Happy early Valentine's Day to you all!
I think I mentioned so before, but it bears repeating and further embellishment: these were ridiculously fun to write. Some more obviously so than others.
There did wind up being a little bit of a narrative connection between a few of them, and a lot of them reference little things in the show, so if you catch those... um, basically I love you and am crazy proud to know you. FELLOW WINNER. (Edit: Bonus points if you are able to name all the songs in one of them. You'll probably know when you hit it.) (Edit the second: Extra life if you can name whose flapjacks the Professor is referring to.)
juxtaposie - Boomer → Bubbles
So, um, you kissed me when were kids. More than once.
…I still can’t get over how I never kissed you back.
***
busterella - Bubbles → Princess
Princess, you are to die for. Marc Jacobs, DvF, Kate Spade, Christian Louboutin! Pretty things upon pretty things! Don’t turn me away. Not when I have such excellent taste in… clothing.
Let’s go shopping and be pretty together ♥
***
busterella - Snake → Ms. Keane
Did you know
that an anagram
of Msssss Keane
isssssss
me
Sssssnake?
Jusssssst wanted to throw that out there.
***
busterella - Professor → ???
Remember that time I told you your flapjacks weren’t that great?
… I lied. Yours was the best damn breakfast I’ve ever had.
***
busterella - Belladonna → Ace
A bunch of your fangirls sent you some flowers today. I dropped them in the toilet. They’ll get plenty of water that way.
You can thank me later by taking me out for a burger. And a shake. Tonight. Maybe even without the rest of the gang, if that’s cool.
…Cool?
***
ancilla_jokes - Buttercup → Butch
I think I hobbled off with one of your teeth from our last get-together.
Figured that wasn’t a fair trade, so here’s one of mine. Peace. (Lose it and I’ll fucking kill you.)
***
ancilla_jokes - Professor → Girls
I love you.
***
ancilla_jokes - Girls → Professor
We love you, too.
***
ancilla_jokes - Robin → Professor
I would like to be your Valentine accident.
***
getcape_fly - Blossom → Brick
Don’t think I didn’t see that thing you had tied around your neck today. Yes, you may have tried to hide it by keeping it tucked underneath the collar of your shirt, but I saw it! You took my bow. You arrogant, conniving thief! How dare you flaunt that in front of me?! The very thought of my bow tied around your neck underneath your shirt instead of in my hair, where it should be.
Give it back. Don’t make me ask again.
***
the_audren_file - Buttercup → Brick
Hey.
Take off your shirt.
Yeah. You heard me.
xo (I licked this spot → )
***
xxlonelyxgrlxx - Brick → Bubbles
Stop looking at me, stop talking to me, stop laughing at jokes I’m not making, stop smiling all the time (but especially at me), stop sending me “Do you like me? Y/N” notes, and definitely stop hanging off my arm when we happen to be walking side by side.
I do not walk next to you because I like you. It just…
…happens.
***
thisoldhighway - Butch → Buttercup
That thing you sent me that I wasn’t supposed to lose? Yeah, totally lost it.
Punish me? (I propose a fistfight, some bleeding, possible bone-breaking, and angry sex, not necessarily in that order. Or even one at a time.)
After all, I deserve it. Don’t I?
***
demon_bird - Ms. Bellum → Fuzzy Lumpkins
Mr. Fuzzy Lumpkins,
Re: your inquiry as to what my plans are for the day in question, as it currently stands I feel it only fair to inform you that given my average twelve-hour workday it is unlikely I will be available to accompany you to your “high-falutin’ Valentine-y shindig of sorts.” The invitation is appreciated, and I hope it pleases you to know that I am only mildly repulsed by your wardrobe request of “the shortest dang ol’ Daisy Dukes a varmint’s ever laid eyes on (wrasslin’ appro’prit, hee hee).” I have not worn my hair in braids since you left office, but I am… flattered to hear you so praiseworthy of the style.
Rest assured the arrangement of daisies you sent will not go to waste; I’ve put them in water and am admiring them on my desk at the very moment. They might even make it to the holiday they are honoring. Should we all be so lucky, please know that as I work well into the night I will be sure to reflect on who they came from with as much affection as I am able to spare. I hope you have a Happy Valentine’s Day as well.
Best regards,
Ms. Sara Bellum
***
Anonymous - Brick → Blossom
1) What the fuck makes you think I have your bow?
