Happiness and drama
Who: Aida, Essdara
Where: Dorms, Baths, Dorms again
When: Night
Comment: Aida wakes Dara up to gush about her night. Dara is happy for her, but jealous, and they talk
Poor Dara. Actually getting sleep one night when there is an Aida dropping down onto the edge of her cot and reaching to shakeshakeshake her awake. "Dara," she hisses. "Dara, wake /up/." Insistent, if quiet.
One eye opens to look at Aida sleepily. "Wha? It's morning already?" She mumbles. Rolling onto her side, she gives a big yawn. "Hrmph, feels like I just fell asleep."
"It's not morning," Aida whispers, letting go of Dara's shoulder as she sits up. "Wake up. I need to talk to you." She looks like she's probably tired in there somewhere, but wow there is so much awake, still.
That catches her ear and her eyes open more fully. "Aida? You ok?" She sits up and looks her friend over, glancing around the cavern. "What're you doing back here, I didn't think I'd see you till morning!"
"Yes, I'm okay," Aida states, positively beaming at the other girl. She gets up, reaching to try and grab hold of Dara's arm to haul her up and to her feet. "C'mon, get up." Beat. "And...and...and of course it's not morning yet!" That's a little bit indignant. "I wasn't going to stay there, I mean, that's the first..." Oh, that's a dark look.
Essdara stands with her, still a bit groggy but trying hard to keep up. "The first what, and where are we going? And what happened, and was he nice and I want details here!"
"Somewhere /quiet/," Aida says. Like, you know, this isn't quiet. Of course, there are sleeping people, so maybe that has something to do with it. "I think he likes me."
"Duh, I know that much!" Dara says. "The lounge, or somewhere /really/ quiet like the baths or galleries?"
"Baths!" Aida finally lets go of Dara's arm, scooting around to her own cot to grab up a change of clothes. Then she's darting back to the end of Dara's cot, giving a bounce in place. Someone is eager to /go/. "C'mon!"
Essdara follows; as she wakes up, she's just as eager.
(( They move to the baths ))
Essdara follows her friend into the bathing caverns; at this time of night, they are the only occupants. Finding somewhere to sit that isn't wet, Dara grins at Aida. "So... He likes you. I mean, I knew that already when he tried to get me to tell him about you before you got there..."
Zoom. Aida darts on in here, heading for one of the benches to drop down and start hauling off her boots. "He tried to get you to tell him about me?" She asks a bit wide-eyed, once she's given a good look around the place to make sure they're as dead as they ought to be. "He actually kissed me! He was /so/ sweet, Dara. I just...I don't know what to /do/."
Essdara snorts softy, "Relax and enjoy it? It's good to see you find someone that piques your interest! Details, though love, details! Start from when I left, what happened? When did he kiss you? Did you like it?"
"It was really awkward," Aida says, seeming to calm down at least a little bit. Boots are discarded, and she starts scooting out of her clothes, grabbing up a robe to get it on before all clothing is off. It's a juggling process, but one she's good enough at. "I mean...I was so nervous, I could hardly talk. I don't even remember what we were talking about, but he...oh, yeah. A cold. He was under the weather, so I offered to get him some tea, and he asked if I wanted to go up to his weyr and look at the maps, and so we did. And he kissed me after I was going on about how nervous I was and /yes/ I liked it except it made my brain turn off and I swear I thought I was going to fall over."
Essdara giggles softly, with a warm smile. "It sounds lovely, Aida, I'm very happy for you! He seems really nice from what I saw of him, I liked him. I'm sorry I ran out like that, but... It seemed like you two would be better off alone. Aparently I was right!"
"We really weren't," Aida points out, blushing a bit as she slides up to her feet and paces for one of the actual baths. "I...don't think I've ever been so awkward talking to somebody in my life. He's going to take me to Southern Boll!"
Essdara chuckles, "I hear it's lovely there. Roa brought me back some lovely orange fruits when she came back from her trip there." She watches her friend with amusement. "Congratulations, love."
"I swear my brain has just shut off, though. Is that normal?" Aida asks, slipping forward and down into the heat of the water, sinking up to her neck. Water. Relax. Maybe it will calm her down. "T'rel and Ginella -- apparently friends of his? -- stopped in and interrupted us, but he put his hand on my shoulder and gave them both a 'you better be nice' sort of look."
Essdara shakes her head, "I wouldn't know, dearheart, I've never kissed anyone I actually cared about. In this, I'll be the one asking you for advice someday. T'ral? He's nice, I like him. I hope, though, Br'ce's weyr is neater than his! T'ral's made my skin crawl, and then he offered me food of... Dubious quality."
"No, I mean, completely shut off. Right now. I feel like...a giggling little girl." Aida points out, twisting around to set her chin on the edge of the pool so she can look up towards Essdara. "I just want to squeal and giggle and blush. It's /very/ undignified. And Br'ce's weyr was absolutely perfectly neat and organized. Labeled, it was so organized." Blink. Blink.
Essdara grins, "I don't think it's unusual, love. I think I'd feel much the same, were I you. It sounds like it was a wonderful evening for you both, you are a good match. I'm proud of you for finding him... And not letting him go!"
"He says the sweetest things," Aida admits, her expression finally calming, a lazy smile touching her lips. "It was just...I never could've imagined this. I have /no/ idea how it happened. Just...wow." She laughs, softly. "I'm sorry for waking you up. I just...had to talk to you. I don't...it's /scary/, you know that?"
Essdara nods a little bit. "It's ok, Aida. I'm always here for you, you know that. I've woken you up my fair share of times, and it's wonderful to be good news, not you crying about how terrible he was. And... Love is scarey. It scares me more than I can say, and I'm not even really with anyone!"
Blink. Blink. Blink. Aida goes owl-eyed up at Dara, expression dumbounded. "I don't know if it's..." She trails off. Squeaks. "Oh."
