In the market for a new best friend
Who: Aida, Essdara
Where: Bowl, HRW
When: Day 28, month 5
Comment: And, at last, the inevitable comes to pass. We never did find a way to salvage things, though there is a good chance things would have ended up this way anyway, given the girls' basic personalities.
Ah, warmth -- or what passes for it, at least. Aida's tasted real warmth by now instead of what the Reaches pretends at, but this is pretty good all the same. It seems that it isn't just snow that she likes to climb around in, but nicer weather too; as the sun sinks down on the horizon, she's got herself climbed up onto a boulder and is sitting on her jacket, cross-legged with a board on her lap and a hide on the board. Letter writing, or perhaps note writing -- something writing, at least.
Out of the caverns comes Essdara, walking into the sunshine with a bright smiles. She is strolling through the bowl, apparently without destination as she enjoys the summer evening. A pause, and a yawn, and she looks around herself as if to decide, in fact, which way she should be going.
Scrawl scrawl scrawl. Whatever she seems to be working on, it is apparently coming to her fairly easily, even if she is frowning down at it. Aida pauses after a few long moments to look up, to straighten from her hunch; to give a little stretch. There's a vague glance up towards the sinking sun, and a sweep of her gaze around the area-Essdara. She gives two heartbeats over to stillness, to watching the distant other girl, and then she's putting on a smile and lifting a hand to wave, to draw attention to herself. No shouting.
A movement, a silent attempt to get her attention. As Dara is open, looking for a destination, one is made available to her. She offers Aida a bright smile, and turns to move in her direction. Like Aida, she is wordless, coming to stop at the base of Aida's rock, looking up at her in quiet amusement.
"Hallo down below," Aida 'calls', though she doesn't have to lift her voice and is really only perched up at about shoulder height. She promptly starts packing up what she has with her, ink plugged, hide wrapped up, everything but the board stowed away into her jacket. "Isn't it lovely out today?"
Essdara grins brightly, turning around to lean her back against the rock. "A lovely day in a lovely week. I have no complaints other than that I can't enjoy it more than I manage to now." A look over her shoulder, "How have you been, Aida?"
Everything is, once it is packed up, set aside. Rather than climbing down though, Aida turns around to put her back towards Essdara, and scoots a few feet away, towards the center of the rock. 'Look! I'm ignoring you!' Except that she doesn't stay that way, instead leaning back all of the way carefully, flat onto her back on the rock with her shoulders just off the edge. It lets her head dangle upside down that way, and she can look over at Essdara. Grin. "I am going to eat once it's dark," she explains. "So that I can enjoy it. I have been..." She trails off. Pauses. Gives the question some good thought, given the furrow of her eyebrows. Then? She laughs. "Good. How are /you/ doing, huh?"
Essdara raises a hand to touch the head next to her, brushing lightly at the hair there. "I've been good, as well. Not seen you in a bit, though, we need to do something about that." A soft grin. "Since the hatching, but that's made a lot of my friends weird. But I am well and truly fine, I promise, so don't worry about that. I've heard a rumor, though, that Br'ce has resumed leading three-cee?"
"Do I look overly worried?" Aida sticks her tongue out, crossing her eyes -- the expression is gone a beat later, replaced again by her generally easy grin. "You don't look unhappy or heartbroken or whatnot, so I'm not going to get weird." Beat. "The rumor is correct; Br'ce took his knot back. They flew Fall yesterday! No injuries in their wing. Again."
"If you make faces like that, it'll get stuck that way." Dara quips, with a grin. "And I am glad for him. Things still go well? You are all healed up now, back to your normal busy routine?"
"It so will not," Aida counters, demonstrating this by making the face again. She holds it for two heartbeats, then laughs it away with a roll of her eyes. "Things still go well. I am all healed up, see?" Her formerly splinted wrist is dangled down for Dara's inspection; aside from what are still faint scars around the wrist, it appears all normal. "Back to my routine. Mostly. No long walks outside of the Weyr any more, which means more sitting out here, but no other significant changes. Busy as ever; it's been nice." Her cheeks do start to touch with red, care of the rush of blood, but she doesn't seem to be minding it. A little upside down time never hurt anyone. The dangling wrist reaches out so she can poke Dara in the shoulder. "How's things for you?"