2) Is your opinion of yourself so high that you think I would actually wear something that had touched your person? I’m sorry, let me swallow down the vomit in the back of my throat.
3) …What were you doing looking under my shirt?
4) I confess: it is yours. And by all means, ask again.
***
quillbender - Boomer → Buttercup
Like, um, remember when we were kids, and your sister was pretending to be me, and she couldn’t hawk a loogie, and you told her how?
… That was really cool.
(Can you teach me, too?)
***
spfizz - Ace → Buttercup
Hey, kid.
I thought you said you’d come back.
***
laleia - Bubbles → Mojo
That time I was all sad about not knowing we’d had a pet monkey? Well…
…It wasn’t the real reason I was sad about you.
***
philosophicwax - Boomer → Brick (followed by, er, additional correspondence)
What you got, boy, is hard to find. Please forgive me if I’m coming on too strong. I left my head and my heart on the dance floor. They’re playin’ my song, the butterflies fly away.
If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?
---
Butch, for fuck’s sake, keep your drugs away from Boomer.
---
I didn’t have any drugs :(
---
… What the fucking shit are you two talking about?
***
philosophicwax - Him → Mayor
Oh, my poor, poor Mayor! You are in serious need of a makeover!
Please: allow me.
***
Anonymous - Bubbles → Brick
Did you not get Buttercup’s note yet? Why is your shirt still on?
***
busterella - Mojo → ???
ATTENTION CITY OF TOWNSVILLE!!!
I am about to make an important request of you that will require your full, undivided, and dedicated attention, and being that it is an important request it would behoove you to heed my words and pay attention to them so that you may fully comprehend the words that I am communicating to you in this letter. Being that this is a written communication, if you have not paid sufficient attention during your first read-through of this message you have the benefit of reviewing it additional times as is necessary for said message to sink in to your conscious mind, so that you will be able to recall it easily upon future internal reflection. In fact, if you review it not only sufficiently, but continue to review it beyond the necessary parameters which will permit this message to sink in to your conscious mind, you may discover that the repeated reviewing of this message will have resulted in it also having ingrained itself in your subconscious mind, which is preferable, commendable, and, in short, even better!
The more observant citizens residing in this city, the city of Townsville, have probably taken notice of the significance of this day, as it is a holiday which is given much significance, especially as it is focused on the glorification of couples and relationships and the enduring power of love and encourages mass-consumerism by producing mountains of useless and unnecessary material items all ostensibly centered on recognizing the powerful emotion which is the driving force behind the existence of this holiday. I must preface this message with the confession that the only material items within my possession with which I can persuade you, City of Townsville, to respond appropriately to my proposition is advanced technological weaponry, as is to be expected of a criminal mastermind with superior intellect and the capacity for creating advanced technological weaponry that is threatening to your person and occasionally the surrounding environment. (The criminal mastermind with superior intellect of whom I speak is myself, as I have yet to encounter another criminal mastermind possessing an intellect superior to that of my own, therefore I can assume with considerable certainty that when I refer to a criminal mastermind of immense and superior intellect, all present parties paying adequate attention to the words I am communicating will be able to accurately deduce that I am referring to myself.)
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT! CITY OF TOWNSVILLE! WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE?!
It is a question, and not a rhetorical one, as a rhetorical question would be without an answer, and since this question requires an answer it is therefore not a rhetorical question! Not only that, but there is only one correct answer that this question requires, and what may be perceived as the other possible answer is in reality not a true possibility, as there can be only one answer! And that answer is YES!
City of Townsville, you WILL be my Valentine! You will accept my declaration of ownership of you, as is implied by the onslaught of messages communicated on this holiday known as Valentine’s Day between two parties (and sometimes more), for to be in a relationship is to absolve yourself of being in complete possession of your emotional and at times physical person! Therefore you WILL say yes, you WILL be my Valentine, and you WILL belong to me! And if you protest, which, as we have established, is the incorrect answer to my proposition, then allow me to present to you the material item that we have also established is the only material item I have to present to you-ADVANCED TECHNOLOGICAL WEAPONRY. (Weaponry that, as established, is directly threatening to your person and indirectly threatening to the surrounding environment.)
I await your inevitable acceptance of my proposal and look forward to communicating further about the present and future nature of this new relationship as circumstances continue to develop.
Your Valentine,
MOOOOJO JOJO! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
***
A pre-emptive Happy Valentine's Day to you all ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Originally posted at http://essbeejay.dreamwidth.org/80090.html.
