can feel him relaxing at my back, and if I lean into him to soak up the heat, well, the bed’s not overly large for two men. It’s been a long night, none of it bad, and the end of it very good. Didn’t expect this from the man sitting at the end of my bar looking cold. He’s not cold at all now. Could do with more nights ending this way. Hope this works out, our arrangement, that no hard feelings come of it. God knows everyone has their troubles, some worse than others. But here we are, warm in this night. Not a bad thing at all.

CLOSED