My life is like a neverending medical drama
Sometimes I wonder if I had done something so bad in my previous life to be constantly tested time and time again.
On Friday I went for my appointment at the Spine clinic @ NUH to find out the results of my MRI & CT scan and of course the main cause of my persistent lower back pain. Turns out one of my pars (the connection between the vertebrae) never developed fully and therefore a part of my vertebra, specifically L51, is misaligned and has slipped forward. As a result the space that surrounds my nerves in that area has shrunk significantly and is the main reason as to why I feel pain and numbness spreading from the left side of my lower back, down my legs and to my toes. The medical term for my current condition is Spondylolysis and Spondylolisthesis
The doc had two options for me, either I don’t move at all or the inevitable option is to go for surgery. The first option is obviously a no brainer, I can’t possibly not move for the rest of my life, which leaves me with the 2nd option, surgery. During surgery (this is what I can remember from my conversation w/ my doctor), they will have to dig thru the scar tissues of my previous scoliosis surgery, push up my misaligned vertebrae and fuse the lower part of my spine by putting in screws so that it won’t move. Considering the upper part of my spine is already fused they might have a little difficulty getting to the affected area of my lower spine. Then there’s the issue of mobility after the surgery. Doc said I don’t really have much to worry about, even though I won’t have that much flexibility but at least I got one part of my spine and my hips for that. Hmm okay... Also according to the doc, the surgery won’t be as major as the previous one I had... Rrright.
No matter how many surgeries I have had before, it still doesn’t come as a comfort.
This surgery is not as urgent as when I was having heart failure back in 08’. I was told that I could choose whenever I want to do this surgery, it depends on how much and how long I can withstand the pain and according to the doc it is always better for me to do it when I am young and able to recover faster. Worse case scenario should I decide not to opt for surgery is that in future when my condition gets worse and the space around my nerves get even smaller, walking will be a very painful affair, even if i'm walking around the house. Then there's also the possiblity of slight paralysis. Which scares me the most especially after the episode about 2 weeks back when i had just alighted the bus on the way home and the whole of my left leg went numb and I couldn't even walk properly.
Should I go ahead and do this surgery it will be my 5th major surgery (3rd spine surgery) in a span of 12 years. Somehow even before I went to see the doc on Friday, I had a sinking feeling that surgery was going to be on the cards. Still even after I heard the news I was trying to hold back my tears. My life is like a never-ending medical nightmare. I am so tired trying to stay strong all the time. I wish I could be that girl that take everything in her stride and smile all the time, but sometimes even that girl needs a time off. Sometimes at times like this I wish I have someone to lean on for support, someone who will tell me that everything is going to be okay, someone who would simply hold my hand and without saying a word i can feel their support through their warmth.
The doc gave me until September to decide when I want to have this surgery. I have not fully decided yet. I am still at the stage where I stare into emptiness trying not think and when I fail at that I feel like I am about to break down and cry. It would be good if I could get away for awhile, step away from reality for just abit but as always I can’t seem to find anyone who’d want to go anywhere with me. I might have to KIV any plans I was thinking of having toward the year’s end and maybe go somewhere alone and get my thoughts straightened out before I make my final decision.
I might be MIA for awhile but I’m sure I won’t be missed.
On Friday I went for my appointment at the Spine clinic @ NUH to find out the results of my MRI & CT scan and of course the main cause of my persistent lower back pain. Turns out one of my pars (the connection between the vertebrae) never developed fully and therefore a part of my vertebra, specifically L51, is misaligned and has slipped forward. As a result the space that surrounds my nerves in that area has shrunk significantly and is the main reason as to why I feel pain and numbness spreading from the left side of my lower back, down my legs and to my toes. The medical term for my current condition is Spondylolysis and Spondylolisthesis
The doc had two options for me, either I don’t move at all or the inevitable option is to go for surgery. The first option is obviously a no brainer, I can’t possibly not move for the rest of my life, which leaves me with the 2nd option, surgery. During surgery (this is what I can remember from my conversation w/ my doctor), they will have to dig thru the scar tissues of my previous scoliosis surgery, push up my misaligned vertebrae and fuse the lower part of my spine by putting in screws so that it won’t move. Considering the upper part of my spine is already fused they might have a little difficulty getting to the affected area of my lower spine. Then there’s the issue of mobility after the surgery. Doc said I don’t really have much to worry about, even though I won’t have that much flexibility but at least I got one part of my spine and my hips for that. Hmm okay... Also according to the doc, the surgery won’t be as major as the previous one I had... Rrright.
No matter how many surgeries I have had before, it still doesn’t come as a comfort.
This surgery is not as urgent as when I was having heart failure back in 08’. I was told that I could choose whenever I want to do this surgery, it depends on how much and how long I can withstand the pain and according to the doc it is always better for me to do it when I am young and able to recover faster. Worse case scenario should I decide not to opt for surgery is that in future when my condition gets worse and the space around my nerves get even smaller, walking will be a very painful affair, even if i'm walking around the house. Then there's also the possiblity of slight paralysis. Which scares me the most especially after the episode about 2 weeks back when i had just alighted the bus on the way home and the whole of my left leg went numb and I couldn't even walk properly.
Should I go ahead and do this surgery it will be my 5th major surgery (3rd spine surgery) in a span of 12 years. Somehow even before I went to see the doc on Friday, I had a sinking feeling that surgery was going to be on the cards. Still even after I heard the news I was trying to hold back my tears. My life is like a never-ending medical nightmare. I am so tired trying to stay strong all the time. I wish I could be that girl that take everything in her stride and smile all the time, but sometimes even that girl needs a time off. Sometimes at times like this I wish I have someone to lean on for support, someone who will tell me that everything is going to be okay, someone who would simply hold my hand and without saying a word i can feel their support through their warmth.
The doc gave me until September to decide when I want to have this surgery. I have not fully decided yet. I am still at the stage where I stare into emptiness trying not think and when I fail at that I feel like I am about to break down and cry. It would be good if I could get away for awhile, step away from reality for just abit but as always I can’t seem to find anyone who’d want to go anywhere with me. I might have to KIV any plans I was thinking of having toward the year’s end and maybe go somewhere alone and get my thoughts straightened out before I make my final decision.
I might be MIA for awhile but I’m sure I won’t be missed.