There did wind up being a little bit of a narrative connection between a few of them, and a lot of them reference little things in the show, so if you catch those... um, basically I love you and am crazy proud to know you. FELLOW WINNER. (Edit: Bonus points if you are able to name all the songs in one of them. You'll probably know when you hit it.) (Edit the second: Extra life if you can name whose flapjacks the Professor is referring to.)
juxtaposie - Boomer → Bubbles
So, um, you kissed me when were kids. More than once.
…I still can’t get over how I never kissed you back.
***
busterella - Bubbles → Princess
Princess, you are to die for. Marc Jacobs, DvF, Kate Spade, Christian Louboutin! Pretty things upon pretty things! Don’t turn me away. Not when I have such excellent taste in… clothing.
Let’s go shopping and be pretty together ♥
***
busterella - Snake → Ms. Keane
Did you know
that an anagram
of Msssss Keane
isssssss
me
Sssssnake?
Jusssssst wanted to throw that out there.
***
busterella - Professor → ???
Remember that time I told you your flapjacks weren’t that great?
… I lied. Yours was the best damn breakfast I’ve ever had.
***
busterella - Belladonna → Ace
A bunch of your fangirls sent you some flowers today. I dropped them in the toilet. They’ll get plenty of water that way.
You can thank me later by taking me out for a burger. And a shake. Tonight. Maybe even without the rest of the gang, if that’s cool.
…Cool?
***
ancilla_jokes - Buttercup → Butch
I think I hobbled off with one of your teeth from our last get-together.
Figured that wasn’t a fair trade, so here’s one of mine. Peace. (Lose it and I’ll fucking kill you.)
***
ancilla_jokes - Professor → Girls
I love you.
***
ancilla_jokes - Girls → Professor
We love you, too.
***
ancilla_jokes - Robin → Professor
I would like to be your Valentine accident.
***
getcape_fly - Blossom → Brick
Don’t think I didn’t see that thing you had tied around your neck today. Yes, you may have tried to hide it by keeping it tucked underneath the collar of your shirt, but I saw it! You took my bow. You arrogant, conniving thief! How dare you flaunt that in front of me?! The very thought of my bow tied around your neck underneath your shirt instead of in my hair, where it should be.
Give it back. Don’t make me ask again.
***
the_audren_file - Buttercup → Brick
Hey.
Take off your shirt.
Yeah. You heard me.
xo (I licked this spot → )
***
xxlonelyxgrlxx - Brick → Bubbles
Stop looking at me, stop talking to me, stop laughing at jokes I’m not making, stop smiling all the time (but especially at me), stop sending me “Do you like me? Y/N” notes, and definitely stop hanging off my arm when we happen to be walking side by side.
I do not walk next to you because I like you. It just…
…happens.
***
thisoldhighway - Butch → Buttercup
That thing you sent me that I wasn’t supposed to lose? Yeah, totally lost it.
Punish me? (I propose a fistfight, some bleeding, possible bone-breaking, and angry sex, not necessarily in that order. Or even one at a time.)
After all, I deserve it. Don’t I?
***
demon_bird - Ms. Bellum → Fuzzy Lumpkins
Mr. Fuzzy Lumpkins,
Re: your inquiry as to what my plans are for the day in question, as it currently stands I feel it only fair to inform you that given my average twelve-hour workday it is unlikely I will be available to accompany you to your “high-falutin’ Valentine-y shindig of sorts.” The invitation is appreciated, and I hope it pleases you to know that I am only mildly repulsed by your wardrobe request of “the shortest dang ol’ Daisy Dukes a varmint’s ever laid eyes on (wrasslin’ appro’prit, hee hee).” I have not worn my hair in braids since you left office, but I am… flattered to hear you so praiseworthy of the style.
Rest assured the arrangement of daisies you sent will not go to waste; I’ve put them in water and am admiring them on my desk at the very moment. They might even make it to the holiday they are honoring. Should we all be so lucky, please know that as I work well into the night I will be sure to reflect on who they came from with as much affection as I am able to spare. I hope you have a Happy Valentine’s Day as well.
Best regards,
Ms. Sara Bellum
***
Anonymous - Brick → Blossom
1) What the fuck makes you think I have your bow?
2) Is your opinion of yourself so high that you think I would actually wear something that had touched your person? I’m sorry, let me swallow down the vomit in the back of my throat.
