Good Friday eh!
Sooo...spent most of today screaming at this stupid computer..WHY DOES IT INSIST ON FREEZING AND DESTROYING BEAUTIFUL PROGRESS! AHhh so frustrating to keep redoing work that should have been done two days ago....crum..shoot..snap..bummer! Really...I had three completed dvd show thingys..and poof...they're gone...errrr...Then of course mom tries to help..and she just makes things worse because when I'm edgy she seems especially annoying..and then I can't wait to pick up my bags and join a community of people my age...oh joyful. But then I feel like the icky dust I really am...for being less than the daughter I expect myself to be...less of the daughter I know my mom needs...less of the daughter that God asks me to obediently, honorably be...snd then I sulk...fully conscious of my immaturity...wondering if my future roommate might question my insanity if I threaten to take a sledge hammer to my computer...so the pendelum of emotion that I am...I tried to keep things "light"...and I had a great lunch with my mom...and she shared with me about this boy that is dying from muscular dystrophy...a boy who is soo angry...a boy who has been ignored....a boy who is apathetic and unwilling to cooperate even with the few who try to motivate him to do something, anything...a boy without hope...and we both found ourselves crying...bawling...for those that are struggling through this life...completely alone..without any devine strength...or hope in the promise that God holds a greater plan for every detail of our lives....and then to think...that on this day..Good Friday...Christ carried his cross and was crucified...thinking of little Daniel...of Bubbles...of me and my scarlet sin...wincing..afflicted unjustly...he took it on...for everyone...
I'm sorry. A phrase that has become nothing. Everybody says it...as if it really brings any comfort. People, at least I do, use it...and then turn around and will catch myself repeating the same oops...oops...sorry...Jesus...Abba...forgive me...cleanse me...can you take today and erase the stumbling...I'm sorry I lost my patience...I'm sorry that I got so worked up over something that is intended to glorify you...but now that something that stirs anger just thinking about it....I'm sorry I lost my cool and blew up at mom...I'm sorry that I think of myself first...I'm sorry that I've let so many of the precious people in my life down...I'm sorry that I've lazily wasted so much of this precious life in front of the television...I'm sorry that I'm unable to give you the glory due you for the amazing wonders you've placed in my world...I'm sorry that I've abused the temple that I am...I'm sorry that I turn to food more often than I do to You when I'm uncomfortable..or just blah...I'm sorry I'm so easily annoyed...so easily judgmental...so quick to worry about whatever and to take it into my own hands...so quick to want anything..to be "mine"....possessively blocking out others...I'm sorry for my sharp tongue..I'm sorry I'm not the prayerer I should be...I'm sorry for complaining...for begruding today..or tomorrow...I'm sorry I'm so demanding and not quite completely trusting....
Lord I come to you, defeated, empty
With nothing more of me to offer, I surrender
I try, I strive, I fail
And still you are my God
I try, I strive, I fail
And still you call me child
Still you tell me you love me
You know that I'm but dust
And still you are my God
You know I'm but dust
Still You call me child
Still you tell me you love me
Father thank you for your sacrifice...for what we commemorate today...Thank you for taking my shameful place. Thank you for being the Perfect Atonement. Thank you for your grace...with one that is merely dust...fragmented, sinful...
I'm sorry. A phrase that has become nothing. Everybody says it...as if it really brings any comfort. People, at least I do, use it...and then turn around and will catch myself repeating the same oops...oops...sorry...Jesus...Abba...forgive me...cleanse me...can you take today and erase the stumbling...I'm sorry I lost my patience...I'm sorry that I got so worked up over something that is intended to glorify you...but now that something that stirs anger just thinking about it....I'm sorry I lost my cool and blew up at mom...I'm sorry that I think of myself first...I'm sorry that I've let so many of the precious people in my life down...I'm sorry that I've lazily wasted so much of this precious life in front of the television...I'm sorry that I'm unable to give you the glory due you for the amazing wonders you've placed in my world...I'm sorry that I've abused the temple that I am...I'm sorry that I turn to food more often than I do to You when I'm uncomfortable..or just blah...I'm sorry I'm so easily annoyed...so easily judgmental...so quick to worry about whatever and to take it into my own hands...so quick to want anything..to be "mine"....possessively blocking out others...I'm sorry for my sharp tongue..I'm sorry I'm not the prayerer I should be...I'm sorry for complaining...for begruding today..or tomorrow...I'm sorry I'm so demanding and not quite completely trusting....
Lord I come to you, defeated, empty
With nothing more of me to offer, I surrender
I try, I strive, I fail
And still you are my God
I try, I strive, I fail
And still you call me child
Still you tell me you love me
You know that I'm but dust
And still you are my God
You know I'm but dust
Still You call me child
Still you tell me you love me
Father thank you for your sacrifice...for what we commemorate today...Thank you for taking my shameful place. Thank you for being the Perfect Atonement. Thank you for your grace...with one that is merely dust...fragmented, sinful...