Essdara tilts her head. "What did you think it was? It it were just lust, you'd've probably felt like him like you do for me, no?"
"No, it's not just lust!" Aida immediately declares, shaking her head rapidly. "It's not like that at all. I just...I don't know what it is. I like him a /lot/. Love is scary, though. Oh man." More blinking. "I wasn't going to get into any of this."
Essdara grins a little, "It doesn't give you a choice. I wasn't looking for it when I met Roa. So you're already one up on where I was when I learned it was unavoidable. At least he likes you back."
"I really think he does," Aida admits, getting another dopey little smile on her face. "I always thought I'd...that it would be different. I thought the implication that it'd interest me /so funny/. And then wham, out of nowhere."
Essdara laughs softly, "It suits you, dearheart. I don't think I've ever seen you so... Happy. I'd found myself wondering if you knew what it was. I look forward to seeing where it goes, even if I am sure it will be syrupy sweet enough to make my teeth hurt!"
"He's going to take me to wherever I want to go," Aida says, her voice touching down to a hushed sort of awe as she looks up at Dara, again wide-eyed with wonder. "We're going to make a list of the places on the map, and go to them one by one. I can't...I mean, I never imagined it. Ever. I thought I'd have to give up seeing everything with Threadfall, because I can't walk everywhere any more. But...I get to see it. All of it. And he promised he wouldn't hurt me, that he wanted..." Okay, there's the little giggle. "To protect and cherish me. How could I not be happy?"
Essdara gives her friend a tender smile. "How could you not? It's wonderful to find someone who wants to do that for you." She laughs softly, "I am not sure what else to say other than that I think it's wonderful, and am happy for you. Because it is."
"I'm babbling," Aida states, making a horrid face. "Like a little girl. I can't /believe/ this." She rolls her eyes and sits up, then leans forward to dunk her head under the water. There is a bit of sputtering when she comes up, and both hands lift to push her hair and the water out of her face.
Essdara just smiles, quietly watching her intoxicated friend, amusement and pleasure for her friend in her expression.
Once she's gotten the water out of her face, Aida exhales a sigh, then scoots over to grab some of the cleaning sand to start scrubbing herself off here and there. "I will eventually calm down," she points out. "Sorry. I'm just all spinning, still. It's so /scary/, Dara. I mean...I don't have any idea what to do. How to make sure he knows I like him, too. Or anything."
Essdara laughs softly. "He knows, I think. I think most of the weyr does right now. But... Just spend time with him. Go places with him, talk to him, say nice things about him... What says love more than spending time with someone?"
"Most of the weyr knows?" Aida goes wide-eyed again, blinking up at the other girl. "What do you mean, most of the wyer knows? Are people talking about it?"
Essdara rolls her eyes, "Not literally! Geeze, did you leave your sarcasm behind, too, Aida? Who would know this quickly? Who'd care, for that matter?" She sighs. "Noone knows, and noone is talking about it. I promise."
Aida opens her mouth, then shuts it again, looking chagrined. "I told you, my brain doesn't work right now. It's totally just...shut off. I swear." A shake of her head. "This is frightening. I'm sorry. Just...need to breathe. I wish we hadn't gotten interrupted."
"So do I." Dara says, softly. "You deserved more time alone with him. And I'd still be asleep." A sweet smile.
"I'm sorry," Aida ducks her head, blush touching her cheeks. "I shouldn't have woken you up. I just...I didn't know what else to do. I won't wake you up like that again. Are you okay?" Sudden concern touches her expression, worry clear on her face. Right now, the controls on her expression are just /gone/.
Essdara tilts her head, smiling again. "Don't be sorry, Aida, it's wonderful news and I am glad you woke me up. And of course I am ok, why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know," Aida says, shrugging a shoulder and starting to rinse herself off carefully, her expression settling back out to something much more normal for her. The worst of the hyper has gone, it seems. Just like that. "I so wish I knew how this happened, I really do. This was /not/ in the plan."
Essdara says, "Sometimes, it's good for things to be unplanned. Otherwise, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it?"
"I don't know," Aida says, rinsing her hair out and then moving over to slide up and out of the pool to perch on the edge of it and let herself drip dry, some. "I like my plans. They've done me good up to now." A quiet laugh. "Oh well. I'm going to have to replan, I guess. This, at least, has made it /certain/ that I'm not going anywhere any time soon. I'd thought about trying to make it to Healer Hall, but I really didn't want to leave you, or here. I think this really sinks it, huh?"
Essdara grins slightly and stands. "I guess it does, at that. You don't have a bad life here, and this will make it a whole lot nicer. So... New plans sound like a good idea."
"I like it here," Aida says, shaking her head. "I've got a life now. I just...well, have to figure out what I can do. Here. With myself." A headshake. "Anyway. I think I may have found a combination that will help you sleep better. Not that I am any good for that right now, for which I am sorry. I tested it out the other night, and it left me groggy in the morning, but not too bad."
Essdara laughs softly, "Thank you, I'm sure I will be needing it all too soon. You ready to go back to bed, or is there anything else you want to do or talk about?"
Aida gives a little shake of her head, hands lifting to squeeze out her hair. "I'll...I think I've talked your ear off, for now, huh?" She offers up an apologetic little smile. "Are you going to be able to get back to sleep? I'm really sorry. I wasn't thinking. At all."
"Stop apologising!" Dara says, a touch harshly. "I've said it is fine, and I am glad you did. Just trust me, ok? But I am ready to go back to sleep, yes. I think I will be able to."
Aida blinks a few times, but gives a rapid little nod of her head. "Okay," she says. "I'm...going to drip dry for a little bit longer, and then I'll be in. Thank you."
Essdara nods, and gives her a quick hug. "I'll see you tommorow then, hon. And... I reall am happy for you." And she turns and is out the door.
