True Confessions

[esprz]

He knew it was wrong. God, did he know it was wrong but sometimes he just couldn't help himself. It was this sick, lustful, crazy sex drive of his that drove him insane with desire and made him do this horribly perverse act every other night.

The very idea of what he was doing both repulsed him and enticed him every time, not to mention the fact that he'd always managed to get away with it, fueling him to do it even more.

Already he began to feel the beginning signs of arousal forming below as he flattened an ear against the door and listened intently to the muffled sound behind it. A quick glance to his clock before he slipped out of his room reminded him that it was a little past two AM but he didn't care how late it was; he had exactly what he needed to fuel his lustful desire.

Sometimes he would get bold and slowly, very quietly, turn the knob and crack the door open just a tiny bit just so he could catch a glimpse of what he was hearing.

Some nights though he got lucky. The door would be open just enough to get the perfect view from where he hid and God was that the best view he could ever ask for.

Pathetic.

The word flashed through his mind and once again the shame of what he was doing returned. It had become such a part of his life though, such a habitual thing that he found he needed it to get off, or at least he needed to think about it on those lonely unforgiving nights. His bodily needs somehow ended up outweighing his sense of morality and thus he was brought back to this lowly somewhat humiliating position on the floor of his best friend's bedroom door listening to him masturbate on the other side, listening to every muffled cry and moan as he pleasured himself, most likely to one of the actresses who had worked with them on a video that week.

What was more pathetic was when an actual girl was there and he would linger nearby, watching them, waiting for them to run off to his bedroom and fuck just so he could get off on the cries of pleasure streaming through the walls.

He would always tune out the female voice, imagining himself in her place instead.

He didn't need to tonight though. Ian was alone and Anthony was feeling a bit bold.

Anthony placed a shaky hand on the doorknob and slowly began turning, listening to every little creak, making sure to be as quiet and stealthy as humanly possible.

Ian hadn't yet reached his climax yet so Anthony had just enough time to pry open the door a bit and watch. He listened intently as Ian gasped and moaned, adding to the sounds of his slick strokes to the otherwise silent house.

Anthony had now fully turned the knob, feeling the blood rush down to his lower region beneath his boxers. He knew it was risky but his starving libido demanded he continue. He took a deep breath and slowly began pushing with one hand. His other hand slipped over his own growing erection and began pressing down. Thank God Ian's door didn't creak at all or he wouldn't be able to do this. He held his breath as he pushed, his own cock pulsating and yearning for more. He was so very desperate and he only needed one more inch as he cracked the door open.

Then suddenly silence.

Dead silence.

No sounds of movement, no climax. Just the clock ticking all the way in the bathroom and his own heart beating could be heard.

It scared the shit out of him and Anthony began to panic.

Shit! Shit! Shit!

Then the worst thing imaginable pierced the brutal silence.

A quivering, almost fearful voice that spoke only one word.

"...A-Anthony?"

His heart raced madly as what he had always feared, what he had never fully prepared for, was happening in that exact moment. His sweaty hand gripped the doorknob tightly and he didn't dare make a sound.

He quickly debated whether to let go and flee or claim to have fallen and gripped the doorknob as he fell. Any explanation but the truth.

The truth was too ugly.

The truth was too wrong, too perverse.

He didn't have any more time to think because Ian had pulled on the doorknob and Anthony fell forward into his room.

He didn't dare look up.

He felt a tense wave of air encircle the two of them and he suddenly felt very small at Ian's feet.

"W-why are you...?" Ian quietly trembled. Anthony realized he sounded very confused and terrified.

Explanations and excuses poured into his mind like a river breaking through a dam. He searched his mind for anything, anything to avoid the horrible shame but he found himself paralyzed; unable to speak or even look at his best friend who's trust he had betrayed.

He said nothing. He couldn't even bring himself to speak, only clench his eyes shut and maintain control of his breathing and after a while he heard Ian begin to move around. Anthony was lying on his floor in his boxers unwilling to get up because getting up meant facing him. Getting up meant explaining why he, his supposedly straight best friend had a massive erection right before he fell through his once closed door.

He had to say something though. Something that could save anything he hadn't yet destroyed completely with this tremendously stupid act of his.

And it definitely was stupid. One of the stupidest things he had ever done in his life.

He scrunched his eyes closed as the words trembled out of his mouth.

"I'm... sorry..."

His apology was met with nothing and he realized something horrible.

Ian had left.

He remained curled in a ball on his best friend's floor; his eyes shut tight trying to hold in the tears that were soon to follow.

He had to open his mouth to breathe.

There was an immediate stabbing pain in his heart as the realization flooded his senses and he began to lose control of himself.

Pain. Humiliation. Fear. He had brought it all on himself when he first began doing this.

He curled himself up even tighter and pried open his eyes finally to begin his slow and shameful walk back to his room. The lights were still off but he picked himself up and walked out the door into the deserted hallway.

He had absolutely no idea where Ian had gone but the last thing he wanted was to confront him again. As he walked the few steps back to his room his mind began filling with all kinds of thoughts about how he needed to pack his belongings. The house was under Ian's name after all. He feared what he would do without Smosh. He had ruined his own life and he would have to get a normal job. He wouldn't be able to face another camera again. It would remind him too much of Ian and Smosh.

He deserved all of this.

He felt an emptiness form in the pit of his stomach as he pushed the door to his room open.

He was met with more painstakingly dead silence and his hand reached for the switch and flicked it on.

Anthony gasped.

Ian was standing directly in front of him.

Anthony stood in shock.

He didn't have to look down to realize Ian was completely nude as he stared right into his deep brown eyes.

"Ian...!" He choked out finally but he could say nothing more after that. Ian inched closer to him, his lips were slightly parted and his azure wide eyes gazed right into his. He looked terrified. Terrified of his own actions.

Anthony couldn't understand what was happening. He had feared what would happen if he saw Ian again but there was no argument like he imagined, no yelling or fighting. Only a strange sense of curiosity mixed with slow growing trepidation as his own eyes locked with Ian's. He noticed Ian's breathing come out in short breaths and his eyes were darting from his own deep brown ones to his lips.

His mind could barely process what was happening. He felt a warm hand graze his then grip him softly and carefully caress his as though reassuring him it was okay.

"I..." Ian suddenly began, startling Anthony. He bit his lip before whispering the rest.

"...I always knew."

Anthony wanted to claim to not understand what he meant but something in him told him exactly what he meant.

Ian tried to smile. He let go of his hand and placed it on Anthony's flushed heated cheek. Anthony realized how close he was to Ian's blue sapphire eyes, his parted slightly chapped lips, his light brown hair that he always swept to the right.

It was almost like one of the hundreds of fantasies he had of the two of them in his mind, only this one was happening to him right now, in this exact moment.

Every light little freckle on the bridge of his milky white nose was distinguishable he was so close to him.

His mind finally kicked in and told him to take action. His eyes fluttered shut as he moved closer to meet the waiting pair of lips in front of him. They hovered over one another feeling the warm shaky breaths on each other and both could feel their hearts hurriedly pounding in their chests.

Anthony lightly pressed his lips on Ian's and in that moment reality seemed to blur and distort in a strangely surreal sort of way. It felt as though Ian was unsure about it though because he began pulling away.

He began to cry.

Anthony wasn't sure what else to do. It just hit him like a wave of emotion all at once. Ian looked startled and a bit sad.

"A-Anthony? What's wrong? Why are you…"

"S-stop pretending Ian," he whimpered. Ian looked taken aback but said nothing.

"Stop acting like you want this!" he found himself saying. "You're supposed to hate me!"

"Hate you?"

"I'm a sick fuck who watches you touch yourself! Of course you should hate me!"

Ian looked deeply shamed all of a sudden, completely catching Anthony off guard because he had no reason to. This was Anthony's fault, not his!

Ian let go of a quivering sigh from his chest and grasped a hold of Anthony's shoulders lightly, testing how much was okay with him.

"Anthony…" he barely whispered. He looked down to avoid his deep cocoa eyes but was reminded of how… unclothed… they were and blushed. He looked back at Anthony.

"I have to tell you something… a confession…" he seemed very nervous and shy suddenly and Anthony sensed a deep feeling of dread overtake him.

"W-what?" he barely breathed.

"I…" Ian choked out the word. "I always knew…"

Ian looked at him with pleading blue eyes, pleading that he understood.

But he didn't.

"What do you mean…?"

He had said those words earlier as well but he was barely listening then.

Ian took in a breath.

"I always knew you were watching."

Anthony was completely taken off guard.

"W-What?"

Ian nodded and looked to the side. He was never one to stay serious for too long though.

"Guess that makes me the perv, then," he half-heartedly smiled. His eyes dated back to Anthony to see his reaction. Realizing Ian was trying to lift the mood Anthony finally cracked a smile. A small one but it was enough for Ian.

But Ian grew nervous again. "I… kind of have a thing… for people watching me…" he murmured. His face flushed furiously and Anthony suddenly found it endearing. "M-mainly you though…"

"Well that's funny… 'cause I have a thing for watching you…" Anthony quietly murmured back. He tried to hold down his smile. Ian couldn't hold one at all. He grinned widely.

"Can I… kiss you?" he asked. The words sounded strange coming out of Ian's mouth but it was a welcoming kind of strangeness. He took hold of him and carefully pulled him closer. Anthony moved above his face and breathed over his lips "Okay."

Their lips met once more only this time a little more fervently. Ian pressed his soft warm lips against Anthony's and began licking his bottom lip. Anthony felt Ian's hands glide around his back, pulling him even closer. He quickly felt the heat he had lost rushing back in full force as he zealously kissed Ian more diligently and hungrily, parting Ian's lips with his tongue to make an entrance. Ian moaned as they began to step back together and he fell back onto Anthony's bed, their mouths still interconnected with one another as they both continued to allow their emotions to overtake one another.

Anthony felt a burning within him, no, a passion much stronger than when he would watch Ian alone because now he had Ian, the object of his affection and admiration, in his grasp. Ian leaned back onto the bed and scooted back, allowing Anthony to climb over and straddle him. Anthony felt Ian's erection press against his through his boxers and quickly gasped, breaking the kiss. Ian chuckled and kissed him again. "Calm down Ant. It's just my dick," he smiled alluringly. Anthony smiled and started kissing his cheek and making his way to his ear.

"I know, it's just… a little hard to get used to sometimes…" he whispered by his ear as he nibbled around it.

Ian chuckled again. "Heh heh. You said sometimes," he giggled.

Anthony laughed to and moved back to his face. "Shut-up dude, you're totally harshing my boner," he smiled before going for his neck. Ian groaned in approval as Anthony began making his way further down onto his nipple. He breathed hotly over his left one before lightly planting a kiss on it and with his other hand he began tweaking the other one. The way Ian heavily breathed and was rubbing his back turned him on even more. His own erection brushed against Ian's leg and he groaned against Ian's chest. Ian heard him and felt himself become harder. He began to run a hand through Anthony's hair, ruffing it up as he pet his friend's head affectionately.

Anthony took this as a sign to go even further so he allowed his tongue to trail over Ian's chest down to the soft light brown hair on his stomach. Ian knew exactly where Anthony was heading and let out a whimper that made Anthony smile inwardly as he teased his soft belly with his tongue.  He ran his teeth down the trail that led directly to where Ian's impatiently hard friend waited for attention. Anthony thought it was rather funny to tease him a bit, breathing heavily over the tip and giving it a quick lap or two. He saw Ian writhe in the excessive buildup of anticipation and whimper again so he finally gave into his wishes and began kissing the tip, much to Ian's satisfaction.

"Oooh…" Ian moaned in a voice Anthony rarely ever heard from his friend. "More… keep going…" Anthony started licking up the sides of his shaft and using his hand to stroke around his mouth, including his balls. He felt Ian's grip tighten in his tangled hair as he began sucking and mouthing over his dick. Ian was being very vocal, more so than he had ever seen and Anthony couldn't handle being this turned on anymore.

Ian watched as Anthony's mouth moved off of his dick leaving a slick trail of cum that connected the two stretch and fall onto his chin and onto the bed below. Anthony moved up to Ian's face, breathing heavily with half lidded lustful eyes. He was definitely feeling bold tonight. "I wanna fuck you." Ian inhaled and Anthony began kissing him before he could reply. They continued kissing longer and Anthony finally pulled away. "Please?" Ian was unconsciously stroking Anthony's hair and tasting himself and Anthony in his mouth.

"Alright."

A smile slowly crept onto Anthony's face and he kissed him again. He really couldn't get enough of his best friend's mouth but Ian pulled away much to his dismay. "I have to get ready first, hold on." Anthony rolled off of him and watched Ian rush out of his room to his dresser. Anthony decided to finally remove his boxers and toss them across the room and directly into the hamper. He could hardly believe this was happening. After all these years of fantasizing about Ian he was finally about to become intimate with him. His mind had hardly any room to weigh in any consequences as he got up to make a more comfortable setting before Ian returned. He turned on a dimmer lamp and turned off the main light creating a warm glow that was more inviting and moved beneath the sheets of his bed. He felt under his mattress for a condom packet and began to cover his manhood.

Ian finally came back with a small bottle in hand and found Anthony waiting for him under the covers. "Hey," he whispered as he slipped beneath them with Anthony. "Hey," Anthony smiled warmly, wrapping his arm around him unable to resist kissing him again. Ian pulled away. "I, uh… got myself ready in the bathroom so just use some of this on yourself and do it." He handed Anthony the small tube of lube and Anthony nodded. "Okay." He sat up and began liberally slathering the lube onto his dick. Ian flipped onto his stomach and propped a pillow under himself.

"Ant," he asked suddenly.

"Yeah, Ian?" He placed the tube on the desk next to him and grabbed a tissue to wipe off the excess from his hand.

"Have you ever done this before… with a guy?"

"Um… no…" Anthony answered truthfully. He positioned himself over Ian.

"Oh," Ian replied. He didn't say anything else. Anthony then felt the need to ask.

"Why…? Have you?"

He saw Ian almost recoil from him, then sigh.

"Yeah…"

Anthony didn't feel the need to ask any further. He loosely grabbed a hold of his dick and positioned it with Ian's opening. "Okay, you ready?" Ian nodded with a breathy "Yeah." Anthony slowly began to push himself into Ian, hoping he wouldn't feel any pain. He knew Ian was holding his breath, waiting for him to go all the way. He was planning on only going in partially but was able to slide in all the way with some ease.

It wasn't too new for him. He had this kind of sex before with women but very rarely. He almost wondered what it was like from the other end but decided to save that for another time. He began pulling out and pushing in slowly and heard Ian breathe heatedly beneath him. "Faster, Anthony," he heard him say. He grabbed hold of Ian's sides and began to thrust in a more rhythmic pace. Ian moaned and buried his face into Anthony's pillow biting down as Anthony continually kept a steady pace. Anthony felt his senses begin to tingle and the more he thrust the better he began to feel.

It was one of the most satisfying feelings he'd ever felt in his life and he was experiencing it because of his best friend. He couldn't ask for anything better.

He didn't have to though because it was only getting better by the second. Ian once again became very vocal as he grunted and panted, digging his fingernails into the sheets, writhing and gasping for more. He used the friction against the bed to help with his erection, damning the pain and soreness that would follow in the coming morning. Anthony forced himself as deep as possible as sweat beaded all over his gleaming body and tricked down onto Ian below. Then without warning, Ian yelled very loudly and arched his hips upward and Anthony saw him sputter his hot white essence all over his black and gray checkered comforter. He didn't have time to care though because he was continuing to thrust harder as he felt his own climax approach at a rapid pace. "Oh fuck, oh God Ian, I'm almost there," he cried out as he gripped Ian's sides harder.

"Fuggin'… go for it…" Ian panted, completely drained.

Anthony put in one last thrust and held it inside as he came. Ian felt him pulsating within him, against his prostate and shivered with pleasure. He finally released Ian leaving red marks where he gripped him and rolled off of him, panting and licking his lips. He realized he was really thirsty.

Ian wrapped an arm around his chest and started snuggling against him causing Anthony to laugh through his slowly stabilizing breaths. "I wanna snuggle you," he grinned against Anthony's chest. Anthony peeled away the condom and tossed it toward the wastebasket, missing completely. He laughed again and pulled Ian in.

"That's sounded so gay, dude," Anthony laughed. Ian smirked and licked the side of his face. "Hey, what the fuck, man!" Anthony giggled. "Gross, you're all salty," Ian exclaimed as he stuck his tongue out. "Well, what were you expecting me to taste like? Chocolate?" Ian smiled even wider and pulled the sheets over them. "Actually, that would be pretty nice. Make yourself taste like chocolate!" Anthony wrapped his arms around Ian. "I'll see what I can do but I can't promise anything," he said with a yawn.

"Hey," Ian mumbled as be began to feel his eyelids grow heavy.

"Hmm?"

"Can you promise you'll stay with me forever?"

Anthony kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"Sure," he smiled before drifting off in Ian's arms.