Essdara chuckles, ruffling Aida's hair. "It's good enough. I'm back in my own routine. Cooking before dawn, till after lunch, then a bath... Some time with R'vain, when he can spare it, or elsewhere if not. Then time passes, and eventually I go to bed. In there, I see my friends, do my chores... It's a quiet routine, but I like it." Hand drops down. "I am glad you don't wander alone so much. Things are less tense, but I don't trust it."
"I don't wander alone at all," Aida clarifies, one shoulder...dropping and then lifting, in a shrug. She makes a face when her hair is ruffled, drags her hand up to tug the scarf covering it back into place. "There's almost always somebody watching me these days, though I'm not supposed to know it." Wink. "I'm glad you've got a good solid routine down, and that you like it. These things are important."
"We all have our watchers." Dara says, softly. "And it would seem they are needed. I am just glad you are ok." A nod to the last. "And it is good to have a routine, and people to pass the time with. I've come to realise, now a good chunk of them are away again, how important that is. Do you eat alone, in the evenings, Aida?"
"No, not usually?" Aida says, eyebrow climbing up (or down, technically) on her face. "I don't do much of anything alone, as I think I just said. Well, implied. I don't, though. I'll agree entirely that people are important. What's up, though?"
Essdara shakes her head, "Nothing critical, I assure you! Just a lack of company in my life around mealtimes, that's all. I was going to offer to perhaps join you now and again, if you would be interested?" A shrug, "If not, it's not a big deal, like I said.
Aida's smile briefly touches wry, though it settles back out to easy enough after a few heartbeats. "Sure thing," she says. "I'm certainly not going to complain at the opportunity to see you more. *Somehow*, I suspect I can manage to find the time. I'm not always the best of company at dinner, I will warn. I've...got a lot going on, as I'm sure you can imagine."
"I can't imagine." Essdara confesses, "But I encourage you to vent as you see fit, I'm a safe target for it." A soft grin, "After all, you know you aren't gonna scare me away easily, I hope, with a bit of crabbiness. A date, then, and I will save my dinners for you. It will give me something nice to relax with before R'vain gets his paws on me."
"I can't promise every day," Aida points out, letting her lashes drift 'down' to cover her eyes as her smile softens out considerably; lazy, relaxed. "Every few days, probably. I eat with Br'ce some days, work through dinner some days, and there's other stuff I do, too. Like today, skipping eating until later. Or...whatever." A little under the breath chuckle follows that. "It's not so much crabbiness or needing to vent as it is...complete exhaustion, at times. There are days I wind up barely able to think by the time I'm ready to take my evening meal."
"If it's a hassle, then don't worry about it. I know it wouldn't be every day, I'm not so arrogant as to think that. Simply... Seeing you, you know? We used to be best friends, after all." Eyes close, a deep breath taken. "Anyway. Seen the new weyrlings? A good class, over all." A soft laugh. "Even if Kianda tried to avoid R'vain, so she wouldn't have to cut her hair."
"It's not a hassle," Aida points out quietly, having gone unnaturally still at about the same moment that Dara took her deep breath. She's quiet for a moment after that first statement is made, and then she's letting out her own quiet chuckle...though it sounds strained. Forced. "I was there for the hatching; I don't know many of the Weyrlings, but the ones I do, they're good."
"They are." Dara agrees, cheer restored as they veer away from more dangerous topics. "I'm very happy with the choices. Even Syn... I think a couple turns as a Weyrling will be good for that one." An almost wicked smile. "R'vain will bring her into sharper focus with the world around her, which she can no longer hide from."
"It'll be good for her, and for...Kierom, whatever his name is now," Aida agrees quietly, reaching out her hands to set them on the edge of the rock, using them to arch herself up and away from being upside down. She wavers a little bit, blinking rapidly at the dizzy that can't quite help but manifest. "Glad you're happy with it."
"I am." She says, firmly. "It will be good for them all, and they are all fine pairs. Even R'vain seems to feel this is a good batch, if heavy on the girls." A stretch, stepping away from the rock. "I think, in fact, I will go and see them in a little bit, see how they are holding up. Especially N'tai, with his eye."
