(Untitled)
Wednesday, December 9thBloody miserable day. Bin a lot of 'em lately an' I'm sick of it. Not in a good mood t'day at all. Syl came past yesterday an' told us Miss Wanda's shacking up with the fuckin' devil. Cos Tez doing that wasn't enough fer 'im, apparently. Syl was pretty shook up about it and said we couldn't go stayin' with Wanda. Could've
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"Tulzcha," I call out, "will you bring this lady a cup o'tea?" Takes 'er about ten seconds t'bring it, I swear. Not as nice as the tea in the Dormouse, but it'll do.
"That'll make yer feel steadier," I observe, an' then go back t'the cards. "Next card is fer influences on you in th'future," I say, an' flip it over. "Ten o'Cups, reversed. That's fer family discord," I say.
A farmhouse full of family - there's the boy who comforted 'er, must be a brother - an' everyone's tense, people're talkin' 'bout duty an' the face o'the oldest man, reckon that's the father, is furious...
"They'll want yer t'get married," I say, "yer family. Will get 'arder t'put 'em off as y'get older. An' it's not just regular family pressure, I don't reckon. They think you need t'get 'itched an' up the duff, though I couldn't say why. Reckon you know, though," I say, givin' 'er a keen look.
"Now then," I continue. "Th'next card is the 'eart of the readin', though not the end of it. It's what t'do now."
"The Eight o'Wands," I say, as I flip it over, an' I smile. "That's a lucky card. Usually a card of 'ope. About understandin' an' 'armony."
Hope gazes at it, an' tells me - it's bin a long conversation; they look tired, an' like they've bin cryin', but at last Miss O'Hara lifts 'er face an' says the girl's name.
"Tess," I say. Nice sort o'name in a country way. "You should talk to 'er, but you need t'be patient, which I reckon ain't yer natural state," I say with a bit of a grin, "cos it's 'urt 'er a lot, an' it won't all get fixed at once. But - I reckon she still loves you, an' she might want ter try."
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She turns the next card. "Next card is fer influences on you in th'future. Ten o'Cups, reversed. That's fer family discord." I ain't ever had a readin' like this, but I remember an aunt sayin' a true readin' was never comfortable. She was right. I keep wantin' t'wince at the implications 'a the cards, but I keep my back straight 'n my eyes steady. Mostly.
"They'll want yer t'get married, yer family. Will get 'arder t'put 'em off as y'get older. An' it's not just regular family pressure, I don't reckon. They think you need t'get 'itched an' up the duff, though I couldn't say why. Reckon you know, though." Think they saw more 'n that, but she dunt say. I just nod, 'cause that one makes me feel tired. "That won't change," I tell her.
"Now then," Faith continues, the pace 'a the readin' pickin' up as they get the sense 'n the shape 'v it, "th'next card is the 'eart of the readin', though not the end of it. It's what t'do now."
I lean forward some in spite 'a myself, and she turns it. "The Eight o'Wands." She gives the first smile I think I've seen on her. It softens her, makes her look more like her sister. "That's a lucky card. Usually a card of 'ope. About understandin' an' 'armony." I sag back some, hopin' it means what I think.
"Tess." A true readin' indeed, like I had any doubts by now. "You should talk to 'er, but you need t'be patient, which I reckon ain't yer natural state, cos it's 'urt 'er a lot, an' it won't all get fixed at once. But - I reckon she still loves you, an' she might want ter try." The dig's more sympathetic than anythin', and her words... She still loves me, then, which is near more 'n I hoped despite Johnny's reassurances. "Thank you," I say, swallowin'. I take a sip 'a the tea and realize it's half gone - dint even notice drinkin' it. "That - I'm glad. Thank you."
There's three more cards left, I remember through my relief. "What - what comes after the fourth card?"
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"Th'next card is fer things outside o'you as can influence the situation." I turn it over an' feel meself frown, cos it ain't a nice one.
"Nine o'Swords - the Lord o'Despair," Faith says, 'er tone soundin' like what I feel. Look down at it, an' it's easy enough t'read.
"Biggest thing outside o'you that might 'old things back is 'er fear an' distrust," I say. "But I s'pose that don't come as a surprise. Seems like she's 'ad reason not t'trust people in the past, an' it's a lot t'get past." I sip me own cup o'tea, cos a readin' like this is thirsty work.
"Next card," says Faith, as we get closer t'the end, "is hopes an' fears." I dunno that we even need t'really read this one, cos what Tess fears is written all over 'er face, but I turn over th'card anyway. "The Hierophant."
Hopes an' fears can be 'ard t'read, cos yer askin' the card to show you positives an' negatives in people's thoughts - not even what might 'appen, just what they think about. So th'images swim together, blurrin' at th'edges.
People turnin' away from Tess - someone throws something at Miss O'Hara, face distorted with rage - Miss O'Hara closes the door in Tess's face - Miss O'Hara runnin' 'er 'ands through Tess's hair, an' I can see the first fine strands of silver runnin' through it in pale mornin' light - a grave bein' dug - an' -
The Tower lit up like a candle, an' the air black as night, sun th'colour of blood -
Look up at Tess with shock.
