ive got a hunger twisting my stomache into knots
today was....miserable. i love dreams & thinking of someone throughout the day. i hate snow & slush. being chubby is no good at all. ive given up food. pain is not seen/felt & id do fucking anything to stop this numbness. my heart is numb. my face is numb. my body is numb. i hate mouths & the words that come out of them. escrutiating pain is comforting. im afraid of the dark & scary movies make me want to cry, hard. my new room is almost finished & im sick of my present room, & this bed && this pillow that has been drenched in tears several times, over everything imagionable. every second of every minitue i am in this house i want to run away & i think i might. this town, has gotten, so.....old. nothing changes. everything is the same. same route i take every day. same, same. im lacking change & in serious need of balance. emotions run through my mind at a constant pace & a stop sign haulted all, now its backed up & just engourging me. i drown myself in tears almost every day & showering dosnt wipe them away. crash. it feels live ive been dropped 43957 feet in the air, & crashed & shattered in the worst manner imagionable. kill. this is killing me, my insides are flourished in you & i cant stop but hope for you caring, my heart beats slower & slower every day, i fear being isolated without care, which i have been for....much too long. a boyfriend is much over due & sleep, or lack there of, is over rated, yet much needed. hunger, hunger for needing more, a hunger with an obsurd turning of the stomache. i need control. i need you.