Dead silence there, for a long moment. Aida is attending to her dizzy head, see. Her hand eventually drops from her temple though, and she chuckles again, shifting around and scooting about until she's facing forward again, legs dropping over the edge of the rock to dangle over. It's only then that she speaks. "Thankfully, his eye itself is okay," she says quietly, her own gaze getting lost off in the distance somewhere. "It's just his face, but he seems to be doing okay with it. He's got a lot to adjust to."
Essdara nods. "He does, they all do. But he's gotten a large compensation for what he may have lost." A smile over at her. "He's very fond of you. I didn't really even know you knew him."
Stare. At the rock. Across the way. It will serve as a grounding point. This is what Aida does, her smile fading though it's not replaced with a frown, at least. Please ignore the slight tension creeping into her shoulders. "Yeah," she says. "I know him. We talked about how worried I was, about him standing?" Her bad hand is slid in, absently drifting to the scarf she wears at her midsection, fingers curling up in it, clutching at it. "We're good friends."
"I meant before that." Dara clarifies. "But yeah. So he said, when we had chance to talk. He's a good person, I like him a lot." A stretch. "I think I am going now, Aida. Enjoy your dinner, ok? Lemme know when we can get together."
"I like him a lot too," Aida states a little too quietly, and then snaps her attention back from the rock to lock her eyes on Dara. "What did he tell you?" The hand wrapped in the scarf tightens around it considerably.
Essdara meets her gaze steadily. "Do you really want to know the answer to that, Aida?" A soft shake of her head. "He's a good man, Aida. And he's going to be an amazing rider. And for the next turn and a half, two turns... That's all he'll have time to be. What he said before Impressing no longer matters."
Blink. Blink. Whatever she was expecting out of the other girl, that wasn't it. Aida's head tilts to the side, the initial startle replaced by something skeptical on her face, one eyebrow lifting. The eye contact is held for a few moments before she consciously and obviously breaks it, turning her head away slowly so she can glance off towards the wall of the bowl in the other direction. "That was offensive," she points out quietly. "For so many reasons. Or did you mean for it to be that way?"
A sigh, weary and sad. "It may ahve been, I don't know. If so, I'm sorry." A slight smile, without any happiness. "Almost got away without arguing, too." She looks up. "I'm not going to answer, Aida. There's nothing I can say that isn't going to get me in more trouble. Just let me leave and forget you even saw me."
"I don't know why you brought him up at all," Aida says quietly, now dropping her eyes to the hand that's curled up in the scarf. It's studied with a distant look of vague puzzlement, like it's somebody else's fingers on the cloth and she's wondering why they're there, or something. "I'm not trying to argue. I'm trying to figure out what's up, here. When this conversation went from 'hey, cool, we're talking again' to you treating me like a beast that's about to leap and bite your leg, or something." Her eyes swing up, settling on Dara's face again. "It feels like we're just going through the motions. Do you even *like* me, any more?"
Or, apparently, not. She turns to look at Aida from a short distance away. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. Why'd I bring him up? Dunno. Looking for some common ground, maybe, something I can talk to you about and actually be able to relate, I guess." A shrug. "My turn, I guess. Do you like me, Aida? And if so, how? What am I, now, other than an annoyance?"
"Right now?" Aida asks, lazily pushing forward off of her hands and dropping down to land lightly on her feet on the ground. Her arms come up, crossing lightly over her chest. "Right now, you're frustrating and awkward. Like you're waiting for me to do something, or you expect something, or you want something but you won't say what it is. I don't know what you are, any more. You walked away from me, remember?" She doesn't sound angry, at least; her voice is calm, her tone fairly reasonable. "Right at the moment? No, I don't like you much. Doesn't mean I don't care. Doesn't mean I don't /want/ to be friends, because I /do/. But you don't make it very easy on me."
Essdara sighs and shakes her head, "I walked away because of this, here, Aida. When was the last time we didn't argue? When was the last time either of us got anything pleasant from each other?" She looks at Aida, eyes hurt. "I try very hard, Aida. I watch most of what I say. I think about it, over and over again, before I say just about anything. And I still can't not upset you. It's been like this from the day we met. There was a time, beautiful and lovely, where we were close. Then, well. We've got different lives now, and I don't know either of us has the energy to try to make the other happy." She starts to turn to face away, but stops herself, instead keeping eye contact. "You don't make it very easy either, Aida. This isn't one sided."