There is staring after Dara, and Aida frowns. Hmm. Narrowed eyes. One can practically see the smoke coming from her ears as the gears grind in her head.
(( And back to the dorms they go ))
Wander wander wander back in. Aida takes quite a while to finally make her way back into the dormitory, and she's much more subdued as she winds her way back in. Rather than heading to her own cot, though, she makes rather directly towards Dara's, moving on quiet feet. Boots are in hand.
In the dorms, things remain quiet. Too late for stragglers, too early for the early risers, little is heard but a sea of breathing and snoring. In her cot, Dara lies on her side, head on her pillow and blanket pulled close around her.
Slipping over to the cot, Aida sets her boots down carefully, then moves to sit down on the edge, down by Dara's knees. No words are immediately offered, and though she does ease down lightly, it'd be rather hard to miss the weight of her presence.
Essdara is sleeping. See? Her eyes are closed, her breating is slow and regular. And if she moved her legs out of Aida's way when she sat down, well people do that in their sleep, right?
Exhaling a soft sigh, Aida rolls her eyes. She doesn't actually poke at Dara, instead being terribly effective and flopping down to lay beside the other girl, bringing an arm up to latch it around her lightly. Hug. She settles in, scooting under the blankets and generally making herself comfortable.
Essdara sighs, softly, relaxing against Aida. Eventually, cause she knows full well that she couldn't fool a rock, she goes for something teasing. "I doubt he'd like it if you stayed the night with me, you know." Well, sort of teasing.
Aida tugs Dara in close, shoving one of her arms beneath the girl's neck and snuggling her in as best she can. "If he takes issue with it, than clearly he and I are going to have problems," she returns quietly.
"That's silly." Dara says, voice still quiet. "You are not going to ruin the best thing to happen to you over something like that."
"You can bet that I will," Aida states firmly, pulling her head back enough that she can press a kiss to the top of Dara's head. "And technically, it would be he that would be ruining it, not me. I am not doing a single thing wrong for him to object to. It may not particularly please him, but there won't be an issue."
Essdara sighs and smiles a little bit. "No, nothing wrong. That's something he can be sure of." Dissapointed, yes. "He's a good person, Aida. Please don't lose him."
"Dara," Aida says, her voice touching firm. She draws back again, pulling far enough away that she can see into the other girl's face. "I'd rather lose him than you, you know. He's a boy. I like him a great deal and am stupid over him, yes -- but you're my best friend. Period, end of story. He is a good person, and he will not make me chose. If he does? He won't like the results."
Essdara sighs. "No, he won't." She agrees. "If nothing else, he's a rider, and very few of them are posessive or jealous. It honestly doesn't worry me, our friendship."
Aida releases with one arm, settling back enough that she can bring her hand up to smooth Dara's hair back from her face. "Then what is worrying you?" She asks, voice gentle. "I don't love you any less than I did two hours ago, you know."
"It's nothing you did, Aida. It's nothing about you at all. Well, ok, a tiny little bit, I will admit, but that's not really bothering me. I promise." She sighs softly, closing her eyes. "It's nothing that is anything new to me."
"Good," Aida says quietly, fingers not stilling. "If it's not about me, then you can talk with me about whatever it is. I promise I won't bite you this time. Talk to me, love." Her tone is so very, very gentle.
Essdara's voice is barely a whisper, barely heard. "I don't know how to. It's something that hurts, and I know it shouldn't. And I don't want you to see how pathetic I am inside."
"Oh." Aida's voice is hushed a bit with that, quiet. Then she's brushing her hand out of Dara's hair so she can wrap her arms around the other girl around, pulling her tight. "Hurting isn't pathetic, Dara," she murmurs, voice soft. "Hurting is hurting. You're not pathetic, you're hurt. S'a difference. But you don't have to tell me, if you don't want. I'm not going to insist."
Essdara sighs, softly. "You can, you know, Aida. Insist, I mean. Sometimes, it makes it easier to talk about the hard things if I don't have a choice. You won't hurt me like you did before, not ever again. I love you too much for that."
Aida lets out a soft little humorless chuckle, squeezing tight. "Okay," she says quietly. "Then tell me. No matter how pathetic you think it makes you, it will help you to say it where I can hear. I'm not going to hold it against you, and I'm not going to love you any less for it. Trust me."
Essdara chuckles, softly. "That's better." She is quiet a long moment. "I'm jealous of you, Aida. That's all, just stupid jealousy that I will get over."
Aida gives a little nod, squeezing again. "Jealous of me," she says, fingers lifting to brush through Essdara's hair without her loosening her arms. "Just stupid jealousy that you will get over. What are you jealous of me *for*?"
Essdara closes her eyes, sighing softly under the petting. "Because... I don't quite know how to say it. You efortlessly found something that part of me has been crying out for all my life. It's not fair how easy it is, for you and most everyone else."
"It's not fair," Aida agrees softly, setting her head down on the pillow finally, continuing to pet Dara's hair. Attempting to soothe. "It's really, really, really not fair. I wish it'd been you instead of me too, you know. I don't think that's pathetic at all. I think it's unfair and...really, sort of cruel of the world."
"Part of me, I think, hoped it could be both of us. Together. But only a small part, the rest knows how silly a thought that is." Dara sighs. "I just want to be loved. Doesn't have to last forever, I just... I want someone who will look at me, and see only me. Who will think I am special, think I am worth being with. And is willing to fight to make me see it, too."
Deep breath, heavy exhaled sigh. "That part of you knows that we'd kill each other, too," she points out softly. Aida ruffles her fingers through the other girl's hair, then makes a disgruntled noise. "I want that for you, too. And it's just not /fair/ that you haven't gotten it. I don't understand /why/. Maybe something else has to happen in your life first."
"We wouldn't. We haven't fought since the party. We've changed. And what else is there to happen? There's nothing in my life /to/ happen. I do my duties, I sleep, I see my friends. I make the most of what life I have."