"Is there never goin' t'be a readin' in this bleedin' town we don't see that fuckin' tower?" asks Faith sourly. She lights a cigarette. "Yer afraid that if people know 'bout you an' Miss O'Hara, they'll turn away from you or worse. Yer afraid Miss O'Hara'll refuse t'talk t'you. Yer afraid she'll die afore 'er time cos of the bloody tower, an' it'll take the town with it. You 'ope that you an' Miss O'Hara'll live long enough t'both still love each other in years t'come, an' that 'er 'ome'll be yours too, but yer afraid of what that might mean givin' up." Faith inhales an' then breathes out a mouthful of smoke.
Only one more card t'go. The final outcome.
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I catch my breath as the card turns. "Nine o'Swords - the Lord o'Despair," Faith says in a funeral voice. "Biggest thing outside o'you that might 'old things back is 'er fear an' distrust. But I s'pose that don't come as a surprise. Seems like she's 'ad reason not t'trust people in the past, an' it's a lot t'get past." Faith sips her tea, still looking down at the card.
"Next card is hopes an' fears," Faith says, and Hope names it. "The Hierophant."
She looks at it, and then her head jerks up, her eyes wide as she looks at me. "Is there never goin' t'be a readin' in this bleedin' town we don't see that fuckin' tower?" Faith sounds mad, and I guess I would be too 'f the damn thing kept intrudin' on my readin'. It makes me glad I ain't tried any scryin' 'r the like, not since what happened.
"Yer afraid that if people know 'bout you an' Miss O'Hara, they'll turn away from you or worse." Afraid, yeah, but that I think I could deal with. "Yer afraid Miss O'Hara'll refuse t'talk t'you. Yer afraid she'll die afore 'er time cos of the bloody tower, an' it'll take the town with it." That one's harder, and I dunt know 'f it's the first 'r the second that scares me more. "You 'ope that you an' Miss O'Hara'll live long enough t'both still love each other in years t'come, an' that 'er 'ome'll be yours too, but yer afraid of what that might mean givin' up."
That cuts deepest, just like the dream with Nanshe, not knowin' what I'll lose 'f I get what I want so bad. Will she want me t'leave the Family? Will I have to? Will she be scared 'a what I can do...
There's one card left, and I take a deep breath. "What's the last card for," I ask.
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"Last card's fer the overall outcome, if you follow th'fourth card's advice," I say. "Sort o'sums up the rest o'what came before."
Turn it over, an' smile a bit to see it. "That's the Strength card," I say, an' Hope looks.
Miss O'Hara, younger again, walkin' out in the dark... An' walkin' on the road, shoes splashed wi' mud... Tess lyin' in the arms o'that girl from the Apothecary, an' the girl walkin' away... Tess doin' magic in a place that shimmers with power, an' then lyin' in bed sweatin' out a fever... Miss O'Hara kneelin' with 'er 'ands pressed t'gether... Mrs Beddau who's married to the barman with 'er 'and on Miss O'Hara's, steady look passin' between 'em... Miss O'Hara lookin' at Tess awhile, an' at last crossin' the room an' lettin' Tess put 'er lips on 'er forehead.
"Yer both strong," I say. "And yer willin' to risk a lot fer what you really want. It'll stand you in good stead, an' if you do what's right, I'd say it's pretty certain she'll take y'back in the end." Light another cig. "Tell you what, though," I add drily as I get it lit, "that Mrs Beddau is goin' to think you deserve a shakin'."
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"That's the Strength card," Faith says as she turns it. There's that pause 'gain as Hope reads it, and then Faith says "Yer both strong. And yer willin' to risk a lot fer what you really want. It'll stand you in good stead, an' if you do what's right, I'd say it's pretty certain she'll take y'back in the end." I sit back, thinkin' Kate might be the stronger 'v us two. Faith lights another smoke off 'a the old one. "Tell you what, though," she adds, "that Mrs Beddau is goin' to think you deserve a shakin'."
I hadn't even thought 'a that. "Oh, hell," I say. "She will, won't she." I shake my head. "I'll deal with that when it comes," I tell them. I stand up, not sure what t'say. This readin'... it's more intimate than I'd thought, them knowin' so much 'a me. "Thanks," I say again. "I - 'f I can do anythin' fer you both, ask." Just knowin' she can forgive me means a lot.
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"I - 'f I can do anythin' fer you both, ask."
"You can start by settlin' our bill," I say, raisin' an eyebrow an' namin' th'price of our readin'. Then I give 'er a smile. "You'll be alright, you an' 'er," I say. "Good luck with it, yeah? An' y' never know, might take yer up on that offer sometime."
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I nod, 'n leave 'afore I thank 'em again. It helps, knowin' there's folks as hardly know me wishin' me well with Kate.
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