"Used to be, we'd argue, and you'd be okay with that," Aida says, some light going out of her eyes as her expression slides towards neutral; her tone doesn't change, but oh, her eyes do. "Used to be, you didn't try so hard. Used to be I didn't watch everything I said, for fear of upset, or hurting, or being accused of any number of things." She lifts her shoulders, drops them. "I don't know if we're capable of making each other happy. It's not one sided, no. I can't blame this all on you, and I'm not. But I won't take full accountability for it, either. It takes two to make it work, Essdara. If we're both trying, and we're both failing, there's something wrong here. But I damn well can't figure out what happened."
"We seem to both be trying. We seem to both be failing. I don't know what that leaves." Dara says, voice full of sadness. "Dunno that I was ever as ok with it as you think, but I did get used to it not being there, for a brief time." A sigh. "I don't know what happened, Aida, I really don't. I just can't shake the feeling of being... I dunno. Inferior. The little kid you tolerate, pat on the head, then send away. And that's not your fault, that's mine. I know it's silly, but I can't seem to not feel... Discarded." A shrug. "Maybe, Aida, we really should stop trying. For both our sakes."
This is considered for a long moment in silence; Aida's expression holds the way it is save for her eyes going out of focus (a symptom of contemplation). Eventually, she exhales a soft sigh, gives a little shake of her head, and refocuses. Understanding seems to dawn in those eyes, but it doesn't seem to be pleasant, either -- her lips curve down into a slight frown on its heels. "I've done what I can to pull you with me," she states quietly, her own voice touching with something faintly sad. "But I can't do enough. I don't think this is going to work out, Essdara. Regardless of how much I might want it to. I think I understand...what the issue is. It's a fatal one." Her shoulders are lifted in another shrug. "Not your fault, not mine. It's just who we are."
Essdara nods, softly. "Who we are." She echoes, in agreement. "I do consider you a friend, Aida. I always will. But... I don't think it's going to work out, either. And I think we've both known that for a while now. It's a shame we couldn't face it while there was more to be salvaged. I'm sorry for that." A slow exhale of breath. "We tried. We can say that much, at least."
"If you ever have need of me, you have but to ask," Aida agrees quietly, a wan smile curving her lips up again. "We did try, but sometimes wanting something isn't enough to make it so. I'm sure our paths will eventually meet again; I don't think this is forever."
Essdara shakes her head, slowly. "I rather think it is, Aida." She says, softly. "There's no room for someone like me where you are, and where you are going. You know I'll always be here, always willing to help. But I'm not the kind of person you turn to when you need it." Her smile almost, almost has a hard edge to it. "I guess that's part of it, Aida. Much as I might need you, you've never needed me. And that's an imbalance that is only getting worse, and will continue to do so."
"No, Essdara; there is plenty of room for someone like you in my life," Aida corrects gently, her voice and smile both softening as she shakes her head -- the affection is allowed to creep into her expression there, a hint of fondness visible. "The problem is that there is simply no way that I can prove that to you. I can't paint the sky green, and I can't fix this." An exhaled sigh, and her lashes drift down to cloak her eyes. "I can't argue that point, either. As much as I would like to, you're very right. I...have tried to lean, but it is not something that I can force of myself. I am sorry, Essdara. I am very sorry." Lashes lift again, her eyes settling back on the other girl's face. "I have my own issues, and they are no more your fault than yours are mine; I may overcome them someday. There is no saying where our roads will go from here. I will not say good-bye, though. I will say 'until we meet again'."
Essdara's smile is bitter as she echoes those words, a simple parting. "Until we meet again, then, Aida." She watches Aida, eyes damp, for more than a few moments, slowly looking her over. Then, after a last memorising glance, she turns, resolutely walking away.
Exhaling another quiet sigh, Aida shifts on her feet and steps back, letting her weight rest up against the rock behind her. Her arms stay up over her chest, her eyes staying on the other girl as she walks away until she's out of sight. Only then does her head tilt back against the rock, her eyes closing. No tears, no superficial upset...just a heavier lean.