"Dara, we would," Aida points out, exhaling a soft sigh and shaking her head a little bit. "And I don't know. I don't know what's coming tomorrow, or the next day. I just...I don't know why it hasn't happened. It /will/, I know it will. That greenrider, she likes you. That could end up more. Or any number of other things. Maybe the girl for you is on her way here right now as we speak."
"Or maybe she isn't, and my fate is to ultimately end up alone, bitter, and nasty. It's happened to plenty of others, Faranth knows." Dara sighs. "I've never had anyone really love me, you know. Noone at all. Ana... I don't know, I barely know her, and I never see her except once in a great while. I don't think that's going anywhere."
Exhaling a little sigh, Aida hugs Dara tight again. "Okay, so that's not going anywhere," she comments agreeably. "But you're younger than me, aren't you? You have lots of time before you're old, alone, bitter, and nasty. You're not that way yet, and I suspect that the reason for the alone is because of the last two -- not because they grew that way over the years, Dara."
"Aida?" Her voice is very soft. "Have you ever seen someone like me, someone who likes girls... Have you ever seen someone like that actually have someone to love them?"
"Dara, I'm from a little place that had not even twenty people," Aida points out, drawing back a little bit and offering a tiny smile. "So no, I haven't. I haven't seen a lot of things, though. I have faith in you, though."
"Makes one of us. Cause I don't think I can recall any, try as I might. And I just can't be anything else. You are the closest I ever came, someone who at least will hold me while I cry." A faint sniffle from Dara. "Which you do a lot of, and probably more in a very short while. It's so easy to say 'it will happen someday', but there's no way to know that, and nothing that says it ever will, let alone anything to make it worthwhile to love someone like me."
Pet, pet, hug. Aida frowns a bit, concern and worry clear on her face as she brings a hand around to brush a thumb along beneath Dara's eye. "I don't mind," she points out. "Just so you know. I think you're too young to give up. I've seen that there are other people that like girls, so it's not just you. I think you need to keep the faith, because sometimes, love, hope is the only thing we have."
"I wasn't born with hope. I've never had had any reason to have any. No, I get by by bieing too stubborn to do otherwise. Cause in the end, I don't have a choice in the matter." Her voice grows a bit firmer. "It doesn't matter if I am happy, or sad, or if I give up, life will still go on, still be there, and still have to be endured."
Aida closes her eyes, going dead silent for a long moment. She doesn't let Dara go, but her hand does still; it's clear she's taking a moment to compose herself. Still, she goes back to petting Dara's hair again and opens her eyes back up, offering a small smile. "You're right, I suppose," she says. "I...wish I could help you find some hope. It's hard, but...I don't know. I wish I could."
Essdara shrugs softly, and closes her eyes. "I wish you could too, Aida. But you can't, and I suspect noone can. We should go to sleep, though, or we'll be too tired to get through tommorow. I promise I'll be fine when we wake up."
"You can't give up, Dara," Aida points out, snuggling herself in against the other girl and closing her own eyes again. "Just...you can't give up. I wish I could articulate why or how...but..." She trails off. "I love you, dearheart. I wish I could make it better."
Essdara sighs, softly. "I wish I didn't need it made better. I wish it wasn't there. I wish... Many things. But wishes don't come true, they just... Distract you from reality."
"Wishes do come true," Aida points out, firmly. "Sometimes, they do. Not all of them, because they wouldn't be wishes if they did. But sometimes, they do. They can."
Essdara sighs. "If you say so, Aida. I will try my best to trust you on this one." A quiet moment. "It hurts me a lot that I actually thought I was happy. For almost a week, I thought my life was good, under control. I thought I was growing up. But apparently, I now can even fool myself."
"Somewhere, down deep, you have to find something to be hopeful about, Dara. You have to believe even though you don't want to," Aida insists, voice soft and gentle, but intent. "Maybe not right now; I don't think it can happen on demand. But...it does need to happen. You need to find something." Beat. "And fooling yourself is important, sometimes. We all do it."
"How, Aida? How do I do that? I've been trying, I try so hard, and I just don't find anything. I tried to think I could be more, talk to Sefton about joining the caucus, and all I got was laughter. I tried to think I could be normal and happy, and all I got was tears. Giving up is about the only thing I haven't tried." Her voice is frustrated and tired. "This isn't your problem, AIda, and I shouldn't be keeping you up with it. You won't be able to help, all you will do is make yourself sad by trying."
"It /is/ my problem," Aida says, voice not quite so soft, not quite so gentle. Firm. Definite. "You are my friend, Dara, and any problem you have is my problem. Period. I might not be able to fix it any more than you can, but you've no right to tell me that it isn't mine to deal with, to cope with, because it is. If I get to share the good, you damn well had better let me share the bad."
Essdara sighs, and relaxes back against her. "As you wish, Aida. But I don't know what else I can say, so... Maybe we really should go to sleep? I know it's not an answer, but I don't think there's one to find today."
"I hate stopping talking about something before some sort of a solution has been found," Aida grouses, exhaling a sigh and dropping her head back to the pillow again. "I wish I knew how. I wish, somehow, I could tell you how I did it. How I managed to keep from giving up. I just...always got back up. Having something to believe in is so important, Dara."
Essdara sighs. "I believe in you. Can that be enough, just for a little while? Because you're the only thing that's not let me down."
Aida lets out another sigh, squeezes. "Sure," she says quietly, tilting her head to kiss the other girl's temple lightly. "We'll...figure this out, though. Eventually. We will."
Essdara nods quietly, eyes still firmly closed. A soft sigh, and she shifts to try to get comfortable, hopefully to sleep.
Aida snuggles in close, closing her eyes. Not so much getting comfortable to go to sleep as she is just holding Dara close, petting her hair, trying as best she can to be comforting.
