This is an unhappy and kind of personal entry, so skip at your leisure.
I have been having a difficult time lately with fandom, and, subsequently, myself, and after poking and prodding at the things that have been giving me the most difficulty I've uncovered aspects of myself that I wasn't willing to acknowledge before. It's been an ongoing thing, progressing further and further the older I get, and now that it's something I've spent some time thinking about I can't say I'm very happy about it.
I had this whole big entry planned out when news and concept art of the 2013 PpG Special was released-first, I planned a SQUEEful yet rational post reacting to the immensely negative “fan” response to the concept art, which then morphed into a reservedly snarky yet very angry post where I basically called the “fans” by the crudest, most offensive insults I could think of (usually involving genitialia; my eventual favorite that has now worked its way into my actual spoken vernacular is “thundercunt”), and then I wavered back and forth for awhile between the two, but then-finally-there was only me, sinking into this sad sort of depression about what was revealed by further reflection on all this business and its effect on me.
I am not going to be eloquent about this because I have little eloquence in me these days, and I don't have the energy to be really angry about it anymore (nor do I want to be angry about it-it saps too much energy from me, of every kind, including the increasingly short-supplied creative energy I'm so desperately trying to reclaim). There's only just enough energy to keep me pretty bummed out every time I get into that headspace.
But I could talk circles around this all day, going “Wah wah meeeeeeeeeeee” and I already hate when I'm on the receiving end of that sort of thing; to be the source of it is just doubly insulting to myself. Abluh. Anyway.
Let's just pretend there's nobody out there who isn't excited about the special for a second. Let's just pretend that people don't keep getting the creator of the original series wrong. Let's pretend that people are willing to reserve judgment until proven wrong (or right) by the actual product, let's pretend that people actually know who the fuck Kevin Dart is, let's pretend that basically any fairweather fan who thinks that all it takes to make you an expert on anything is to have flipped on the television and watched it because it was on. Let me pretend for a second that no naysayers exist, so I can have this next paragraph (plus one).
I love the Powerpuff Girls. I love the art style Kevin Dart has conceived for the show. I love Kevin Dart's work! Dart is one of the most respected names in the animation industry, so seeing his name attached to the new PpG special is nothing short of euphoric for me. No matter that McCracken isn't involved in it-though I can't lie and say I'm not a little disappointed, I think bringing Dart and Dave Smith on to handle the special was one of the absolute best, smartest moves CTN could've made. For those of you who are not aware (and I daresay most of you do not, and this is not a criticism), Smith was responsible for several of the best episodes of the PpG series, including my personal favorite, “The Powerpuff Girls' Best Rainy Day Adventure Ever.” CTN does not have a history of making especially good programming decisions, but damned if they haven't been responsible for getting some of the best fucking cartoons on the air, PERIOD. (Keeping them on the air is another story, but let's table that discussion for another day.) As far as Dart is concerned, have you seen his artwork? IT'S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Not just the work he's done as an artist in the animation industry, but as an artist, PERIOD. Fucking astounding. Beautiful, amazing work. AND HE'S ON THE NEW POWERPUFF GIRLS SPECIAL FOR 2013. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. HOLD ME. I THINK I'M HYPERVENTILATING. That's like the equivalent of being told you're getting a burger and going, “Yay, I love burgers!” and then finding out that not only are you getting a burger, you're getting a burger made of the highest quality grade A grass-fed ground beef flavored with truffle oil with a side of truffle cheese fries and a sparkling beverage of your choice to wash it all down and then you can follow it up with your favorite dessert (might I suggest a delicately flavored pear-champagne sorbet) and OH BY THE WAY IT'S TOTALLY COMPED SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY A THING, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIT BACK AND ENJOY THIS HOLY CREATION OF GOODNESS THAT'S LIABLE TO ELEVATE YOUR STANDARD OF LIVING BY FIVE THOUSAND FUCKING POINTS, I MEAN ARE YOU SERIOUS BECAUSE ALL I WAS ACTUALLY EXPECTING WAS A DECENT BURGER BUT ALL THIS, THIS IS SO, SO MUCH BETTER, YES PLEASE ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY YES HOW DID YOU KNOW?! IS IT CARTOON CHRISTMAS?!