3) …What were you doing looking under my shirt?
4) I confess: it is yours. And by all means, ask again.
***
quillbender - Boomer → Buttercup
Like, um, remember when we were kids, and your sister was pretending to be me, and she couldn’t hawk a loogie, and you told her how?
… That was really cool.
(Can you teach me, too?)
***
spfizz - Ace → Buttercup
Hey, kid.
I thought you said you’d come back.
***
laleia - Bubbles → Mojo
That time I was all sad about not knowing we’d had a pet monkey? Well…
…It wasn’t the real reason I was sad about you.
***
philosophicwax - Boomer → Brick (followed by, er, additional correspondence)
What you got, boy, is hard to find. Please forgive me if I’m coming on too strong. I left my head and my heart on the dance floor. They’re playin’ my song, the butterflies fly away.
If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?
---
Butch, for fuck’s sake, keep your drugs away from Boomer.
---
I didn’t have any drugs :(
---
… What the fucking shit are you two talking about?
***
philosophicwax - Him → Mayor
Oh, my poor, poor Mayor! You are in serious need of a makeover!
Please: allow me.
***
Anonymous - Bubbles → Brick
Did you not get Buttercup’s note yet? Why is your shirt still on?
***
busterella - Mojo → ???
ATTENTION CITY OF TOWNSVILLE!!!
I am about to make an important request of you that will require your full, undivided, and dedicated attention, and being that it is an important request it would behoove you to heed my words and pay attention to them so that you may fully comprehend the words that I am communicating to you in this letter. Being that this is a written communication, if you have not paid sufficient attention during your first read-through of this message you have the benefit of reviewing it additional times as is necessary for said message to sink in to your conscious mind, so that you will be able to recall it easily upon future internal reflection. In fact, if you review it not only sufficiently, but continue to review it beyond the necessary parameters which will permit this message to sink in to your conscious mind, you may discover that the repeated reviewing of this message will have resulted in it also having ingrained itself in your subconscious mind, which is preferable, commendable, and, in short, even better!
The more observant citizens residing in this city, the city of Townsville, have probably taken notice of the significance of this day, as it is a holiday which is given much significance, especially as it is focused on the glorification of couples and relationships and the enduring power of love and encourages mass-consumerism by producing mountains of useless and unnecessary material items all ostensibly centered on recognizing the powerful emotion which is the driving force behind the existence of this holiday. I must preface this message with the confession that the only material items within my possession with which I can persuade you, City of Townsville, to respond appropriately to my proposition is advanced technological weaponry, as is to be expected of a criminal mastermind with superior intellect and the capacity for creating advanced technological weaponry that is threatening to your person and occasionally the surrounding environment. (The criminal mastermind with superior intellect of whom I speak is myself, as I have yet to encounter another criminal mastermind possessing an intellect superior to that of my own, therefore I can assume with considerable certainty that when I refer to a criminal mastermind of immense and superior intellect, all present parties paying adequate attention to the words I am communicating will be able to accurately deduce that I am referring to myself.)
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT! CITY OF TOWNSVILLE! WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE?!
It is a question, and not a rhetorical one, as a rhetorical question would be without an answer, and since this question requires an answer it is therefore not a rhetorical question! Not only that, but there is only one correct answer that this question requires, and what may be perceived as the other possible answer is in reality not a true possibility, as there can be only one answer! And that answer is YES!
City of Townsville, you WILL be my Valentine! You will accept my declaration of ownership of you, as is implied by the onslaught of messages communicated on this holiday known as Valentine’s Day between two parties (and sometimes more), for to be in a relationship is to absolve yourself of being in complete possession of your emotional and at times physical person! Therefore you WILL say yes, you WILL be my Valentine, and you WILL belong to me! And if you protest, which, as we have established, is the incorrect answer to my proposition, then allow me to present to you the material item that we have also established is the only material item I have to present to you-ADVANCED TECHNOLOGICAL WEAPONRY. (Weaponry that, as established, is directly threatening to your person and indirectly threatening to the surrounding environment.)
I await your inevitable acceptance of my proposal and look forward to communicating further about the present and future nature of this new relationship as circumstances continue to develop.
Your Valentine,
MOOOOJO JOJO! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
***
A pre-emptive Happy Valentine's Day to you all ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Originally posted at http://essbeejay.dreamwidth.org/80090.html.