Where: Bowl, HRW
When: Day 28, month 5
Comment: And, at last, the inevitable comes to pass. We never did find a way to salvage things, though there is a good chance things would have ended up this way anyway, given the girls' basic personalities.
Ah, warmth -- or what passes for it, at least. Aida's tasted real warmth by now instead of what the Reaches pretends at, but this is pretty good all the same. It seems that it isn't just snow that she likes to climb around in, but nicer weather too; as the sun sinks down on the horizon, she's got herself climbed up onto a boulder and is sitting on her jacket, cross-legged with a board on her lap and a hide on the board. Letter writing, or perhaps note writing -- something writing, at least.
Out of the caverns comes Essdara, walking into the sunshine with a bright smiles. She is strolling through the bowl, apparently without destination as she enjoys the summer evening. A pause, and a yawn, and she looks around herself as if to decide, in fact, which way she should be going.
Scrawl scrawl scrawl. Whatever she seems to be working on, it is apparently coming to her fairly easily, even if she is frowning down at it. Aida pauses after a few long moments to look up, to straighten from her hunch; to give a little stretch. There's a vague glance up towards the sinking sun, and a sweep of her gaze around the area-Essdara. She gives two heartbeats over to stillness, to watching the distant other girl, and then she's putting on a smile and lifting a hand to wave, to draw attention to herself. No shouting.
A movement, a silent attempt to get her attention. As Dara is open, looking for a destination, one is made available to her. She offers Aida a bright smile, and turns to move in her direction. Like Aida, she is wordless, coming to stop at the base of Aida's rock, looking up at her in quiet amusement.
"Hallo down below," Aida 'calls', though she doesn't have to lift her voice and is really only perched up at about shoulder height. She promptly starts packing up what she has with her, ink plugged, hide wrapped up, everything but the board stowed away into her jacket. "Isn't it lovely out today?"
Essdara grins brightly, turning around to lean her back against the rock. "A lovely day in a lovely week. I have no complaints other than that I can't enjoy it more than I manage to now." A look over her shoulder, "How have you been, Aida?"
Everything is, once it is packed up, set aside. Rather than climbing down though, Aida turns around to put her back towards Essdara, and scoots a few feet away, towards the center of the rock. 'Look! I'm ignoring you!' Except that she doesn't stay that way, instead leaning back all of the way carefully, flat onto her back on the rock with her shoulders just off the edge. It lets her head dangle upside down that way, and she can look over at Essdara. Grin. "I am going to eat once it's dark," she explains. "So that I can enjoy it. I have been..." She trails off. Pauses. Gives the question some good thought, given the furrow of her eyebrows. Then? She laughs. "Good. How are /you/ doing, huh?"
Essdara raises a hand to touch the head next to her, brushing lightly at the hair there. "I've been good, as well. Not seen you in a bit, though, we need to do something about that." A soft grin. "Since the hatching, but that's made a lot of my friends weird. But I am well and truly fine, I promise, so don't worry about that. I've heard a rumor, though, that Br'ce has resumed leading three-cee?"
"Do I look overly worried?" Aida sticks her tongue out, crossing her eyes -- the expression is gone a beat later, replaced again by her generally easy grin. "You don't look unhappy or heartbroken or whatnot, so I'm not going to get weird." Beat. "The rumor is correct; Br'ce took his knot back. They flew Fall yesterday! No injuries in their wing. Again."
"If you make faces like that, it'll get stuck that way." Dara quips, with a grin. "And I am glad for him. Things still go well? You are all healed up now, back to your normal busy routine?"
"It so will not," Aida counters, demonstrating this by making the face again. She holds it for two heartbeats, then laughs it away with a roll of her eyes. "Things still go well. I am all healed up, see?" Her formerly splinted wrist is dangled down for Dara's inspection; aside from what are still faint scars around the wrist, it appears all normal. "Back to my routine. Mostly. No long walks outside of the Weyr any more, which means more sitting out here, but no other significant changes. Busy as ever; it's been nice." Her cheeks do start to touch with red, care of the rush of blood, but she doesn't seem to be minding it. A little upside down time never hurt anyone. The dangling wrist reaches out so she can poke Dara in the shoulder. "How's things for you?"