Oh, you say the chef isn't the same? Oh, well, that's kind of disappointing, but it's okay! Because God knows there are a good deal of other chefs out there who are just as capable of creating something really wonderful and amazing that I know I'll enjoy. I'm flexible. I'm game. My body is ready. Bring it on! NO, REALLY, PLEASE, GIVE IT TO ME.
There. That's my two paragraphs. Those are the paragraphs I wish I was seeing around the internet more. But mostly I see a lot of people complaining. Mostly I see a lot of people insulting a really talented artist whose work I love and admire. It's especially galling to see them refer to themselves as fans when the majority of them steal the show by downloading it off the internet, half of them can't even get the fucking creator right (no disrespect, but you MLP:FiM peeps need to step the fuck down and get your facts straight; Faust wasn't on PpG until fucking Season Four FOR THE RECORD), and then there's those thundercunts taking the “animation fan's” stance and criticizing the animation style/fact that it's cg WHEN THEY NOT ONLY HAVEN'T SEEN ANY ANIMATION FOR THE SHOW YET, BUT ARE SUCH SHIT FANS OF ANIMATION THAT THEY CAN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE THE NAMES OF TWO ACTUAL INDUSTRY TALENTS COMING TOGETHER TO WORK ON THIS FUCKING SPECIAL, NOR RECOGNIZE THE BEAUTIFULLY STYLIZED WORK BEING DONE IN CG BY KEVIN DART HIMSELF ON THE OPENING TITLES FOR RANDY CUNNINGHAM AND DISNEY IN ONE OF THEIR MOST FAMOUS ANIMATED SHORTS UP FOR THE OSCAR THIS YEAR. (Surprise, assholes! CG doesn't all look like fucking Dreamworks TV shows! If you were TRUE animation fans, you would know and recognize the actual work currently being done to play with and push the medium, but you don't because the majority of you who claim to be fans are in reality FUCKING IDIOTS BLOWING SHIT OUT YOUR ASS.)
There. That's my angry paragraph. (See, you're progressing through my arc with me.) And now: the sad revelation about the type of person I realized I am.
Go back and glance over that paragraph I wrote prior to the two detailing my excitement, as well as the paragraph after. I used really loaded, condescending language. I insulted others for being what I perceived as inferior to me. I practically outright stated “This is what makes you a good fan. This is what makes you a bad fan.” I reacted badly to others' reactions and dismissed them as being stupid, lesser. I placed their thoughts and opinions below mine, which I clearly perceive as superior. Never mind that most of these people are just kids. I mean, how short-sighted can I be? How elitist? I've always prided myself on not having that sort of attitude, and yet... Holy Hell, I really have crossed the line into BOFQ territory. (Damn! But, really. Fuck.)
And the problem is it's not just fandom where I'm like that now. This attitude-this angry superiority complex of mine that I've been feeding for the past few years-is coloring too many shades of my life. Fandom, work, relationships, you name it. I don't consider that the hallmark of a good person. And so I haven't been very happy with myself.
I don't have a solution for it (and I'm not looking for one, so while I appreciate the sentiments of anyone out there reading, I can't say that I will be in a very good frame of mind to receive what I will interpret as people telling me how to “fix” this issue (and I doubt any of you are professionals certified to deal with this sort of problem anyway) so please keep those types of comments to yourself) but on the plus side, it's off my chest. Maybe I can finally get back to my more creative endeavours without that hanging over me. And that sex entry I promised. Which will happen. Eventually.
ETA: Btw, because I keep getting this question: YES, I'M STILL WORKING ON TEF. (Not sure why I bothered saying this; the only people who keep asking don't appear to know how to click on links or use the internet to find out basic information anyway.) (Wow, again! See my superiority complex at work. God, what kind of person am I becoming?)