Where: Dorms, Baths, Dorms again
When: Night
Comment: Aida wakes Dara up to gush about her night. Dara is happy for her, but jealous, and they talk
Poor Dara. Actually getting sleep one night when there is an Aida dropping down onto the edge of her cot and reaching to shakeshakeshake her awake. "Dara," she hisses. "Dara, wake /up/." Insistent, if quiet.
One eye opens to look at Aida sleepily. "Wha? It's morning already?" She mumbles. Rolling onto her side, she gives a big yawn. "Hrmph, feels like I just fell asleep."
"It's not morning," Aida whispers, letting go of Dara's shoulder as she sits up. "Wake up. I need to talk to you." She looks like she's probably tired in there somewhere, but wow there is so much awake, still.
That catches her ear and her eyes open more fully. "Aida? You ok?" She sits up and looks her friend over, glancing around the cavern. "What're you doing back here, I didn't think I'd see you till morning!"
"Yes, I'm okay," Aida states, positively beaming at the other girl. She gets up, reaching to try and grab hold of Dara's arm to haul her up and to her feet. "C'mon, get up." Beat. "And...and...and of course it's not morning yet!" That's a little bit indignant. "I wasn't going to stay there, I mean, that's the first..." Oh, that's a dark look.
Essdara stands with her, still a bit groggy but trying hard to keep up. "The first what, and where are we going? And what happened, and was he nice and I want details here!"
"Somewhere /quiet/," Aida says. Like, you know, this isn't quiet. Of course, there are sleeping people, so maybe that has something to do with it. "I think he likes me."
"Duh, I know that much!" Dara says. "The lounge, or somewhere /really/ quiet like the baths or galleries?"
"Baths!" Aida finally lets go of Dara's arm, scooting around to her own cot to grab up a change of clothes. Then she's darting back to the end of Dara's cot, giving a bounce in place. Someone is eager to /go/. "C'mon!"
Essdara follows; as she wakes up, she's just as eager.
(( They move to the baths ))
Essdara follows her friend into the bathing caverns; at this time of night, they are the only occupants. Finding somewhere to sit that isn't wet, Dara grins at Aida. "So... He likes you. I mean, I knew that already when he tried to get me to tell him about you before you got there..."
Zoom. Aida darts on in here, heading for one of the benches to drop down and start hauling off her boots. "He tried to get you to tell him about me?" She asks a bit wide-eyed, once she's given a good look around the place to make sure they're as dead as they ought to be. "He actually kissed me! He was /so/ sweet, Dara. I just...I don't know what to /do/."
Essdara snorts softy, "Relax and enjoy it? It's good to see you find someone that piques your interest! Details, though love, details! Start from when I left, what happened? When did he kiss you? Did you like it?"
"It was really awkward," Aida says, seeming to calm down at least a little bit. Boots are discarded, and she starts scooting out of her clothes, grabbing up a robe to get it on before all clothing is off. It's a juggling process, but one she's good enough at. "I mean...I was so nervous, I could hardly talk. I don't even remember what we were talking about, but he...oh, yeah. A cold. He was under the weather, so I offered to get him some tea, and he asked if I wanted to go up to his weyr and look at the maps, and so we did. And he kissed me after I was going on about how nervous I was and /yes/ I liked it except it made my brain turn off and I swear I thought I was going to fall over."
Essdara giggles softly, with a warm smile. "It sounds lovely, Aida, I'm very happy for you! He seems really nice from what I saw of him, I liked him. I'm sorry I ran out like that, but... It seemed like you two would be better off alone. Aparently I was right!"
"We really weren't," Aida points out, blushing a bit as she slides up to her feet and paces for one of the actual baths. "I...don't think I've ever been so awkward talking to somebody in my life. He's going to take me to Southern Boll!"
Essdara chuckles, "I hear it's lovely there. Roa brought me back some lovely orange fruits when she came back from her trip there." She watches her friend with amusement. "Congratulations, love."
"I swear my brain has just shut off, though. Is that normal?" Aida asks, slipping forward and down into the heat of the water, sinking up to her neck. Water. Relax. Maybe it will calm her down. "T'rel and Ginella -- apparently friends of his? -- stopped in and interrupted us, but he put his hand on my shoulder and gave them both a 'you better be nice' sort of look."
Essdara shakes her head, "I wouldn't know, dearheart, I've never kissed anyone I actually cared about. In this, I'll be the one asking you for advice someday. T'ral? He's nice, I like him. I hope, though, Br'ce's weyr is neater than his! T'ral's made my skin crawl, and then he offered me food of... Dubious quality."
"No, I mean, completely shut off. Right now. I feel like...a giggling little girl." Aida points out, twisting around to set her chin on the edge of the pool so she can look up towards Essdara. "I just want to squeal and giggle and blush. It's /very/ undignified. And Br'ce's weyr was absolutely perfectly neat and organized. Labeled, it was so organized." Blink. Blink.
Essdara grins, "I don't think it's unusual, love. I think I'd feel much the same, were I you. It sounds like it was a wonderful evening for you both, you are a good match. I'm proud of you for finding him... And not letting him go!"
"He says the sweetest things," Aida admits, her expression finally calming, a lazy smile touching her lips. "It was just...I never could've imagined this. I have /no/ idea how it happened. Just...wow." She laughs, softly. "I'm sorry for waking you up. I just...had to talk to you. I don't...it's /scary/, you know that?"
Essdara nods a little bit. "It's ok, Aida. I'm always here for you, you know that. I've woken you up my fair share of times, and it's wonderful to be good news, not you crying about how terrible he was. And... Love is scarey. It scares me more than I can say, and I'm not even really with anyone!"
Blink. Blink. Blink. Aida goes owl-eyed up at Dara, expression dumbounded. "I don't know if it's..." She trails off. Squeaks. "Oh."