Essdara chuckles, ruffling Aida's hair. "It's good enough. I'm back in my own routine. Cooking before dawn, till after lunch, then a bath... Some time with R'vain, when he can spare it, or elsewhere if not. Then time passes, and eventually I go to bed. In there, I see my friends, do my chores... It's a quiet routine, but I like it." Hand drops down. "I am glad you don't wander alone so much. Things are less tense, but I don't trust it."
"I don't wander alone at all," Aida clarifies, one shoulder...dropping and then lifting, in a shrug. She makes a face when her hair is ruffled, drags her hand up to tug the scarf covering it back into place. "There's almost always somebody watching me these days, though I'm not supposed to know it." Wink. "I'm glad you've got a good solid routine down, and that you like it. These things are important."
"We all have our watchers." Dara says, softly. "And it would seem they are needed. I am just glad you are ok." A nod to the last. "And it is good to have a routine, and people to pass the time with. I've come to realise, now a good chunk of them are away again, how important that is. Do you eat alone, in the evenings, Aida?"
"No, not usually?" Aida says, eyebrow climbing up (or down, technically) on her face. "I don't do much of anything alone, as I think I just said. Well, implied. I don't, though. I'll agree entirely that people are important. What's up, though?"
Essdara shakes her head, "Nothing critical, I assure you! Just a lack of company in my life around mealtimes, that's all. I was going to offer to perhaps join you now and again, if you would be interested?" A shrug, "If not, it's not a big deal, like I said.
Aida's smile briefly touches wry, though it settles back out to easy enough after a few heartbeats. "Sure thing," she says. "I'm certainly not going to complain at the opportunity to see you more. *Somehow*, I suspect I can manage to find the time. I'm not always the best of company at dinner, I will warn. I've...got a lot going on, as I'm sure you can imagine."
"I can't imagine." Essdara confesses, "But I encourage you to vent as you see fit, I'm a safe target for it." A soft grin, "After all, you know you aren't gonna scare me away easily, I hope, with a bit of crabbiness. A date, then, and I will save my dinners for you. It will give me something nice to relax with before R'vain gets his paws on me."
"I can't promise every day," Aida points out, letting her lashes drift 'down' to cover her eyes as her smile softens out considerably; lazy, relaxed. "Every few days, probably. I eat with Br'ce some days, work through dinner some days, and there's other stuff I do, too. Like today, skipping eating until later. Or...whatever." A little under the breath chuckle follows that. "It's not so much crabbiness or needing to vent as it is...complete exhaustion, at times. There are days I wind up barely able to think by the time I'm ready to take my evening meal."
"If it's a hassle, then don't worry about it. I know it wouldn't be every day, I'm not so arrogant as to think that. Simply... Seeing you, you know? We used to be best friends, after all." Eyes close, a deep breath taken. "Anyway. Seen the new weyrlings? A good class, over all." A soft laugh. "Even if Kianda tried to avoid R'vain, so she wouldn't have to cut her hair."
"It's not a hassle," Aida points out quietly, having gone unnaturally still at about the same moment that Dara took her deep breath. She's quiet for a moment after that first statement is made, and then she's letting out her own quiet chuckle...though it sounds strained. Forced. "I was there for the hatching; I don't know many of the Weyrlings, but the ones I do, they're good."
"They are." Dara agrees, cheer restored as they veer away from more dangerous topics. "I'm very happy with the choices. Even Syn... I think a couple turns as a Weyrling will be good for that one." An almost wicked smile. "R'vain will bring her into sharper focus with the world around her, which she can no longer hide from."
"It'll be good for her, and for...Kierom, whatever his name is now," Aida agrees quietly, reaching out her hands to set them on the edge of the rock, using them to arch herself up and away from being upside down. She wavers a little bit, blinking rapidly at the dizzy that can't quite help but manifest. "Glad you're happy with it."
"I am." She says, firmly. "It will be good for them all, and they are all fine pairs. Even R'vain seems to feel this is a good batch, if heavy on the girls." A stretch, stepping away from the rock. "I think, in fact, I will go and see them in a little bit, see how they are holding up. Especially N'tai, with his eye."
