(no subject)
You know, sometimes I get alot going on in my head, feelings that I'm not quite sure how to put into words or thoughts. That through some miracle and digital word vomit, an image might be made and my feelings understood.
Mind:
I guess I should start off like I do most of my rants/venting sessions, by telling you. (the reader, or rather the empty canvas that shall be filled with words) That I just got finished watching a movie called "God Bless America", it was really good, if not a bit disturbing but awesome nonetheless. I don't know what to really say about it, because in some ways the movie reached out to me on a level I could understand the characters p.o.v., in other ways I felt as if I'd be a target (just from some of the things they named...like high fiving.)
Anywho, I got to thinking about how I pointless a bunch of things we do in everyday life is, and how in the end a lot of people are where they are, not because they deserved it but because they either sneaked their into the position or because it was a hand down from their father/mother. Idk I mean I'm not the best to talk about stuff like that, but it was really sad when even the main character's kindness was misinterpreted and got him in trouble.
I had to do a essay for Philosophy about my account of a "virtuous life" was, and I said someone who contemplates their actions. Now looking back on to it I should have been a bit more specific, which I'll get into in a bit. I was saying that someone should contemplate whether or not their actions would hurt someone else, aka not be a dick all the time. Which most people are. So she comments on it, if I think contemplating murder before doing it made it virtuous, and at first I thought, no. However, maybe that's not right...if someone is a homicidal maniac, or terrorist and we have the opportunity to end their reign of terror by killing them. Wouldn't that make it a virtuous act? Killing one to save many others? I'm not saying jump to that conclusion but that brings you back to the contemplation part. In the long run I think people should be honest with themselves and not just obey and follow. We put milk in our cereal because it's "normal" but why? Cereal will be cereal dry, heated or crushed. Maybe some water, or some sunny D might be a better alternative.
On a side note, school has been stressing me out.
Heart:
I've been told several times, that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that I get involved to easily. I guess it's true. I've never been one of those guys who can just go up to someone and be like hey, you're hot we should make out. Maybe it's because of bad self image, maybe I feel like I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm just not a guy looking to just hook up with girls. Whatever the case is, I put myself out there when I really think I like someone, and most of the times it fires back in my face.
I've been thinking a lot more recently about my ex, or whatever she wants to call herself. I think about it and sometimes I just wonder how I would have been, had I not had that experience in my life, and to what extent it really was that I cared about her. I liked her, I liked her tons, but then I realize that she doesn't even come close to the amount of admiration I've felt for previous/recent girls. Sometimes though it's for the best I guess, because you never really can see a person for who they are, if you always try to put them in a favorable light. Some people are just ugly on the inside and to the core.
Right now, I have this new friend and she's cool I guess. However she's pretty awful, and I listen to her stories because it's nice to be able to vent to people, which she enjoys doing. However I can't agree with her methods at all, being someone who has been in a relationship/or whatever where your interest/significant other is also interested and/or flirty with another guy is horrible. She doesn't see anything wrong with it, and says "he" being the boyfriend is okay with it, though I know one of the guys through what she said isn't. Sometimes I want to tell her, she's a horrible person and to stop acting like a bitch, but then I know that she is just turned 18 and has alot to learn. I know I'm only twenty-five but I feel like I've matured in some way since I was 21 or so.
There is no girl that I'm interested in right now, I guess. I tend not to let loose ends dangle for too long, but then again I guess that's not true. I am intrigued by this one girl, who I thought my have liked me, but I also was taking cautious steps around because another friend of mines thought the same thing and was clearly wrong. She doesn't seem like the type of girl who will lead someone on, but I also tend to read to deeply into things, and I'm just putting the breaks on this one. She's cool, and I really like hanging out with her but I this would be one of those irregular situations where a girl would have been interested in me first. Point being...we are friends, but I'm taking notes. On the other hand there IS this girl that I like...however I doubt I will ever act upon because she seems out of my league. She's one of those girls who is cute, knows she's cute..but then at the same time she doesn't have a problem hanging around with me or acting silly. She hard to read, but I'm not too concerned about it. I will admire her and our time together but stay my distance I suppose.
and as with most of my post the gas in which I started with has started to thin out and I start to drift off into nonsensical ramblings, so I shall end it here.