Essdara tilts her head. "What did you think it was? It it were just lust, you'd've probably felt like him like you do for me, no?"
"No, it's not just lust!" Aida immediately declares, shaking her head rapidly. "It's not like that at all. I just...I don't know what it is. I like him a /lot/. Love is scary, though. Oh man." More blinking. "I wasn't going to get into any of this."
Essdara grins a little, "It doesn't give you a choice. I wasn't looking for it when I met Roa. So you're already one up on where I was when I learned it was unavoidable. At least he likes you back."
"I really think he does," Aida admits, getting another dopey little smile on her face. "I always thought I'd...that it would be different. I thought the implication that it'd interest me /so funny/. And then wham, out of nowhere."
Essdara laughs softly, "It suits you, dearheart. I don't think I've ever seen you so... Happy. I'd found myself wondering if you knew what it was. I look forward to seeing where it goes, even if I am sure it will be syrupy sweet enough to make my teeth hurt!"
"He's going to take me to wherever I want to go," Aida says, her voice touching down to a hushed sort of awe as she looks up at Dara, again wide-eyed with wonder. "We're going to make a list of the places on the map, and go to them one by one. I can't...I mean, I never imagined it. Ever. I thought I'd have to give up seeing everything with Threadfall, because I can't walk everywhere any more. But...I get to see it. All of it. And he promised he wouldn't hurt me, that he wanted..." Okay, there's the little giggle. "To protect and cherish me. How could I not be happy?"
Essdara gives her friend a tender smile. "How could you not? It's wonderful to find someone who wants to do that for you." She laughs softly, "I am not sure what else to say other than that I think it's wonderful, and am happy for you. Because it is."
"I'm babbling," Aida states, making a horrid face. "Like a little girl. I can't /believe/ this." She rolls her eyes and sits up, then leans forward to dunk her head under the water. There is a bit of sputtering when she comes up, and both hands lift to push her hair and the water out of her face.
Essdara just smiles, quietly watching her intoxicated friend, amusement and pleasure for her friend in her expression.
Once she's gotten the water out of her face, Aida exhales a sigh, then scoots over to grab some of the cleaning sand to start scrubbing herself off here and there. "I will eventually calm down," she points out. "Sorry. I'm just all spinning, still. It's so /scary/, Dara. I mean...I don't have any idea what to do. How to make sure he knows I like him, too. Or anything."
Essdara laughs softly. "He knows, I think. I think most of the weyr does right now. But... Just spend time with him. Go places with him, talk to him, say nice things about him... What says love more than spending time with someone?"
"Most of the weyr knows?" Aida goes wide-eyed again, blinking up at the other girl. "What do you mean, most of the wyer knows? Are people talking about it?"
Essdara rolls her eyes, "Not literally! Geeze, did you leave your sarcasm behind, too, Aida? Who would know this quickly? Who'd care, for that matter?" She sighs. "Noone knows, and noone is talking about it. I promise."
Aida opens her mouth, then shuts it again, looking chagrined. "I told you, my brain doesn't work right now. It's totally just...shut off. I swear." A shake of her head. "This is frightening. I'm sorry. Just...need to breathe. I wish we hadn't gotten interrupted."
"So do I." Dara says, softly. "You deserved more time alone with him. And I'd still be asleep." A sweet smile.
"I'm sorry," Aida ducks her head, blush touching her cheeks. "I shouldn't have woken you up. I just...I didn't know what else to do. I won't wake you up like that again. Are you okay?" Sudden concern touches her expression, worry clear on her face. Right now, the controls on her expression are just /gone/.
Essdara tilts her head, smiling again. "Don't be sorry, Aida, it's wonderful news and I am glad you woke me up. And of course I am ok, why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know," Aida says, shrugging a shoulder and starting to rinse herself off carefully, her expression settling back out to something much more normal for her. The worst of the hyper has gone, it seems. Just like that. "I so wish I knew how this happened, I really do. This was /not/ in the plan."
Essdara says, "Sometimes, it's good for things to be unplanned. Otherwise, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it?"
"I don't know," Aida says, rinsing her hair out and then moving over to slide up and out of the pool to perch on the edge of it and let herself drip dry, some. "I like my plans. They've done me good up to now." A quiet laugh. "Oh well. I'm going to have to replan, I guess. This, at least, has made it /certain/ that I'm not going anywhere any time soon. I'd thought about trying to make it to Healer Hall, but I really didn't want to leave you, or here. I think this really sinks it, huh?"
Essdara grins slightly and stands. "I guess it does, at that. You don't have a bad life here, and this will make it a whole lot nicer. So... New plans sound like a good idea."
"I like it here," Aida says, shaking her head. "I've got a life now. I just...well, have to figure out what I can do. Here. With myself." A headshake. "Anyway. I think I may have found a combination that will help you sleep better. Not that I am any good for that right now, for which I am sorry. I tested it out the other night, and it left me groggy in the morning, but not too bad."
Essdara laughs softly, "Thank you, I'm sure I will be needing it all too soon. You ready to go back to bed, or is there anything else you want to do or talk about?"
Aida gives a little shake of her head, hands lifting to squeeze out her hair. "I'll...I think I've talked your ear off, for now, huh?" She offers up an apologetic little smile. "Are you going to be able to get back to sleep? I'm really sorry. I wasn't thinking. At all."
"Stop apologising!" Dara says, a touch harshly. "I've said it is fine, and I am glad you did. Just trust me, ok? But I am ready to go back to sleep, yes. I think I will be able to."
Aida blinks a few times, but gives a rapid little nod of her head. "Okay," she says. "I'm...going to drip dry for a little bit longer, and then I'll be in. Thank you."
Essdara nods, and gives her a quick hug. "I'll see you tommorow then, hon. And... I reall am happy for you." And she turns and is out the door.