Dead silence there, for a long moment. Aida is attending to her dizzy head, see. Her hand eventually drops from her temple though, and she chuckles again, shifting around and scooting about until she's facing forward again, legs dropping over the edge of the rock to dangle over. It's only then that she speaks. "Thankfully, his eye itself is okay," she says quietly, her own gaze getting lost off in the distance somewhere. "It's just his face, but he seems to be doing okay with it. He's got a lot to adjust to."
Essdara nods. "He does, they all do. But he's gotten a large compensation for what he may have lost." A smile over at her. "He's very fond of you. I didn't really even know you knew him."
Stare. At the rock. Across the way. It will serve as a grounding point. This is what Aida does, her smile fading though it's not replaced with a frown, at least. Please ignore the slight tension creeping into her shoulders. "Yeah," she says. "I know him. We talked about how worried I was, about him standing?" Her bad hand is slid in, absently drifting to the scarf she wears at her midsection, fingers curling up in it, clutching at it. "We're good friends."
"I meant before that." Dara clarifies. "But yeah. So he said, when we had chance to talk. He's a good person, I like him a lot." A stretch. "I think I am going now, Aida. Enjoy your dinner, ok? Lemme know when we can get together."
"I like him a lot too," Aida states a little too quietly, and then snaps her attention back from the rock to lock her eyes on Dara. "What did he tell you?" The hand wrapped in the scarf tightens around it considerably.
Essdara meets her gaze steadily. "Do you really want to know the answer to that, Aida?" A soft shake of her head. "He's a good man, Aida. And he's going to be an amazing rider. And for the next turn and a half, two turns... That's all he'll have time to be. What he said before Impressing no longer matters."
Blink. Blink. Whatever she was expecting out of the other girl, that wasn't it. Aida's head tilts to the side, the initial startle replaced by something skeptical on her face, one eyebrow lifting. The eye contact is held for a few moments before she consciously and obviously breaks it, turning her head away slowly so she can glance off towards the wall of the bowl in the other direction. "That was offensive," she points out quietly. "For so many reasons. Or did you mean for it to be that way?"
A sigh, weary and sad. "It may ahve been, I don't know. If so, I'm sorry." A slight smile, without any happiness. "Almost got away without arguing, too." She looks up. "I'm not going to answer, Aida. There's nothing I can say that isn't going to get me in more trouble. Just let me leave and forget you even saw me."
"I don't know why you brought him up at all," Aida says quietly, now dropping her eyes to the hand that's curled up in the scarf. It's studied with a distant look of vague puzzlement, like it's somebody else's fingers on the cloth and she's wondering why they're there, or something. "I'm not trying to argue. I'm trying to figure out what's up, here. When this conversation went from 'hey, cool, we're talking again' to you treating me like a beast that's about to leap and bite your leg, or something." Her eyes swing up, settling on Dara's face again. "It feels like we're just going through the motions. Do you even *like* me, any more?"
Or, apparently, not. She turns to look at Aida from a short distance away. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. Why'd I bring him up? Dunno. Looking for some common ground, maybe, something I can talk to you about and actually be able to relate, I guess." A shrug. "My turn, I guess. Do you like me, Aida? And if so, how? What am I, now, other than an annoyance?"
"Right now?" Aida asks, lazily pushing forward off of her hands and dropping down to land lightly on her feet on the ground. Her arms come up, crossing lightly over her chest. "Right now, you're frustrating and awkward. Like you're waiting for me to do something, or you expect something, or you want something but you won't say what it is. I don't know what you are, any more. You walked away from me, remember?" She doesn't sound angry, at least; her voice is calm, her tone fairly reasonable. "Right at the moment? No, I don't like you much. Doesn't mean I don't care. Doesn't mean I don't /want/ to be friends, because I /do/. But you don't make it very easy on me."
Essdara sighs and shakes her head, "I walked away because of this, here, Aida. When was the last time we didn't argue? When was the last time either of us got anything pleasant from each other?" She looks at Aida, eyes hurt. "I try very hard, Aida. I watch most of what I say. I think about it, over and over again, before I say just about anything. And I still can't not upset you. It's been like this from the day we met. There was a time, beautiful and lovely, where we were close. Then, well. We've got different lives now, and I don't know either of us has the energy to try to make the other happy." She starts to turn to face away, but stops herself, instead keeping eye contact. "You don't make it very easy either, Aida. This isn't one sided."
