And when I turned around, I realized you had made a home for yourself in my heart....
(Thursday, October 8th)
(The Dormouse, late afternoon)
Another rainy, grey day finds me in the front room of my shoppe, sitting at the table by the window, staring out at nothing and stirring the tea I am not drinking. Sent word to Ares that I am not able to come today, but that I should be back on my feet by Monday.
I should be worried about Lucien, who is looking more tired and worn by the day.
I should be worried about Lúgh, who for all his assurances that he will survive what needs to be done for Lucien, I feel he is lying to me.
My beautiful liar....
I should be worried for myself, still tense and unsure and skittish around my poor Lucien, even if I don't want to be. Worried for my state of mind and my nerves fraying at every little disaster, every bump in the night or the way someone looks at me.
Then there's Miao, with diamond hooves, and Karina who hasn't slept, and little Fiona who has nightmares about fire snakes and ponies screaming.... at least Lucien, bless him, has a plan for that. Something to do in the face of such helplessness.
Of all the things I could be worrying about, what has me sitting alone and waxing melancholic?
Kent.
Of course I kept that appointment. But I was not at the top of my game. Not nearly as harsh as he's come to expect, I even had to blindfold him because I was having a hard time keeping my composure in check. Which I hated to do. Blindfolds are wonderful when you don't want the submissive to know what's coming, they are not a crutch for when the dominant is unsure of themselves. Felt like a bloody novice. Nearly dropped the violet wand because my hand was shaking so badly. By the end of the session I was pretty much comfortbale with myself again, and Kent did not seem too put off. Apologizing for my inablility to keep to the standards I am capable of, I offered to see him in one week instead of two. Kent smiled and assured me there was nothing to be apologetic for, and if his work scheduled allowed, I would see him in one week. Once again he spent the night, which is another crutch, I know....
But when he's there, I sleep. With his arms around me and the scent that is distinctly him left on the sheets, I manage to relax, to rest without worry or nightmares...
I am getting in too deep with him. I know it.
I should be worried about a lot of things.
How my relationship is evoling with Kent should worry me.
How he crowds out all thoughts of everyone else should concern me greatly......
I'm more concerned he won't be able to come next week.
(Closed)
(The Dormouse, late afternoon)
Another rainy, grey day finds me in the front room of my shoppe, sitting at the table by the window, staring out at nothing and stirring the tea I am not drinking. Sent word to Ares that I am not able to come today, but that I should be back on my feet by Monday.
I should be worried about Lucien, who is looking more tired and worn by the day.
I should be worried about Lúgh, who for all his assurances that he will survive what needs to be done for Lucien, I feel he is lying to me.
My beautiful liar....
I should be worried for myself, still tense and unsure and skittish around my poor Lucien, even if I don't want to be. Worried for my state of mind and my nerves fraying at every little disaster, every bump in the night or the way someone looks at me.
Then there's Miao, with diamond hooves, and Karina who hasn't slept, and little Fiona who has nightmares about fire snakes and ponies screaming.... at least Lucien, bless him, has a plan for that. Something to do in the face of such helplessness.
Of all the things I could be worrying about, what has me sitting alone and waxing melancholic?
Kent.
Of course I kept that appointment. But I was not at the top of my game. Not nearly as harsh as he's come to expect, I even had to blindfold him because I was having a hard time keeping my composure in check. Which I hated to do. Blindfolds are wonderful when you don't want the submissive to know what's coming, they are not a crutch for when the dominant is unsure of themselves. Felt like a bloody novice. Nearly dropped the violet wand because my hand was shaking so badly. By the end of the session I was pretty much comfortbale with myself again, and Kent did not seem too put off. Apologizing for my inablility to keep to the standards I am capable of, I offered to see him in one week instead of two. Kent smiled and assured me there was nothing to be apologetic for, and if his work scheduled allowed, I would see him in one week. Once again he spent the night, which is another crutch, I know....
But when he's there, I sleep. With his arms around me and the scent that is distinctly him left on the sheets, I manage to relax, to rest without worry or nightmares...
I am getting in too deep with him. I know it.
I should be worried about a lot of things.
How my relationship is evoling with Kent should worry me.
How he crowds out all thoughts of everyone else should concern me greatly......
I'm more concerned he won't be able to come next week.
(Closed)