Lost
He invokes something in me, something about his allure his mind his silence intrigues me.
Mysterious I wouldn't say so much but there's depth. Leave it to me with my scorpion-born tendencies to want to uncover all that is not surface deep. But I look at him and yearn so for just moments with him. He sticks out to me these years because he was intangible, and now he's here & I feel already he's slipping away. This too is all after a bad breakup of my previous but something in him always seemed so genuine. So true that I too wanted a part of him. One day he responded, we did more than "chill" and smoke & he took me up on his offer to kidnap him...so to speak. He's beautiful. To look at, to smell. To laugh with, smoke with. His eyes puppy like and soft but penetrating and bold all the same. His expressions make him so enjoyable but even more so his wit. So easy to imagine how I'd melt every time our eyes met. And finally he was in front of me. I. Got. Him. We spoke about something scholarly in a match of brains but I could care less because I was so enthralled in his being. In a dual sense, presence and soul. But when we layed down and our bodies finally came it was nothing I imagined it would be. He easily digs into everything I am and stares right at me for the outcome like a surgeon. I want to look back but I'm petrified that I may show him pieces of me I am uncomfortable with myself. Time and time again I cover my face to remove myself from showing him too much. Because ultimately I am petrified of loving someone and letting them go. I am petrified of being too much for someone and not accepted. So I am spoon feeding him pieces of how I feel because I feel like he too will run away. Everytime he touches me it's like an Aphrodisiac, it's perfect & needed every time everywhere.. the moment he's inside me I can't think or function. He is the Key to the ignition, no r Kelly. My body tells me it wants to submit to him. It sounds crazy, I know it does but it's inexplicable. But we have such highs and such low lows. When were not around eachother we argue we fight & bicker. And he digs into my skin with his words & that same wit I aforementioned earlier. He remembers every little detail, every minute of every moment. He tests your judgement your character your reaction every step of the way. Keen on how your response may correlate to your mindset every question is calculated. Mind boggling & frustrating.
Today he tells me, he's falling back and there's nothing I can do to change it.
He's Deandre.
I'm crushed. I lost him.