There is staring after Dara, and Aida frowns. Hmm. Narrowed eyes. One can practically see the smoke coming from her ears as the gears grind in her head.
(( And back to the dorms they go ))
Wander wander wander back in. Aida takes quite a while to finally make her way back into the dormitory, and she's much more subdued as she winds her way back in. Rather than heading to her own cot, though, she makes rather directly towards Dara's, moving on quiet feet. Boots are in hand.
In the dorms, things remain quiet. Too late for stragglers, too early for the early risers, little is heard but a sea of breathing and snoring. In her cot, Dara lies on her side, head on her pillow and blanket pulled close around her.
Slipping over to the cot, Aida sets her boots down carefully, then moves to sit down on the edge, down by Dara's knees. No words are immediately offered, and though she does ease down lightly, it'd be rather hard to miss the weight of her presence.
Essdara is sleeping. See? Her eyes are closed, her breating is slow and regular. And if she moved her legs out of Aida's way when she sat down, well people do that in their sleep, right?
Exhaling a soft sigh, Aida rolls her eyes. She doesn't actually poke at Dara, instead being terribly effective and flopping down to lay beside the other girl, bringing an arm up to latch it around her lightly. Hug. She settles in, scooting under the blankets and generally making herself comfortable.
Essdara sighs, softly, relaxing against Aida. Eventually, cause she knows full well that she couldn't fool a rock, she goes for something teasing. "I doubt he'd like it if you stayed the night with me, you know." Well, sort of teasing.
Aida tugs Dara in close, shoving one of her arms beneath the girl's neck and snuggling her in as best she can. "If he takes issue with it, than clearly he and I are going to have problems," she returns quietly.
"That's silly." Dara says, voice still quiet. "You are not going to ruin the best thing to happen to you over something like that."
"You can bet that I will," Aida states firmly, pulling her head back enough that she can press a kiss to the top of Dara's head. "And technically, it would be he that would be ruining it, not me. I am not doing a single thing wrong for him to object to. It may not particularly please him, but there won't be an issue."
Essdara sighs and smiles a little bit. "No, nothing wrong. That's something he can be sure of." Dissapointed, yes. "He's a good person, Aida. Please don't lose him."
"Dara," Aida says, her voice touching firm. She draws back again, pulling far enough away that she can see into the other girl's face. "I'd rather lose him than you, you know. He's a boy. I like him a great deal and am stupid over him, yes -- but you're my best friend. Period, end of story. He is a good person, and he will not make me chose. If he does? He won't like the results."
Essdara sighs. "No, he won't." She agrees. "If nothing else, he's a rider, and very few of them are posessive or jealous. It honestly doesn't worry me, our friendship."
Aida releases with one arm, settling back enough that she can bring her hand up to smooth Dara's hair back from her face. "Then what is worrying you?" She asks, voice gentle. "I don't love you any less than I did two hours ago, you know."
"It's nothing you did, Aida. It's nothing about you at all. Well, ok, a tiny little bit, I will admit, but that's not really bothering me. I promise." She sighs softly, closing her eyes. "It's nothing that is anything new to me."
"Good," Aida says quietly, fingers not stilling. "If it's not about me, then you can talk with me about whatever it is. I promise I won't bite you this time. Talk to me, love." Her tone is so very, very gentle.
Essdara's voice is barely a whisper, barely heard. "I don't know how to. It's something that hurts, and I know it shouldn't. And I don't want you to see how pathetic I am inside."
"Oh." Aida's voice is hushed a bit with that, quiet. Then she's brushing her hand out of Dara's hair so she can wrap her arms around the other girl around, pulling her tight. "Hurting isn't pathetic, Dara," she murmurs, voice soft. "Hurting is hurting. You're not pathetic, you're hurt. S'a difference. But you don't have to tell me, if you don't want. I'm not going to insist."
Essdara sighs, softly. "You can, you know, Aida. Insist, I mean. Sometimes, it makes it easier to talk about the hard things if I don't have a choice. You won't hurt me like you did before, not ever again. I love you too much for that."
Aida lets out a soft little humorless chuckle, squeezing tight. "Okay," she says quietly. "Then tell me. No matter how pathetic you think it makes you, it will help you to say it where I can hear. I'm not going to hold it against you, and I'm not going to love you any less for it. Trust me."
Essdara chuckles, softly. "That's better." She is quiet a long moment. "I'm jealous of you, Aida. That's all, just stupid jealousy that I will get over."
Aida gives a little nod, squeezing again. "Jealous of me," she says, fingers lifting to brush through Essdara's hair without her loosening her arms. "Just stupid jealousy that you will get over. What are you jealous of me *for*?"
Essdara closes her eyes, sighing softly under the petting. "Because... I don't quite know how to say it. You efortlessly found something that part of me has been crying out for all my life. It's not fair how easy it is, for you and most everyone else."
"It's not fair," Aida agrees softly, setting her head down on the pillow finally, continuing to pet Dara's hair. Attempting to soothe. "It's really, really, really not fair. I wish it'd been you instead of me too, you know. I don't think that's pathetic at all. I think it's unfair and...really, sort of cruel of the world."
"Part of me, I think, hoped it could be both of us. Together. But only a small part, the rest knows how silly a thought that is." Dara sighs. "I just want to be loved. Doesn't have to last forever, I just... I want someone who will look at me, and see only me. Who will think I am special, think I am worth being with. And is willing to fight to make me see it, too."
Deep breath, heavy exhaled sigh. "That part of you knows that we'd kill each other, too," she points out softly. Aida ruffles her fingers through the other girl's hair, then makes a disgruntled noise. "I want that for you, too. And it's just not /fair/ that you haven't gotten it. I don't understand /why/. Maybe something else has to happen in your life first."
"We wouldn't. We haven't fought since the party. We've changed. And what else is there to happen? There's nothing in my life /to/ happen. I do my duties, I sleep, I see my friends. I make the most of what life I have."