Originally posted at http://essbeejay.dreamwidth.org/104474.html.
I had this whole big entry planned out when news and concept art of the 2013 PpG Special was released-first, I planned a SQUEEful yet rational post reacting to the immensely negative “fan” response to the concept art, which then morphed into a reservedly snarky yet very angry post where I basically called the “fans” by the crudest, most offensive insults I could think of (usually involving genitialia; my eventual favorite that has now worked its way into my actual spoken vernacular is “thundercunt”), and then I wavered back and forth for awhile between the two, but then-finally-there was only me, sinking into this sad sort of depression about what was revealed by further reflection on all this business and its effect on me.
I am not going to be eloquent about this because I have little eloquence in me these days, and I don't have the energy to be really angry about it anymore (nor do I want to be angry about it-it saps too much energy from me, of every kind, including the increasingly short-supplied creative energy I'm so desperately trying to reclaim). There's only just enough energy to keep me pretty bummed out every time I get into that headspace.
But I could talk circles around this all day, going “Wah wah meeeeeeeeeeee” and I already hate when I'm on the receiving end of that sort of thing; to be the source of it is just doubly insulting to myself. Abluh. Anyway.
Let's just pretend there's nobody out there who isn't excited about the special for a second. Let's just pretend that people don't keep getting the creator of the original series wrong. Let's pretend that people are willing to reserve judgment until proven wrong (or right) by the actual product, let's pretend that people actually know who the fuck Kevin Dart is, let's pretend that basically any fairweather fan who thinks that all it takes to make you an expert on anything is to have flipped on the television and watched it because it was on. Let me pretend for a second that no naysayers exist, so I can have this next paragraph (plus one).
I love the Powerpuff Girls. I love the art style Kevin Dart has conceived for the show. I love Kevin Dart's work! Dart is one of the most respected names in the animation industry, so seeing his name attached to the new PpG special is nothing short of euphoric for me. No matter that McCracken isn't involved in it-though I can't lie and say I'm not a little disappointed, I think bringing Dart and Dave Smith on to handle the special was one of the absolute best, smartest moves CTN could've made. For those of you who are not aware (and I daresay most of you do not, and this is not a criticism), Smith was responsible for several of the best episodes of the PpG series, including my personal favorite, “The Powerpuff Girls' Best Rainy Day Adventure Ever.” CTN does not have a history of making especially good programming decisions, but damned if they haven't been responsible for getting some of the best fucking cartoons on the air, PERIOD. (Keeping them on the air is another story, but let's table that discussion for another day.) As far as Dart is concerned, have you seen his artwork? IT'S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Not just the work he's done as an artist in the animation industry, but as an artist, PERIOD. Fucking astounding. Beautiful, amazing work. AND HE'S ON THE NEW POWERPUFF GIRLS SPECIAL FOR 2013. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. HOLD ME. I THINK I'M HYPERVENTILATING. That's like the equivalent of being told you're getting a burger and going, “Yay, I love burgers!” and then finding out that not only are you getting a burger, you're getting a burger made of the highest quality grade A grass-fed ground beef flavored with truffle oil with a side of truffle cheese fries and a sparkling beverage of your choice to wash it all down and then you can follow it up with your favorite dessert (might I suggest a delicately flavored pear-champagne sorbet) and OH BY THE WAY IT'S TOTALLY COMPED SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY A THING, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIT BACK AND ENJOY THIS HOLY CREATION OF GOODNESS THAT'S LIABLE TO ELEVATE YOUR STANDARD OF LIVING BY FIVE THOUSAND FUCKING POINTS, I MEAN ARE YOU SERIOUS BECAUSE ALL I WAS ACTUALLY EXPECTING WAS A DECENT BURGER BUT ALL THIS, THIS IS SO, SO MUCH BETTER, YES PLEASE ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY YES HOW DID YOU KNOW?! IS IT CARTOON CHRISTMAS?!
