(no subject)

[essex666]

hannah got to me again. i started thinking about band ethic today after she made a commetn and i realized shes right. truth is, devon needs to get her shit together and mature a little(really no pun intended), bernie needs to get really serious, Alicia cant really do anything more than she is now. i may seem alittle harsh and bold, but i beat myself up the most, if this band doesnt make it im the one im going to beat up over it. i already get stressed. im worried, ill be honest. we have 5 years to get really good and we've been together for 3 months, i feel that we have gotten no where and its my fault.
i want a heavy and grunge-like sound to my music and i know damn well that everyone doesnt want the same thing as i do. i want it so i effect a ton of people, but i also want it so im not a sell out. i dont want a "show" i want it to be me on the stage. i dont want it all for the profit. i want to rock, i want to get my point across and i want to grab attention. i can tell that both mine and alicia's egos will eventually collide, i can tell that if im not careful im going to get adicted along the way. i can tell that if we dont find detication soon its over before it begun. its scary, and i can also tell that if i do not imprive these songs, and finish them i will not find any peace.
fuck this shit, im going to bed.