A bit of a crack poem my friend found:
Kiwis might living in Auckland might find this interesting. Sad, but kinda funny at the same time. Snort worthy funny.
This is a poem about the different races we have in Auckland. To most, it could sound racist, but this is the crack we have down here. We're so mixed, some of us aren't even sure what we are. XD
Bred in South Auckland
GLENN COLQUHOUN
I drive a car that is falling apart.
There is a bog in the body.
There is rust in the doors.
Occasionally it does not have a warrant.
Sometimes I sleep in large rooms full of people.
I eat too much fried bread.
I am late to meetings.
I go to housie.
My nose is flat.
I say Raw-tore-loo-uh.
Some people think I am a bloody maori.
I have been to university.
I have a student loan.
I photocapy my tax returns.
Most mornings I read the newspaper.
I make lists of things I have to do and like to cross them off.
I cut apples into quarters before I eat them,
Then I cut the pips out.
I put my name on things.
I listen to talkback radio.
I use EFTPOS.
Some people think I am a typical pakeha.
Last week I drove through a red light,
I did not slow down at a compulsory stop,
I changed lanes on the motorway and did not use my indicator.
When I was a boy I went to see Enter the dragon,
I took one lesson in kung fu.
My parents made me do my homework.
My brother gave me chinese burns.
I like beef and pork flavoured two minute noodles.
I light incense when the house smells.
Once I dug a garden.
Some people think I am a blasted asian.
When I was a boy I learnt to swear in Samoan,
I went to school in Mangere.
I played rugby in bare feet,
Sometimes I shop at the Otara markets.
My family come from overseas.
I used to work in a factory.
Once I helped to cook an umu.
When it is summer I wear a lavalava.
I drink pineapple juice.
I like to eat corned beef.
Some people think I must be a flaming coconut.
I think I am the luckiest mongrel I know.
From The Art of walking Upright.
CRACK. TOTAL CRACK!!!
Notes:
Pakeha is our slang for non Maori people (namely white people) living in New Zealand.
Raw-tore-loo-uh is talking about a place in NZ - Rotorua, it stinks because it's covered in sulphuric acid, don't go there a very popular tourist place, go there and burn cook your eggs on rocks.
Otara: It's a dodgy place in South Auckland. One would go there to get mauled. Or you can look at boring houses that are exact replicates. Well, were when the government built them.
South Auckland: Don't go there unless you want to be a victim of something.
EDIT: PS, edweenie, YOU are a very, very SORE LOOSER. YOU were trashed. Gu trashed us. You're not getting that Jay CD back until I stop fangirling over it since I'm starting to feel the beginings of the ZOMGness.
Screw 007, I'm definitly NOT going to the ball.
This is a poem about the different races we have in Auckland. To most, it could sound racist, but this is the crack we have down here. We're so mixed, some of us aren't even sure what we are. XD
Bred in South Auckland
GLENN COLQUHOUN
I drive a car that is falling apart.
There is a bog in the body.
There is rust in the doors.
Occasionally it does not have a warrant.
Sometimes I sleep in large rooms full of people.
I eat too much fried bread.
I am late to meetings.
I go to housie.
My nose is flat.
I say Raw-tore-loo-uh.
Some people think I am a bloody maori.
I have been to university.
I have a student loan.
I photocapy my tax returns.
Most mornings I read the newspaper.
I make lists of things I have to do and like to cross them off.
I cut apples into quarters before I eat them,
Then I cut the pips out.
I put my name on things.
I listen to talkback radio.
I use EFTPOS.
Some people think I am a typical pakeha.
Last week I drove through a red light,
I did not slow down at a compulsory stop,
I changed lanes on the motorway and did not use my indicator.
When I was a boy I went to see Enter the dragon,
I took one lesson in kung fu.
My parents made me do my homework.
My brother gave me chinese burns.
I like beef and pork flavoured two minute noodles.
I light incense when the house smells.
Once I dug a garden.
Some people think I am a blasted asian.
When I was a boy I learnt to swear in Samoan,
I went to school in Mangere.
I played rugby in bare feet,
Sometimes I shop at the Otara markets.
My family come from overseas.
I used to work in a factory.
Once I helped to cook an umu.
When it is summer I wear a lavalava.
I drink pineapple juice.
I like to eat corned beef.
Some people think I must be a flaming coconut.
I think I am the luckiest mongrel I know.
From The Art of walking Upright.
CRACK. TOTAL CRACK!!!
Notes:
Pakeha is our slang for non Maori people (namely white people) living in New Zealand.
Raw-tore-loo-uh is talking about a place in NZ - Rotorua, it stinks because it's covered in sulphuric acid, don't go there a very popular tourist place, go there and burn cook your eggs on rocks.
Otara: It's a dodgy place in South Auckland. One would go there to get mauled. Or you can look at boring houses that are exact replicates. Well, were when the government built them.
South Auckland: Don't go there unless you want to be a victim of something.
EDIT: PS, edweenie, YOU are a very, very SORE LOOSER. YOU were trashed. Gu trashed us. You're not getting that Jay CD back until I stop fangirling over it since I'm starting to feel the beginings of the ZOMGness.
Screw 007, I'm definitly NOT going to the ball.