"Used to be, we'd argue, and you'd be okay with that," Aida says, some light going out of her eyes as her expression slides towards neutral; her tone doesn't change, but oh, her eyes do. "Used to be, you didn't try so hard. Used to be I didn't watch everything I said, for fear of upset, or hurting, or being accused of any number of things." She lifts her shoulders, drops them. "I don't know if we're capable of making each other happy. It's not one sided, no. I can't blame this all on you, and I'm not. But I won't take full accountability for it, either. It takes two to make it work, Essdara. If we're both trying, and we're both failing, there's something wrong here. But I damn well can't figure out what happened."
"We seem to both be trying. We seem to both be failing. I don't know what that leaves." Dara says, voice full of sadness. "Dunno that I was ever as ok with it as you think, but I did get used to it not being there, for a brief time." A sigh. "I don't know what happened, Aida, I really don't. I just can't shake the feeling of being... I dunno. Inferior. The little kid you tolerate, pat on the head, then send away. And that's not your fault, that's mine. I know it's silly, but I can't seem to not feel... Discarded." A shrug. "Maybe, Aida, we really should stop trying. For both our sakes."
This is considered for a long moment in silence; Aida's expression holds the way it is save for her eyes going out of focus (a symptom of contemplation). Eventually, she exhales a soft sigh, gives a little shake of her head, and refocuses. Understanding seems to dawn in those eyes, but it doesn't seem to be pleasant, either -- her lips curve down into a slight frown on its heels. "I've done what I can to pull you with me," she states quietly, her own voice touching with something faintly sad. "But I can't do enough. I don't think this is going to work out, Essdara. Regardless of how much I might want it to. I think I understand...what the issue is. It's a fatal one." Her shoulders are lifted in another shrug. "Not your fault, not mine. It's just who we are."
Essdara nods, softly. "Who we are." She echoes, in agreement. "I do consider you a friend, Aida. I always will. But... I don't think it's going to work out, either. And I think we've both known that for a while now. It's a shame we couldn't face it while there was more to be salvaged. I'm sorry for that." A slow exhale of breath. "We tried. We can say that much, at least."
"If you ever have need of me, you have but to ask," Aida agrees quietly, a wan smile curving her lips up again. "We did try, but sometimes wanting something isn't enough to make it so. I'm sure our paths will eventually meet again; I don't think this is forever."
Essdara shakes her head, slowly. "I rather think it is, Aida." She says, softly. "There's no room for someone like me where you are, and where you are going. You know I'll always be here, always willing to help. But I'm not the kind of person you turn to when you need it." Her smile almost, almost has a hard edge to it. "I guess that's part of it, Aida. Much as I might need you, you've never needed me. And that's an imbalance that is only getting worse, and will continue to do so."
"No, Essdara; there is plenty of room for someone like you in my life," Aida corrects gently, her voice and smile both softening as she shakes her head -- the affection is allowed to creep into her expression there, a hint of fondness visible. "The problem is that there is simply no way that I can prove that to you. I can't paint the sky green, and I can't fix this." An exhaled sigh, and her lashes drift down to cloak her eyes. "I can't argue that point, either. As much as I would like to, you're very right. I...have tried to lean, but it is not something that I can force of myself. I am sorry, Essdara. I am very sorry." Lashes lift again, her eyes settling back on the other girl's face. "I have my own issues, and they are no more your fault than yours are mine; I may overcome them someday. There is no saying where our roads will go from here. I will not say good-bye, though. I will say 'until we meet again'."
Essdara's smile is bitter as she echoes those words, a simple parting. "Until we meet again, then, Aida." She watches Aida, eyes damp, for more than a few moments, slowly looking her over. Then, after a last memorising glance, she turns, resolutely walking away.
Exhaling another quiet sigh, Aida shifts on her feet and steps back, letting her weight rest up against the rock behind her. Her arms stay up over her chest, her eyes staying on the other girl as she walks away until she's out of sight. Only then does her head tilt back against the rock, her eyes closing. No tears, no superficial upset...just a heavier lean.