screaming tulips.
most of the time i would say that i am a pretty levelheaded person--my anger is normally quick, as soon as i can even imagine some sort of revenge or come up with a nasty thought the spark is out. i'm that much of a pacificist, i can't even let myself stay mad.
a month ago i thought moving in with my father (ahem, to escape aforementioned a thousand times crazy mother) would be a good idea. i didn't realize that being away from the kind of at-home-crap i was used to would be difficult. i was of the mind that it would a breeze, you know--take a summer school class, visit some friends, try my hand at painting (after three years without a single class), but oh no...Jesus had other plans in mind. i can definitely say i know what old moses must have felt wandering around in the desert all that time, being led around by his nose, probably in circles, to achieve some purpose he wasn't even told about.
rather than a mean pharoh and some whiny crowd of underfed ex-slaves to deal with, i've got a horrid step mother with no feelings (i swear this woman doesn't even HAVE a heart cavity) and a father that can't even tell what an insensitive ass his wife is. everyone knows how much i like to be liked back, how much i try to please people (appeasement is the name of my game, always has been and will likely continue in the same fashion). so rather than saying anything about her clipped, under-the-breath comments about me living with them for the first time in the six year they've been married i just go do my homework or hang out in my room watching my Scrubs dvds over and over again. and this might sound mildly pathetic, but i don't have my sisters here to help me buck up, and if i said one word to my mother she'd have me back at home before i could even blink twice.
it just REALLY sucks to find that the decisions you've made with such good intentions are falling flat. i wish i could be angry for once in my life, to do something other than sulk--to as my step-brother says "grow a pair." but that's just not me. i'd rather listen to elliott smith, have some chai, read a little bit of jonathon safron foer, and then go to bed early.
and to think i haven't even though about what i'm going to do tomorrow.
i wish this was me:
a month ago i thought moving in with my father (ahem, to escape aforementioned a thousand times crazy mother) would be a good idea. i didn't realize that being away from the kind of at-home-crap i was used to would be difficult. i was of the mind that it would a breeze, you know--take a summer school class, visit some friends, try my hand at painting (after three years without a single class), but oh no...Jesus had other plans in mind. i can definitely say i know what old moses must have felt wandering around in the desert all that time, being led around by his nose, probably in circles, to achieve some purpose he wasn't even told about.
rather than a mean pharoh and some whiny crowd of underfed ex-slaves to deal with, i've got a horrid step mother with no feelings (i swear this woman doesn't even HAVE a heart cavity) and a father that can't even tell what an insensitive ass his wife is. everyone knows how much i like to be liked back, how much i try to please people (appeasement is the name of my game, always has been and will likely continue in the same fashion). so rather than saying anything about her clipped, under-the-breath comments about me living with them for the first time in the six year they've been married i just go do my homework or hang out in my room watching my Scrubs dvds over and over again. and this might sound mildly pathetic, but i don't have my sisters here to help me buck up, and if i said one word to my mother she'd have me back at home before i could even blink twice.
it just REALLY sucks to find that the decisions you've made with such good intentions are falling flat. i wish i could be angry for once in my life, to do something other than sulk--to as my step-brother says "grow a pair." but that's just not me. i'd rather listen to elliott smith, have some chai, read a little bit of jonathon safron foer, and then go to bed early.
and to think i haven't even though about what i'm going to do tomorrow.
i wish this was me: