2008
Top 10 lists are popping up everywhere now that the end of the year is near. I haven't any particular rankings of my own because this year I've been reading, watching and listening almost exclusively to the news - and I don't think I need to reiterate the years' major events here. This has never been a political or fiscal blog and I won't turn it into one now.
In place, I'll chronicle the past twelve months and what happened in my immediate surroundings:
2008
[January] Mozambique. Volunteered with HIV/AIDs org Kindlimuka, Light Up the World solar panel project, and Right to Play day camps. All my money got stolen sometime this month. Beto suffered another bout of malaria. When he recovered, he defected the program. Sina defected a few weeks later.
[February] Mozambique. Karmen and I hopped a chapa to Ponta da Ouro and spent two days on a beautiful sunny beach, swimming in turquoise waters. The happiest I'd been on the program. Returned to volunteer group. Flood in northern Mozambique. Cholera outbreak. Program became rife with problems as interpersonal relations crumbled. A bunch of shitty things happened and I had several emotional breakdowns. Got lost in Maputo City with no money and no passport. Was the most afraid I'd ever been in the lowest point of my life. Phoned my brother and pleaded for help. Phoned my parents too, for the first time since I left for Africa. Started crying and didn't really stop for days. I was wrecked. My family told me to come home. I fucked up big time.
[March] Mozambique and South Africa. I stuck out the program with the support of Kristina, Karmen and Katie. Without them I wouldn't have made it. The end was good. Drove through Kruger National Park with volunteer group, watched a herd of majestic wild elephants cross the safari. Our jeep was held up at the swamp by a giant crocodile. We camped on Martinez and Niels' property and partied drunkenly into the night. Said goodbye and was so ready to move on.
[April] Toronto and Los Angeles. Came home and was severely depressed. Felt guilty about everything - the luxuries, opportunities and trivialities of my upper-middle class life. Refused to go out. Cried all day for any reason. My brother yelled at me to get it together. I had another emotional breakdown in front of him and his girlfriend, whom I'd just met a few days prior. I finally admitted I needed to see Mom and Dad. Was tired of taking care of myself because I didn't feel I was able to anymore. Flew to Los Angeles to meet Mom. Was comfortable for a few days. Cleaned up just enough to interview properly for a Study Abroad spot at the University of Manchester.
[May] Taiwan. Spent a month with Dad. First time I'd seen him in almost two years. We went on some weekend trips together. I was still battling depression, still crying all the time. Dad hadn't seen me cry since I was six or seven - we simply hadn't seen each other enough this past decade - and was devastated that now that I had grown up without him, I had turned into such a mess. He didn't know what to do with me so he bought me a round-the-island train pass and packed me off. He said that I should travel by myself again if that was what I preferred. I had a good time. Started to laugh again, to tell stupid jokes, to watch TV and to play tennis. Was accepted into the University of Manchester for September. Mom returned from Canada. Three of us spent a week together. Then I left for Japan.
[June] Japan. Bought a JR pass and started cross-country journey in Tokyo. Met a boy I really liked. Couchsurfed from here to Kyoto. Several stabbing incidents occurred across the country. Subway security tightened. Trains were delayed due to flooding in Kyushu. There was a big earthquake in the Niigata region when I was just a few kilometers south of the destruction. My parents commented that I had a penchant for disaster. The rain season peaked when I was marvelling the patchwork flower fields of Hokkaido. Met a lot of really amazing people. Flew to Okinawa. Got PADI certified. Rediscovered my passion for life in the depth of the Pacific Ocean.
[July] Japan. Returned to Tokyo. Met up with Jax. Shopped all over. Boy I liked gave me a spare key to his apartment downtown. We started dating. It was my first relationship and he was the first boy I was genuinely affectionate to. I thought I'd finally stopped crushing on all the wrong people. No, this boy was positive and young and healthy and smart. Maybe even smarter. He made me laugh and annoyed me too. Whenever he annoyed me I would just leave; I'd take the bullet train to another city and come back a few days later full of exciting stories about what I'd seen. In that sense maybe ours wasn't a real relationship - I only stayed for the easy parts - and we always had a one-month expiry date that we never forgot. All my things in my backpack, half-zipped and ready, constantly reminded us that I could and had to leave.
[August] Taiwan and Malaysia. Went back to my parents' home in Taiwan. Brother met us there. Our first family reunion in almost two years. Mom and Dad took us to Borneo. Started to miss my ex terribly. Lost my appetite and a bunch of weight with it. Played tennis with my brother everyday to take my mind off. I hated sleeping alone. Hated it hated it hated it. The ex emailed that I could call him if I wanted to - he'd like me to - but I forbade myself because I didn't want to admit that I hadn't gotten over us yet. In our last days we had both bragged that we'd forget each other within a month after my departure.
[September] Manchester. Moved here with one suitcase and a shoulder bag. Started university again. Lived in an apartment with flatmates who were rarely home. Watched global finances unwind.
[October] Manchester. Obsessed over the election. Decided I didn't actually wanted to befriend the people I'd met so far. Decided all I want to do was to be in motion and anonymity, so I stopped going out in Manchester. Cut my grocery bill down to $15 a week so I could save my money for flights. Turned off my cellphone and didn't turn it back on again. The novelty of British life wore off too quickly. Told the ex not to email me anymore but he said he liked to, and continued. Couldn't find a part-time job so I stopped trying.
[November] London, Barcelona, Leeds, Manchester. Floated from city and city like a ghost. Was glad America had elected their first black president but failed to see progress in my own existence. Alone at a busy train station in Barcelona, I stood in the phone booth and cupped my ex's voice so close to my ear for the first time since our split. In spite of myself I blurted out that I missed him. He told me to move on. Told me that I was such a great girl and that I should give myself more chances to love. I ran out of credit and didn't call him again.
[December] Manchester, Glasgow, Iceland, Egypt. Term 1 is going to finish this Thursday and I'm taking another vacation. I take so many vacations these days, but I can't seem to relax. The week after I'll turn twenty in Reykjavik with whoever happens to be around. Whatever. And then it'll be Christmas and New Years in the desert.
Resolutions for 2009
Do well in university
Be happy
Spend more time outside
Believe in people again
Believe in myself.
In place, I'll chronicle the past twelve months and what happened in my immediate surroundings:
2008
[January] Mozambique. Volunteered with HIV/AIDs org Kindlimuka, Light Up the World solar panel project, and Right to Play day camps. All my money got stolen sometime this month. Beto suffered another bout of malaria. When he recovered, he defected the program. Sina defected a few weeks later.
[February] Mozambique. Karmen and I hopped a chapa to Ponta da Ouro and spent two days on a beautiful sunny beach, swimming in turquoise waters. The happiest I'd been on the program. Returned to volunteer group. Flood in northern Mozambique. Cholera outbreak. Program became rife with problems as interpersonal relations crumbled. A bunch of shitty things happened and I had several emotional breakdowns. Got lost in Maputo City with no money and no passport. Was the most afraid I'd ever been in the lowest point of my life. Phoned my brother and pleaded for help. Phoned my parents too, for the first time since I left for Africa. Started crying and didn't really stop for days. I was wrecked. My family told me to come home. I fucked up big time.
[March] Mozambique and South Africa. I stuck out the program with the support of Kristina, Karmen and Katie. Without them I wouldn't have made it. The end was good. Drove through Kruger National Park with volunteer group, watched a herd of majestic wild elephants cross the safari. Our jeep was held up at the swamp by a giant crocodile. We camped on Martinez and Niels' property and partied drunkenly into the night. Said goodbye and was so ready to move on.
[April] Toronto and Los Angeles. Came home and was severely depressed. Felt guilty about everything - the luxuries, opportunities and trivialities of my upper-middle class life. Refused to go out. Cried all day for any reason. My brother yelled at me to get it together. I had another emotional breakdown in front of him and his girlfriend, whom I'd just met a few days prior. I finally admitted I needed to see Mom and Dad. Was tired of taking care of myself because I didn't feel I was able to anymore. Flew to Los Angeles to meet Mom. Was comfortable for a few days. Cleaned up just enough to interview properly for a Study Abroad spot at the University of Manchester.
[May] Taiwan. Spent a month with Dad. First time I'd seen him in almost two years. We went on some weekend trips together. I was still battling depression, still crying all the time. Dad hadn't seen me cry since I was six or seven - we simply hadn't seen each other enough this past decade - and was devastated that now that I had grown up without him, I had turned into such a mess. He didn't know what to do with me so he bought me a round-the-island train pass and packed me off. He said that I should travel by myself again if that was what I preferred. I had a good time. Started to laugh again, to tell stupid jokes, to watch TV and to play tennis. Was accepted into the University of Manchester for September. Mom returned from Canada. Three of us spent a week together. Then I left for Japan.
[June] Japan. Bought a JR pass and started cross-country journey in Tokyo. Met a boy I really liked. Couchsurfed from here to Kyoto. Several stabbing incidents occurred across the country. Subway security tightened. Trains were delayed due to flooding in Kyushu. There was a big earthquake in the Niigata region when I was just a few kilometers south of the destruction. My parents commented that I had a penchant for disaster. The rain season peaked when I was marvelling the patchwork flower fields of Hokkaido. Met a lot of really amazing people. Flew to Okinawa. Got PADI certified. Rediscovered my passion for life in the depth of the Pacific Ocean.
[July] Japan. Returned to Tokyo. Met up with Jax. Shopped all over. Boy I liked gave me a spare key to his apartment downtown. We started dating. It was my first relationship and he was the first boy I was genuinely affectionate to. I thought I'd finally stopped crushing on all the wrong people. No, this boy was positive and young and healthy and smart. Maybe even smarter. He made me laugh and annoyed me too. Whenever he annoyed me I would just leave; I'd take the bullet train to another city and come back a few days later full of exciting stories about what I'd seen. In that sense maybe ours wasn't a real relationship - I only stayed for the easy parts - and we always had a one-month expiry date that we never forgot. All my things in my backpack, half-zipped and ready, constantly reminded us that I could and had to leave.
[August] Taiwan and Malaysia. Went back to my parents' home in Taiwan. Brother met us there. Our first family reunion in almost two years. Mom and Dad took us to Borneo. Started to miss my ex terribly. Lost my appetite and a bunch of weight with it. Played tennis with my brother everyday to take my mind off. I hated sleeping alone. Hated it hated it hated it. The ex emailed that I could call him if I wanted to - he'd like me to - but I forbade myself because I didn't want to admit that I hadn't gotten over us yet. In our last days we had both bragged that we'd forget each other within a month after my departure.
[September] Manchester. Moved here with one suitcase and a shoulder bag. Started university again. Lived in an apartment with flatmates who were rarely home. Watched global finances unwind.
[October] Manchester. Obsessed over the election. Decided I didn't actually wanted to befriend the people I'd met so far. Decided all I want to do was to be in motion and anonymity, so I stopped going out in Manchester. Cut my grocery bill down to $15 a week so I could save my money for flights. Turned off my cellphone and didn't turn it back on again. The novelty of British life wore off too quickly. Told the ex not to email me anymore but he said he liked to, and continued. Couldn't find a part-time job so I stopped trying.
[November] London, Barcelona, Leeds, Manchester. Floated from city and city like a ghost. Was glad America had elected their first black president but failed to see progress in my own existence. Alone at a busy train station in Barcelona, I stood in the phone booth and cupped my ex's voice so close to my ear for the first time since our split. In spite of myself I blurted out that I missed him. He told me to move on. Told me that I was such a great girl and that I should give myself more chances to love. I ran out of credit and didn't call him again.
[December] Manchester, Glasgow, Iceland, Egypt. Term 1 is going to finish this Thursday and I'm taking another vacation. I take so many vacations these days, but I can't seem to relax. The week after I'll turn twenty in Reykjavik with whoever happens to be around. Whatever. And then it'll be Christmas and New Years in the desert.
Resolutions for 2009
Do well in university
Be happy
Spend more time outside
Believe in people again
Believe in myself.