(no subject)
Despite an almost two-year hiatus, I'm back to LJ for one reason, the reason that usually brings me crawling back to this semblance of a diary: there is pain and this is the best way to release it.
After Iowa, during my time at B, things had calmed down. While I was in no way deluded into believing that unadulterated happiness could be achieved, the natural disasters that had swirled around life had somewhat abated; I could also myself to indulge in worries shared with other 18-23 year olds. By the last year there, I had grown disillusioned with the campus and college life in general. However, I was not ready for that departure to give rise to full-blown depression.
Which brings me to now.
I can't remember the last day I was happy. Unqualified happy. Happy without those nagging things to be done, happy without worries, happy without concerns, happy without "whatneedstobewhatifwhatwillhappenwhenwhycan'twewhendoesthat"; it's sickening.
On the first day back from winter break at H, my father told me that he has lost his job. The echo back to this situation happening in Iowa reverberated through every bone in my body. Fucking fuck fuck. What am I supposed to do this time around?
After Iowa, during my time at B, things had calmed down. While I was in no way deluded into believing that unadulterated happiness could be achieved, the natural disasters that had swirled around life had somewhat abated; I could also myself to indulge in worries shared with other 18-23 year olds. By the last year there, I had grown disillusioned with the campus and college life in general. However, I was not ready for that departure to give rise to full-blown depression.
Which brings me to now.
I can't remember the last day I was happy. Unqualified happy. Happy without those nagging things to be done, happy without worries, happy without concerns, happy without "whatneedstobewhatifwhatwillhappenwhenwhycan'twewhendoesthat"; it's sickening.
On the first day back from winter break at H, my father told me that he has lost his job. The echo back to this situation happening in Iowa reverberated through every bone in my body. Fucking fuck fuck. What am I supposed to do this time around?