Oh, you say the chef isn't the same? Oh, well, that's kind of disappointing, but it's okay! Because God knows there are a good deal of other chefs out there who are just as capable of creating something really wonderful and amazing that I know I'll enjoy. I'm flexible. I'm game. My body is ready. Bring it on! NO, REALLY, PLEASE, GIVE IT TO ME.
There. That's my two paragraphs. Those are the paragraphs I wish I was seeing around the internet more. But mostly I see a lot of people complaining. Mostly I see a lot of people insulting a really talented artist whose work I love and admire. It's especially galling to see them refer to themselves as fans when the majority of them steal the show by downloading it off the internet, half of them can't even get the fucking creator right (no disrespect, but you MLP:FiM peeps need to step the fuck down and get your facts straight; Faust wasn't on PpG until fucking Season Four FOR THE RECORD), and then there's those thundercunts taking the “animation fan's” stance and criticizing the animation style/fact that it's cg WHEN THEY NOT ONLY HAVEN'T SEEN ANY ANIMATION FOR THE SHOW YET, BUT ARE SUCH SHIT FANS OF ANIMATION THAT THEY CAN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE THE NAMES OF TWO ACTUAL INDUSTRY TALENTS COMING TOGETHER TO WORK ON THIS FUCKING SPECIAL, NOR RECOGNIZE THE BEAUTIFULLY STYLIZED WORK BEING DONE IN CG BY KEVIN DART HIMSELF ON THE OPENING TITLES FOR RANDY CUNNINGHAM AND DISNEY IN ONE OF THEIR MOST FAMOUS ANIMATED SHORTS UP FOR THE OSCAR THIS YEAR. (Surprise, assholes! CG doesn't all look like fucking Dreamworks TV shows! If you were TRUE animation fans, you would know and recognize the actual work currently being done to play with and push the medium, but you don't because the majority of you who claim to be fans are in reality FUCKING IDIOTS BLOWING SHIT OUT YOUR ASS.)
There. That's my angry paragraph. (See, you're progressing through my arc with me.) And now: the sad revelation about the type of person I realized I am.
Go back and glance over that paragraph I wrote prior to the two detailing my excitement, as well as the paragraph after. I used really loaded, condescending language. I insulted others for being what I perceived as inferior to me. I practically outright stated “This is what makes you a good fan. This is what makes you a bad fan.” I reacted badly to others' reactions and dismissed them as being stupid, lesser. I placed their thoughts and opinions below mine, which I clearly perceive as superior. Never mind that most of these people are just kids. I mean, how short-sighted can I be? How elitist? I've always prided myself on not having that sort of attitude, and yet... Holy Hell, I really have crossed the line into BOFQ territory. (Damn! But, really. Fuck.)
And the problem is it's not just fandom where I'm like that now. This attitude-this angry superiority complex of mine that I've been feeding for the past few years-is coloring too many shades of my life. Fandom, work, relationships, you name it. I don't consider that the hallmark of a good person. And so I haven't been very happy with myself.
I don't have a solution for it (and I'm not looking for one, so while I appreciate the sentiments of anyone out there reading, I can't say that I will be in a very good frame of mind to receive what I will interpret as people telling me how to “fix” this issue (and I doubt any of you are professionals certified to deal with this sort of problem anyway) so please keep those types of comments to yourself) but on the plus side, it's off my chest. Maybe I can finally get back to my more creative endeavours without that hanging over me. And that sex entry I promised. Which will happen. Eventually.
ETA: Btw, because I keep getting this question: YES, I'M STILL WORKING ON TEF. (Not sure why I bothered saying this; the only people who keep asking don't appear to know how to click on links or use the internet to find out basic information anyway.) (Wow, again! See my superiority complex at work. God, what kind of person am I becoming?)
Originally posted at http://essbeejay.dreamwidth.org/104474.html.