"Dara, we would," Aida points out, exhaling a soft sigh and shaking her head a little bit. "And I don't know. I don't know what's coming tomorrow, or the next day. I just...I don't know why it hasn't happened. It /will/, I know it will. That greenrider, she likes you. That could end up more. Or any number of other things. Maybe the girl for you is on her way here right now as we speak."
"Or maybe she isn't, and my fate is to ultimately end up alone, bitter, and nasty. It's happened to plenty of others, Faranth knows." Dara sighs. "I've never had anyone really love me, you know. Noone at all. Ana... I don't know, I barely know her, and I never see her except once in a great while. I don't think that's going anywhere."
Exhaling a little sigh, Aida hugs Dara tight again. "Okay, so that's not going anywhere," she comments agreeably. "But you're younger than me, aren't you? You have lots of time before you're old, alone, bitter, and nasty. You're not that way yet, and I suspect that the reason for the alone is because of the last two -- not because they grew that way over the years, Dara."
"Aida?" Her voice is very soft. "Have you ever seen someone like me, someone who likes girls... Have you ever seen someone like that actually have someone to love them?"
"Dara, I'm from a little place that had not even twenty people," Aida points out, drawing back a little bit and offering a tiny smile. "So no, I haven't. I haven't seen a lot of things, though. I have faith in you, though."
"Makes one of us. Cause I don't think I can recall any, try as I might. And I just can't be anything else. You are the closest I ever came, someone who at least will hold me while I cry." A faint sniffle from Dara. "Which you do a lot of, and probably more in a very short while. It's so easy to say 'it will happen someday', but there's no way to know that, and nothing that says it ever will, let alone anything to make it worthwhile to love someone like me."
Pet, pet, hug. Aida frowns a bit, concern and worry clear on her face as she brings a hand around to brush a thumb along beneath Dara's eye. "I don't mind," she points out. "Just so you know. I think you're too young to give up. I've seen that there are other people that like girls, so it's not just you. I think you need to keep the faith, because sometimes, love, hope is the only thing we have."
"I wasn't born with hope. I've never had had any reason to have any. No, I get by by bieing too stubborn to do otherwise. Cause in the end, I don't have a choice in the matter." Her voice grows a bit firmer. "It doesn't matter if I am happy, or sad, or if I give up, life will still go on, still be there, and still have to be endured."
Aida closes her eyes, going dead silent for a long moment. She doesn't let Dara go, but her hand does still; it's clear she's taking a moment to compose herself. Still, she goes back to petting Dara's hair again and opens her eyes back up, offering a small smile. "You're right, I suppose," she says. "I...wish I could help you find some hope. It's hard, but...I don't know. I wish I could."
Essdara shrugs softly, and closes her eyes. "I wish you could too, Aida. But you can't, and I suspect noone can. We should go to sleep, though, or we'll be too tired to get through tommorow. I promise I'll be fine when we wake up."
"You can't give up, Dara," Aida points out, snuggling herself in against the other girl and closing her own eyes again. "Just...you can't give up. I wish I could articulate why or how...but..." She trails off. "I love you, dearheart. I wish I could make it better."
Essdara sighs, softly. "I wish I didn't need it made better. I wish it wasn't there. I wish... Many things. But wishes don't come true, they just... Distract you from reality."
"Wishes do come true," Aida points out, firmly. "Sometimes, they do. Not all of them, because they wouldn't be wishes if they did. But sometimes, they do. They can."
Essdara sighs. "If you say so, Aida. I will try my best to trust you on this one." A quiet moment. "It hurts me a lot that I actually thought I was happy. For almost a week, I thought my life was good, under control. I thought I was growing up. But apparently, I now can even fool myself."
"Somewhere, down deep, you have to find something to be hopeful about, Dara. You have to believe even though you don't want to," Aida insists, voice soft and gentle, but intent. "Maybe not right now; I don't think it can happen on demand. But...it does need to happen. You need to find something." Beat. "And fooling yourself is important, sometimes. We all do it."
"How, Aida? How do I do that? I've been trying, I try so hard, and I just don't find anything. I tried to think I could be more, talk to Sefton about joining the caucus, and all I got was laughter. I tried to think I could be normal and happy, and all I got was tears. Giving up is about the only thing I haven't tried." Her voice is frustrated and tired. "This isn't your problem, AIda, and I shouldn't be keeping you up with it. You won't be able to help, all you will do is make yourself sad by trying."
"It /is/ my problem," Aida says, voice not quite so soft, not quite so gentle. Firm. Definite. "You are my friend, Dara, and any problem you have is my problem. Period. I might not be able to fix it any more than you can, but you've no right to tell me that it isn't mine to deal with, to cope with, because it is. If I get to share the good, you damn well had better let me share the bad."
Essdara sighs, and relaxes back against her. "As you wish, Aida. But I don't know what else I can say, so... Maybe we really should go to sleep? I know it's not an answer, but I don't think there's one to find today."
"I hate stopping talking about something before some sort of a solution has been found," Aida grouses, exhaling a sigh and dropping her head back to the pillow again. "I wish I knew how. I wish, somehow, I could tell you how I did it. How I managed to keep from giving up. I just...always got back up. Having something to believe in is so important, Dara."
Essdara sighs. "I believe in you. Can that be enough, just for a little while? Because you're the only thing that's not let me down."
Aida lets out another sigh, squeezes. "Sure," she says quietly, tilting her head to kiss the other girl's temple lightly. "We'll...figure this out, though. Eventually. We will."
Essdara nods quietly, eyes still firmly closed. A soft sigh, and she shifts to try to get comfortable, hopefully to sleep.
Aida snuggles in close, closing her eyes. Not so much getting comfortable to go to sleep as she is just holding Dara close, petting her hair, trying as best she can to be comforting.